To expect her to do some of the travelling?

[Justkeepsmiling1]

DP and his ex used to live about a 10-15minute walk away from each other so travel for contact of their 4 yr old was never an issue. About a yr ago his ex moved 10 or so miles away, which doesn't sound far but since both rely on public transport, is actually about a 40 minute bus journey - buses really suck here! She expected him to do all transport which was unfair (IMO) but he did it as it was the only way he was able to see his son. We've now moved another 20 miles (a 50 min train journey) in the opposite direction and when he spoke to her about it before moving, she agreed she'd meet in the place they used to live so they'd share travelling. Unfortunately, that's not happened and DP faces huge arguments if he tries sticking to the agreement of meeting halfway(ish) instead of taking him / picking him up directly from her flat. She says it was our choice to move (fair enough) but fails to see it was her choice to move in the first place!
Aibu to expect her to help with transport? If we were the only ones that moved I could understand it but at the end of the day she moved too so IMO should help! Yesterday she started shouting and swearing at DP as he said he'd drop him back in the middle tomorrow (like originally agreed) instead of flat! We would never ever expect her to come all the way here but she thinks it's DP's duty to go all the way to her.

Oh what bollocks Greyhound the guy is young, fit and isn't working nor has he been for some time. He has a child. He has a girlfriend paying his way and "can't" get a job. It's shite saying it's sexist!

Were I slacking off, not working and sponging off someone else, I would accept a suggestion that I acted like a "real woman" and made some money to care for my child.

Good point about the JSA, he should have been paying something for the past year but OP said he hasn't.

Wow some of the comments on this thread........really???

What is wrong with the comments? There is enough of a casual acceptance in real life of men not paying support for their children, it doesn't need to be supported on MN too.

MrsWinnibago I was in no way singling you out or even commenting on anything you said.

It is simply my opinion that some of the comments on this thread have been rather rude to the OP. Which some people may think is fine. And which some people may think are not offensive. We are all entitled to our opinions.

I think the OP is asking for advice and getting lots of good advice but when she said some comments had been rude some posters said they had not. I am just lending my support to the OP that I agree. I'm not going to quote what I think of as rude or who said what.

I have no desire to offend you or anyone else.

I am certainly not supporting or condoning the idea of people (male or female) not supporting their children. I think it is a real shame the OP's partner is not able to do this at the moment and I hope he will make every effort to. I hope this thread is very useful to the OP.

I never said you did Greyhound

What is wrong with the comments? There is enough of a casual acceptance in real life of men not paying support for their children, it doesn't need to be supported on MN too.

Agreed. But I was referring to their unfortunate comments insinuating what makes a real man.

Even in the msot deprived areas, there are always jobs of some sort around. He could do warehouse pick & pack work, or fast food service, or pizza delivery if he can ride a scooter (its not hard to learn), or care home shifts. He could do building site labouring, bar work, house cleaning, anything. He needs to be registered with every single employment agency in your area, and he needs to be willing to do absolutely anything.

Not driving would be a huge drawback to getting casual work in my area, but its not insurmountable. Has he got a pushbike? Simply saying he can't find work is rubbish and defeatist, though. There are people getting off boats speaking 6 words of English who are getting jobs, so why your partner is accepting his pathetic £8/week (!!) is a bit beyond me.

Honestly, OP. He really does not sound like a good catch. At all. Do you want to be supporting him for the rest of your life?

And he must be lying to you about the finances. £8 per week plus some casual work is a lot more than £20 a month. The £8pw is about £35 per month alone.

OP, I know you think the sun shines out of this guy, but PLEASE delay the wedding until he has his shit together.

Please tell me you don't own a house? If you marry and split then he could take half of it.

OK, I've read all 10 pages and I don't think this has been asked...
If he can't get a job and you're willing to support him, why is he not at least doing this study FULL TIME to speed up this "bettering himself" (did I walk into a Dickensian novel btw?)

He absolutely should not be getting married.

He can't afford it. Whatever is paid for by other people, there MUST be some cost to him / you. The marriage licence cost would probably cover his bus fare for a year!

Yes, it's off if she reneged on a meet half way agreement. But he shouldn't have moved away. Yes, she did - but 10 miles. Not that far. He has chosen to move further, the distance that has made it unworkable.

You don't need a 2 bed place either. Sofa bed would do.

Getting qualifications is great. But it sounds like A levels which can be done in the evening. And as he doesn't even know what he wants to do - Counselling or teaching or youth work? - quite a wide range there - he should be studying something that will enable the next step when he does work out what he wants to do.

At this point, he may well be better off with an Access course.

Has he actually taken proper careers advice? He really really needs to.

Mental health nursing could be a good route. But it's hard to get into.

I applied and didn't have enough experience. So I went and got some. Now that I'm applying again some of the unis I liked don't accept the access course anymore.

And none of the unis I applied at would accept students who were using nursing as a route into anything else.