Mum changing shitty nappy in ladies

[ProudAS]

I just went to the loo in a restaurant to find a mum had just changed her DC. The used nappy was on the floor with poo visible. She did get rid of the nappy (in the sanitary bin) but not the smell.

The smell made me retch and feel sick. AIBU to think she should have used the baby changing room next door?

I'm going to stick up for the OP here

I have four kids and I have changed millions a lot of nappies and I can still find the smell of a dirty nappy absolutely disgusting. To the point where it makes me retch. A dirty nappy can be a LOT more smelly than an adult doing a poo in a toilet.

I'm not squeamish - I've worked on a killing line in an abboitoir without ever feeling nauseated but there is something about a shitty nappy that can be gross. Some parents seem immune to it. I used to use an odour neutralising spray if need be with my own kids.

However, it was still not unreasonable for the lady to be changing her kids nappy in the loos. It's unpleasant but reasonable.

I don't like your paraplegic comment I think it was beyond OTT, but I do wish that you find some sort of coping mechanism to help you deal with situations like this in the future. What's so wrong with it?? Do physical disabilities trump hidden ones or is re-wiring the brain oneself (which would be needed to cure autism) easier than re-wiring a bit of spinal cord??

I also find your references to other disabilities bizarre. Comparing your disability to a physical disability is like comparing depression and a heart attack - both serious conditions but completely different. Even I know the difference between depression and a heart attack but why is there such a big difference between obvious and hidden disabilities??? Is it that those of us with the latter could be "normal" if we really wanted (trust me I tried bloody hard), are we more to blame for the way we are or is it the fact that if a disability isn't obvious it can't exist?

For smells I try to carry around something that smells nice. Not actually a pomander grin but a piece of tissue with essential oil on it. Thanks for the suggestion Oak Maiden. Pity someone couldn't have been so helpful higher up the thread. It may seem strange but I actually don't have a very strong sense of smell which is why a lot of people on the spectrum are affected more than me.

You're the one complaining about smells, so I suggested you stay inside forever as this situation isn't going to change. Like it or lump it but don't expect anyone to change, especially the needs of babies for you. I'm not asking anyone to change the needs of babies - I'm asking whether their needs should be met in the designated place.

You are being unreasonable in this instance and you know it. The mother wasn't being unreasonable. Correction - I might know it if I were neurotypical which I'm not.

Having AS des not give you the right to make people thing you are right in what you think and everyone else is wrong. It's shit (pardon the pun) to have a sensory/disability but the world doesn't revolve around you. The woman with the shitty toilet did not (and nobody intends to) go into a PUBLIC toilet and 'risk assess' the entire room in case an AS person comes charging in. Get a grip - you are still BU! I'm not saying she should have risk assessed for every eventuality but there was a designated place for nappy changing.

If you have aspergers, then part of dealing with it, is learning to understand when your reactions are abnormal to what others would do. You can not reasonably expect the rest of the world to understand everyone else's quirks of personality - whether they be a disability or just because someone has abnormal expectations of others - simply because society would grind to a halt trying to do so. You have to go according to what is generally judged as acceptable by the vast majority of society. I agree and can come up with a strategy should it happen again. I was very out of sorts when I posted and would like my condition to be taken seriously. I do not expect everyone to tiptoe around me but would like MNers to fill me in on what the vast majority do judge as acceptable (which is still not always obvious to me even though I'm 38, married and working) without attacking me. Once I know what is generally accepted I can look into a coping strategy but I don't appreciate being flamed in the process.

Maybe I'm being thick but how is a poo-y nappy any more of an issue in a sanitary bin than blood covered jam rags, they don't smell too nice after a while either. The latter is what sanitary bins are for and doesn't make me retch.

Evening all bit of peace and love needed all round here I think.
A reminder of our talk guidelines
OP -there is lots of good advice here, and well meant.
Thanks

It's a restroom. It is generally accepted that in a restroom you run the risk of seeing unflushed toilets, used sanitary pads, and yes even nappies on the floor because the changing station was in use. I've had to change poop filled nappies on the floor of a restroom too once, in the public area because the stalls were too small and there was no changing station. It was not fun for anyone involved.

Having a disability doesn't make you beyond reproach. Seeing waste in a restroom isn't a new phenomenon. If you are going to go use a public restroom you need to take whatever measures work for you to deal with that. Part of dealing with your disability means learning to deal with everyday situations so you can function.

I have a dyscalculia, and if I go off the main path so to speak I get lost where I literally am unable to get my bearings. I can't expect construction workers to not make detours because it screws up my drive to work. You learn to work with it or bring tools to help you out.

Unfortunately, this is your problem and not the fault of the mother.

She was wrong to put the dirty nappy in the sanitary bin though. Some poor bastard has got to deal with that now. That's one of the points I was trying to make. I've often seen signs asking people not to do this although I didn't see one on this occasion. If she'd taken it away with her (or even put it in a scented bag first) the smell would have quickly gone.

