Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect not to be judged

227 replies

Gemini121 · 20/09/2014 20:01

Have name changed for this. Am really upset about this.

Went to the park with the family plus friends today. Decided to quickly pop into the high street to grab a few bits for dinner. We had our dog with us (age 9y), 3 adults, 6 kids. Had to tie the dog up outside the grocery store so did and put the lock on the lead. To be fair we were a bit longer than we should have been, maybe 10 min. Came out and checked on her and she was fine (whining as normal but otherwise fine). Then popped into a shop 2 doors along for not more than 5 min. Dd needed toilet so went back to grocery, again dog was fine. Came out of toilet and 3 people standing around dog, one with mobile phone in her hand. I went over and lady with phone said they were just phoning me as lead had come unlocked and dog was "distressed". She whines if she's left for even one minute, always has been, it's just her. Anyway, they had tied her lead in knots so I started untying it as woman continued to bang on about how distressed my dog was (she wasn't distressed, she whines when she's left. Her distressed is crying and this wasn't crying. I know my dog.). I said to her "well I get judged for leaving her at home and I get judged for bringing her out so I can't win can I?" Dog then jumped on my two year old (she knows better) and dd started crying. I gave dog a light smack (seriously light) and told her no. Lady then starts with "you can't smack dogs in this country it's illegal. Good thing I've got your mobile now. I'm really worried about the well being of this dog now. Perhaps I need to report you." Carried on and on. I carried on sorting out the lead and just said "ok thank you" and walked away (yes, with the dog). She carried on about "I'm going to report you. Poor dog. Can't believe you smacked him. Hope you don't smack your children too". I just kept walking. Told DH to go handle it, he went outside and she just stared and then walked away.

Seriously, wibu to leave her outside the store? Even though she was checked on 3 times? And for giving her a smack when she jumped up on dd? Or was the lady BU?

OP posts:
Shockers · 21/09/2014 10:14

Come and live in our village. There is at least one dog tied up outside every shop at any given time!

HeffalumpsnWoozles · 21/09/2014 10:14

I would have judged you had I have known an adult could have waited outside with the dog. I wouldn't have been taking photographs admittedly but I would have hung around to make sure it didn't hurt itself or that someone was actually coming to get it.

DarceyBustle · 21/09/2014 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrazyTypeOfIndifference · 21/09/2014 10:17

Please don't hit your dog again, it won't help and may make things worse - dogs can bite as a pain response

Really? A pain response. From what the op says it sounds like a tap, not a smack. Huge difference, no pain involved.

Kimaroo · 21/09/2014 10:29

I'm not sure why you got all defensive and said about being 'judged' to the lady. The lead had come loose and people were naturally worried, especially as the dog was whining. They had attempted to make the dog safe and were trying to contact you, I think I would have been grateful. Even if the lady had sounded like she was accusing you, you can easily defuse the situation with thanks and comment about getting a new lead etc. Would you normally smack the dog or was it because you felt overwhelmed?
Not really relevant but we only tie the dog up if we are on our own and in familiar surroundings. It's never occurred to us as a family to all troop in leaving the dog outside, she'd be really sad Hmm

PiperRose · 21/09/2014 11:51

The dog was distressed to be left outside, it then gets excited when it sees it's humans coming towards it and jumps to greet one of them and then you hit it. Yes you should be judged.

HandbagCrazy · 21/09/2014 12:02

Op, I think people are being a bit harsh. That woman doesn't really know you're dog so can't really judge if she was distressed. I have3 dogs. One, if you so much as tap him or accidentally catch him with your foot he squeals loudly as though you've whacked him. No idea why. He ran in front of me on a walk once, my toe hit his side and he squealed. Some random stranger told me off, that I shouldn't kick him. I would never bloody kick him!! Some people just like to voice their opinions.
I have to say, I wouldn't leave my dogs outside a shop though - MILs dog was stolen when she tied him up, and I'm always worried that people (children mainly) will be drawn to them, feed them/get them excited and my dogs will do something naughty.
I think YNBU to be upset about the woman but I think you should have worked it so that someone stayed outside with the dog

MexicanSpringtime · 21/09/2014 14:47

OMG, people are so over the top about animals. I love animals and I hate any form of cruelty to them, but really you can't win with the attitudes of most of the posters here. The time I got told off for tying a dog up in front of a shop, we were on a ten-mile walk, where things had to be bought. He was a small-breed dog, but ten minutes after we got home he was raring to go out again.

BTW, is it ok to be racist against travellers on mumsnet?

EveDallasRetd · 21/09/2014 14:51

No-one is being racist against travellers MexicanSpringtime, stop trying to make it into something it isn't.

FlossyMoo · 21/09/2014 14:57

BTW, is it ok to be racist against travellers on mumsnet?

It is NEVER ok to be racist against anyone, not on MN or in RL.

What an odd question Confused

Eva50 · 21/09/2014 15:05

I would not leave my dog tied up outside a shop and I would not hit it. I would not have said anything to you but I would have judged.

bubalou · 21/09/2014 15:05

Mexican - I wasn't being racist against travellers!!!! ConfusedConfusedConfused

FFS - did I say 'every dog that gets stolen is by a traveller' - NO!

It is a fact that I was relaying that the police had reported several times in our local news after stolen dogs had been found in these situations.

