To expect not to be judged

[Gemini121]

Have name changed for this. Am really upset about this.

Went to the park with the family plus friends today. Decided to quickly pop into the high street to grab a few bits for dinner. We had our dog with us (age 9y), 3 adults, 6 kids. Had to tie the dog up outside the grocery store so did and put the lock on the lead. To be fair we were a bit longer than we should have been, maybe 10 min. Came out and checked on her and she was fine (whining as normal but otherwise fine). Then popped into a shop 2 doors along for not more than 5 min. Dd needed toilet so went back to grocery, again dog was fine. Came out of toilet and 3 people standing around dog, one with mobile phone in her hand. I went over and lady with phone said they were just phoning me as lead had come unlocked and dog was "distressed". She whines if she's left for even one minute, always has been, it's just her. Anyway, they had tied her lead in knots so I started untying it as woman continued to bang on about how distressed my dog was (she wasn't distressed, she whines when she's left. Her distressed is crying and this wasn't crying. I know my dog.). I said to her "well I get judged for leaving her at home and I get judged for bringing her out so I can't win can I?" Dog then jumped on my two year old (she knows better) and dd started crying. I gave dog a light smack (seriously light) and told her no. Lady then starts with "you can't smack dogs in this country it's illegal. Good thing I've got your mobile now. I'm really worried about the well being of this dog now. Perhaps I need to report you." Carried on and on. I carried on sorting out the lead and just said "ok thank you" and walked away (yes, with the dog). She carried on about "I'm going to report you. Poor dog. Can't believe you smacked him. Hope you don't smack your children too". I just kept walking. Told DH to go handle it, he went outside and she just stared and then walked away.

Seriously, wibu to leave her outside the store? Even though she was checked on 3 times? And for giving her a smack when she jumped up on dd? Or was the lady BU?

Surfsup - your view is outdated, training has moved on with scientific research into animal behaviour.

No need to smack - positive reinforcement and clicker training will get you what you want faster and with less discomfort for your pet

I don't mind being old fashioned. I'll update if the ye olde ways stop working for me.

Surs up - smacking dogs leads to a culture of nerves and fear and you do not want a nervous fearful dog.

You cannot speak dog, you are not a dog. You are teaching your dog to interact positively with humans, you don't want your dog to be a pack animal - your family are not dogs. He needs to learn how to fit in with a human family. He can't find his own natural order because you don't want him deciding he's more dominant than your children. And you can't force him to become submissive because he'll become more aggressive.

I imagine 1% of the population have a knack with dogs that involves giving them a "tap" wjen they are out of line. But it is beyond dangerous to go around telling everyone that it is a valid proven successful method. You encourage 99% of people to go around whacking dogs and leaving them upset and uncertain. I habe seen it.

It's like choke chains - perhaps valid for a proper trainer as a part time training method... But 1000 dogs walked daily, pulling, choking themselves, rasping. It's awful.

Just say never ever hit a dog. Never use a choke chain.

Yabu
Poor dog
I would have judged you too

It has taken us 4 years to sucessfully manage MuttDogs separation anxiety. But we still couldn't leave her tied up anywhere - it's a pain in the arse. I'd love to be able to walk her to school with DD, then take her to the fields on the way back, but it's never going to happen. Instead I walk to school, come home, get dog, walk out again.

You could have all gone home, then gone out again for your tea. You could have got your DH to walk dog and baby home. You could have had one person (child or adult) to stay with the dog whilst you shopped.

But instead you chose to leave the dog and then discipline it for being excited to see you when you got back. Poor bugger, being smacked for being happy .

Please don't hit your dog again, it won't help and may make things worse - dogs can bite as a pain response.

Crikey, just woke up to find the OP has been anihilated for what I think is treating a dog like a dog instead of another human being.
I feel a bit sorry for you op, someone took a snapshot of you and judged you unfavourably (although with the smacking you didn't help yourself) Am sure it's happened to most of us at some point and it's frustrating but understandable.
Think you would have got less harsh responses for taking a 'whining' child out shopping tbh. People do love their dogs.

I hate seeing dogs being tied up outside shops. What about those who are scared of dogs having to walk past it? And if it jumped up at your 2 year old dd who's to say it wouldn't jump up at mine? Yabu.