Unfortunately, this is your problem and not the fault of the mother. Why is it not the mother's fault that she put the nappy in the sanitary bin? I'd have been OK if she'd taken it away or put it in the bin in the baby changing room.

But I thought it was the sight of the nappy as well. As the smell?? wouldn't have mattered what bin she used you would still have smelt and seen it. Your just jumping on the bin used now as it's the only part mentioned that remotely agreed with you.

Part of dealing with your disability means learning to deal with everyday situations so you can function. It's not an everyday situation (or if it is I've obviously been very lucky and avoided it). I've known mothers change their DCs in the ladies before but there have been proper facilities in there so I've known to look away and they've disposed of the nappies properly.

But I thought it was the sight of the nappy as well. As the smell??confused wouldn't have mattered what bin she used you would still have smelt and seen it. Your just jumping on the bin used now as it's the only part mentioned that remotely agreed with you. No I'm not - there's a difference between a quick whiff and a lingering smell plus the anger about her having put it in the wrong place

I'd have been OK if she'd taken it away or put it in the bin in the baby changing room.

That's not what you said earlier. Then it was the sight and the smell.

Regardless, it is your problem that you can't bear the smell of poo in a public toilet, no one else's.

So a different grey lidded bin would have made a difference?

Anyway, I hate threads where the OP asks if they are being unreasonable And then refuses to accept that perhaps they are. They are pointless.

OP, this is AIBU- and the concensus is yes. You can keep asking in slightly different ways but I'm afriad you're not going to get the response you may want.

You say that you struggle to 'get' social rules and etiquette. Try to learn from the responses you have had here to help yourself in the future, rather than being defensive.

I suggest you really work on your coping mechanisms. A couple of us have suggested essential oils upthread, and someone else had a really good idea of having caming pictures on your phone to look at to help distract. What about a calming song to play through earphones too? I remember a horrible incident when I was about 13 where I was stuck in a car with someone who was being sick. The smell of sick used to greatly affect me but right then I had no choice. I relied on staring out an open window and loud music through earphones and it really helped.

I'd have been OK if she'd taken it away or put it in the bin in the baby changing room.

Maybe changing rooms are different in the UK, but in the US it's just another stall in the restroom (usually the handicap stall). Sometimes it's just a Koala pull down station right there in the open. Is there an entirely separate closed off room for these babies to be changed in?

It's not an everyday situation (or if it is I've obviously been very lucky and avoided it). I've known mothers change their DCs in the ladies before but there have been proper facilities in there so I've known to look away and they've disposed of the nappies properly.

So, you can look away for some nappies, but not others. Ok.

Cool story bro.

Anyway, I hate threads where the OP asks if they are being unreasonable And then refuses to accept that perhaps they are. They are pointless. I can accept that I may have been unreasonable about changing nappies in the loo even though there was a designated place for it next door. I cannot accept these attitudes to my condition.

I think it's a little unfair to feel angry about the bin she used, it sounds like she was in a difficult situation, if it was a really stinky nappy the best available option may have been to put in in the sanitary bin as the alternative may have been take it back out into the restaurant area and wait outside holding onto it until the baby change became free.

So, you can look away for some nappies, but not others. Ok. If there's a baby changing station I know to look away. A nappy on the floor which is the first thing I see when i go in is another matter.

OP you are just going around in circles. You need to hide this thread. You are never going to convince the majority including me that YANBU.

I am sure had she taken the nappy back in to the restaurant in her hand bag you would have come on here complaining about the smell and how it put you off your meal.

They don't have attitude towards your condition. They are picking you up on your inconsistency.

An alternative bin would have been fine. Still lidded bin what's the difference.

Putting it in her bag would have been fine. But you'd have still seen it and if she remained in there for the duration of your visit to the loo you'd still have smelt it.

You can look. Away at some nappies but not others.

So a different grey lidded bin would have made a difference?

Yes it would because I wouldn't have been bothered about it being in the wrong place and the nappy bin was in a separate room anyway.

It was in a bin with other "clinical waste"

I have had to change ds's nappies in the ladies before, as he is disabled and no longer fits on the changing tables. I wouldn't however put the nappy in the sanitary bin, and the mum in the op should have flushed the poo down the toilet (if possible), bagged it and found a proper bin.

I don't think the mum in the op was bu to use the floor, but she should have disposed of it properly.

ProudAS I think if disabled toilets are available you should use those (and bollocks to anyone who complains). It is hard if you find parts of everyday life overwhelming and painful and I am shocked that people are being so harsh.

Ds finds hand dryers, flushes and smells overwhelming, so we are in a double bind if there are no disabled facilities around.

The suggestion of the essential oil is a good one, I was going to try pepprmint or lemon with ds and his fear of the smell of school dinners.