Seriously doubt the intellect of some people on here sometimes. Maybe an IQ test should be issued before you're allowed to join to avoid some morons that clearly can't read properly from blocking up threads.

MexicanSpringtime · 21/09/2014 15:11

Sorry, bubalou, just because the police said it does not mean it is not racist. If you had written that the police said Jews are stealing dogs to use in dogfights, would that not be racist?

SlicedAndDiced · 21/09/2014 15:13

Racist - All travellers nick dogs for dog fights.

Not racist - In this area a group of travellers are nicking dogs for dog fights.

bubalou · 21/09/2014 15:17

No it's not Mexican!!!

It is a fact! ConfusedConfusedConfused

If I said ' I reckon it's the travellers stealing the dogs' that would be racist.

The fact that I stated that in our area a lot of dogs HAVE been stolen by travellers and used in those ways I listed. FACT!

They found around 30 dogs, some of which were chopped and traced back to owners - they had been stolen from garden and fronts of shops etc. they were kept in cages and used for fighting or breeding etc!

FACT! I am not assuming, judging or being in any way racist! I have not said all travellers do this or anything bad or derogatory about them. I have stated a local issue that I knew about.

I think you're clearly an idiot who just loves to shout around the racism word.

bubalou · 21/09/2014 15:18

Thank you sliced Wink

bubalou · 21/09/2014 15:18

The dogs weren't chopped - they were chipped! Bloody auto correct!!!

deakymom · 21/09/2014 15:19

seriously? as a child i was taught if my dog jumped up at a child (or anyone) to take the leather end of the lead and smack the dog on the nose your light tap was nothing (and i was taught by a police dog trainer) really you give a child a light tap no one bats an eye you give a dog a light tap and its off with there head!

SlicedAndDiced · 21/09/2014 15:20

That's alright bubalou Grin

Unfortunately we had a spate of similar crimes here.

EveDallasRetd · 21/09/2014 15:22

Well to start with, 'Traveller' is not a race

Secondly bubalou was talking about a specific set of circumstances, whereby the people who had stolen a number of dogs were reported as being travellers by the police.

Bubalou may well be in the same area as me. We (as in rescue volunteers), the local dog warden, a vet surgery and the local police staged a raid on a traveller encampment and retrieved 7 dogs that had been stolen from the local area. It happens. It's not racist.

MehsMum · 21/09/2014 15:23

OP, YANBU to leave a dog tied up for a few minutes, though in your shoes I would have left an adult with the dog or sent her along home with someone.

YANBU to be narked with someone who clearly jumped in with both feet and no idea of what you were like, but just assumed the worst.

YANBU to have a dog who jumps up sometimes (I would have said my big dog never jumps up, because he has been trained not to, but the other day I went up some scaffolding to look at a friend's extension and when I came down he jumped all over me: very, very unlike him, but clearly my going where he could not follow really bothered him, even though he could hear me the whole time and see me for most of it). You would BU to have a dog which jumps up all the time. I get annoyed with dog owners who let that happen.

YABU to smack your dog, though if you were feeling stressed and got-at you probably weren't thinking entirely straight.

YABU to use a flexi lead. They are horrible things which can take a finger off and trip people up.

PPs saying they would have phoned the RSPCA should reacquaint themselves with reality. I phoned the RSPCA some years ago, about an old cat - a really old, skinny cat - who was being left outside in the middle of winter several nights a week. The owners let her out for a wee and if she didn't get back quickly, they locked her out (rented flat, no cat flap). They refused to have a litter tray, and the cat cried half the night in their doorway: there was no shelter available to her at all. I'd have let her in to my house, but I had a cat-hating terrier in residence. And the RSPCA did... absolutely nothing. Except try and get a donation out of me.

EveDallasRetd · 21/09/2014 15:24

Deaky, things have changed for the better since you were a child. Smacking a dog on the nose is very painful and very dangerous for a dog. I wouldn't hit anything, human or animal, on the face or head - and especially not the nose.

bubalou · 21/09/2014 15:26

Sliced - it's such a shame. Hmm

Deeky - I know what you mean - I said earlier there's no point in smacking a dog but I was picturing a smack on the bum which I was taught not to do as it didn't work.

I had a little deaf jr who when she was naughty or too rough when taking a treat out of my hand etc - I had to tap her with my finger on her nose (not a smack AT ALL so please don't all jump on my because you picture me hurting her because that wasn't the case at all). It was literally a baby tap.

But I was told for training that only this tiny tap on the nose would have the effect and it was true Smile

bubalou · 21/09/2014 15:31

Thank you evedallas.

I re-read my posts to make sure I hadn't come across as prejudice - I really wasn't being that way, just relating facts.

I'm in essex and it has been a big problem in some areas. At one point it was so sad as there were literally dozens of different missing dog posters up everywhere you went.

It seems to be better now.

MexicanSpringtime · 21/09/2014 15:47

Well to start with, 'Traveller' is not a race

Oh, so that is ok then. Travellers have a very short life expectancy and very hard lives. You may not consider them a race, but they are an ethnic group which is the same thing, and sweeping statements like bubalou's end up meaning that all travellers are seen as people who steal dogs and use them in dog fights, in a society that already has them vilified.

Cruelty to animals is not on, but when you are all so exquisite in your love of animals, you could also spare a moment to think of a traveller child having to grow up with these kinds of things being said against them just because they happen to belong to the same ethnic group as that of a couple of evil families.