Smacking a dog has no effect to correct behaviour - it only hurts them.

I wouldn't tie my dog up outside a shop. I don't think it's fair and if there were that many adults with you why couldn't you alternate someone staying with the dog for then5 minutes in the shops?

Too many dogs are stolen when left tied up outside I'm afraid.

Surs up - smacking dogs leads to a culture of nerves and fear and you do not want a nervous fearful dog.
And yet I've never had a nervous fearful dog.

Op there is no need to get huffy and say the poor dog will never go to the park again. Surely you can just manage the time a bit better?

I have a dog and we regularly go to the park. But if I need to go to the shop I do this later once I've taken him back home.

Also you cannot say that your dog wouldn't bite anyone. If your dog is that upset, distressed and crying for being left - (which I think you would too if tied up to a post with strangers walking past you as your owners leave) then unfortunately you cannot 100% predict her behaviour.

If a dog is scared this is when they are most likely to react this way. I think there's been enough posts now for you to maybe know what you've done wasn't really right but maybe just don't do it again in future.

No, Yanbu.

Some dogs squeak, some don't.

I would be so sad if people in my area stopped taking their dogs out to the shops - makes me happy to see that dogs are incorporated into their owners' daily lives. Many of our local shops have special dog-tethering hooks and place water bowls out the front.

I don't even feel qualified to tell you whether i think yabu because i know naafink about owning a dog. Sounds like you need a cuppa though

Good grief! You admit to:

Using a flexi lead
Leaving a dog tied up outside a shop
Smacking the dog for a behaviour that you should have trained her not to do ( def by the age of 9)

Of course you will be judged! If you don't want to be judged, stop doing these things!

I would be pleased if people in my area would stop leaving dogs tethered outside shops. There have been a rash of thefts and 'rewards for finding them' scams here. A number of dead dogs too

EveDallas - same here.

Unfortunately police have found a lot to be stolen by travellers who keep them, fight them against each other or sell them on.

Every other day there seems to be local posters up or Facebook posts going round about people who seem shocked that their dogs were stolen from outside a shop.

Of course you should be able to but sadly that's not the world we live in.

I love my dog too much to even risk leaving him tied up where anyone could take him. Just seems uneccessary.

You made a real error of judgement if you thought that you could warm up in Waitrose.
That place is freezing the staff wear fleeces and gloves.

Which board is the smacking thread on?

Take the dog next time, but if you all need bits from the shops, take it in turns waiting with the dog. I know you all needed bits but you could have swapped about

Oooh look its another one of these.

OP: AIBU?

replies: mainly yes

OP: No Im not

I'd judge you aswel.

@ biscuits. This seems to happen a lot.

coolas how do you know the lady was old? The OP's first post gives no indication of the lady's age.

OP, continue to take your much loved dog with you when you go to the shop!

When Shockerdog is very naughty toward other dogs, I cuff her gently under her jaw. She immediately sits down. It doesn't hurt and is what her mum would have done if she hadn't been abandoned by some absolute twat at around 4 weeks old.

If anyone was to tell me I was being cruel to the dog I love, walk, feed, protect against illness... I'd be inclined to completely ignore them.

What on earth is wrong with using a flexi lead or dare I not ask

I feel sorry for you OP. It is all too easy for judgmental people to have a go at you when with a dog and feeling a bit harassed particularly when you have small children to sort out at the same time and bags of shopping and every little thing goes wrong. Not to mention strangers in your face. Dogs whine. It happens.

We were once trying to get home and avoid the many fast food outlets near our street. Our dog hoovered up some chicken bones and trying to distract her we nudged her rear to try to get her attention away from the bones. Every time she ate them she got gastroenteritis and terribly, terribly ill as the bones would splinter in her stomach. Whilst on the ground trying to fish them out of her mouth, we were loudly insulted and called dog beaters and abusers for kicking our dog and destroying her mouth and we would be reported to the RSPCA. This went on for about five minutes and we could even hear her hollering at us up the road and I was scared she would stalk us home. I was so angry it was all I could do to not make it worse and call her a mouthy cow who should mind her own business.

Needless to say, the RSPCA never came round. I can't leave our current dog alone. Not only does he positively howl if that happens, but has been know to do a Houdini act and escape into the shop, so he stays at home unless one of us can supervise outside!