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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Mum changing shitty nappy in ladies

368 replies

ProudAS · 20/09/2014 13:03

I just went to the loo in a restaurant to find a mum had just changed her DC. The used nappy was on the floor with poo visible. She did get rid of the nappy (in the sanitary bin) but not the smell.

The smell made me retch and feel sick. AIBU to think she should have used the baby changing room next door?

OP posts:
ProudAS · 20/09/2014 17:01

I dident know you have ASpergers, dd7 has ASD, yes I understand strong unpleasant smells being worse for you op, I dint think you can do much about it, it's not often you come across it. Thanks aeroflot - let me know if you come up with any mechanisms. You are right - it doesn't happen very often thankfully but I was very het up when I made the original post.

I do have some sympathy for you regarding your sensory issues but that is yours to deal with and if you can't manage in a toilet that has the potential to smell of shite then you should make alternative arrangements. Any suggestions re alternative arrangements???

Granted - seeing a shitty nappy as you walk in is probably a bit bleurgh but no more so than seeing floaters or skids in public loo's. I do get bothered by floaters but not to this degree and then there's the fact that I can do something about it by flushing.

For whatever reason the lady didn't use the baby change, I find it difficult to believe that on the floor in the ladies was her first choice. She WNBU - she was using the toilet for its designed purpose = toileting needs. The child was standing upright so may have been changed in that position and the floor looked fairly clean.

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 20/09/2014 17:06

You can quote everything you like and yes I'm. Sorry you suffer the way you do BUT there is absolutely nothing you can say that will change the fact that she did absolutely nothing wrong and wasn't being disrespectful in any way and I find it quite bizarre to be honest that yku cannot accept she was in a perfectly adequate place to perform a nappy change and that it was nothing but bad timing that u saw and smelt what you did.

Whether a changing facility was available or not the toilet is perfectly fine to do what she did.

FlossyMoo · 20/09/2014 17:08

I am afraid OP at the end of the day you ABU to blame this women for doing something that was perfectly acceptable in the place it was designed for.
You really do need to get over this. Maybe hide the thread otherwise you are just going to get upset because every time someone new comes on to MN they are going to be telling you YABU.

SugarSkully · 20/09/2014 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

icanmakeyouicecream · 20/09/2014 17:12

Then you need to stay inside for ever. Your needs are not as important as everyone else's, especially little babies. Why should I stay inside?? Babies grow up but I will always be autistic. Would you tell a wheelchair user not to use the bus because your PFB's needs to go in the wheelchair space in their buggy is more important than theirs and what difference does it make when it's a hidden disability?
--

I'm not PFB, I have more than 1 Grin

You're the one complaining about smells, so I suggested you stay inside forever as this situation isn't going to change. Like it or lump it but don't expect anyone to change, especially the needs of babies for you.

And yes, if I was there first I wouldn't move - but that's a whole different thread.

You are being unreasonable in this instance and you know it. The mother wasn't being unreasonable.

jellybelly701 · 20/09/2014 17:15

Im sorry that you have autism and that you have difficulty dealing with things that many people wouldn't even think twice about. It must be very hard for you, however as horrible as this sounds you are a minority. The majority do not have such severe problems so it IS unreasonable for you to expect parents/carers not to change a nappy in a toilet.

I don't like your paraplegic comment I think it was beyond OTT, but I do wish that you find some sort of coping mechanism to help you deal with situations like this in the future.

TheIronGnome · 20/09/2014 17:18

icanmakeyouicecream I'm pretty sure the law now dictates that buggys have to move to make way for wheelchairs...

glenthebattleostrich · 20/09/2014 17:23

I look after a little boy who has various allergies which make his poo almost burn his skin. He has to be changed as soon as he goes, which is inconvenient sometimes. I'm the crazy woman who has been known to change a baby in the street at a bus stop but that is better than the poor baby being in pain for a couple of days. So sorry, OP I would have done the same as the woman. And it isn't always possible to cover the nappy immediately, especially with the little squirm monster I care for! The focus is on getting him clean and worrying about the rest a few minutes later.

I also find your references to other disabilities bizarre. Comparing your disability to a physical disability is like comparing depression and a heart attack - both serious conditions but completely different.

At the end of the day OP, whilst I sympathise with your condition you are responsible for putting in place the coping mechanisms to help you.

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 20/09/2014 17:24

Haven't read the full thread but:

"should ladies use the gents when the ladies is in use?"

I do ... I refuse to give up valuable socialising time queuing to have a pee. If anyone has a problem with that they should complain to whoever manages the loos and suggest they provide more cubicles in the ladies.

glenthebattleostrich · 20/09/2014 17:24

icanmakeyouicescream, YABVVVU not to move or fold down your pushchair for a wheelchair.

ilovesooty · 20/09/2014 17:27

Without saying that the OP is BU or not, I think those who have seen her previous posts might have been aware of her disability. And did her username not offer any clues? I don't think it's necessarily fair to accuse her of drip feeding.

RedToothBrush · 20/09/2014 17:29

The way I see this, even if you have a disability, its still wrong to complain as thats what the purpose of toilets are.

To me its just like someone who had a very bad accident and can no longer walk complaining that someone was using the stairs in front of them and saying this is insensitive because this inflames the trauma they suffered as a result of the accident.

This is a IABU, and the answer has been a quite responding yes, because the normal accepted purpose of a public toilet is to dispose of human waste products and although not typical, was a proper use of those facilities. The fact that you have issues with this, is not the fault of the woman using the facilities - anymore than it is your fault that you have issues, but you are being unreasonable in saying that she is being disgusting.

If you have aspergers, then part of dealing with it, is learning to understand when your reactions are abnormal to what others would do. You can not reasonably expect the rest of the world to understand everyone else's quirks of personality - whether they be a disability or just because someone has abnormal expectations of others - simply because society would grind to a halt trying to do so. You have to go according to what is generally judged as acceptable by the vast majority of society.

I get the feeling that you now see this as a personal slight, and are going overboard in defending what you believe. However tbh, its one of those that is indefensible regardless of your issues and one you have to bite the bullet on and accept that given the responses here, that your reaction is the thing that is wrong and not the woman in question.

insancerre · 20/09/2014 17:31

Of coursevshevwas drip feeding.
I don't know the history of the whole of mumsnet and its ridiculous to expect people to realise a poster has aspergera from their username. I find that a really weird suggestion

RedToothBrush · 20/09/2014 17:37

The drip feeding is totally irrelevant anyway.

Is it unreasonable to change a nappy in the toilets.

No.

Whoever is viewing that is beside the point!

junkfoodaddict · 20/09/2014 17:37

Having AS des not give you the right to make people thing you are right in what you think and everyone else is wrong. It's shit (pardon the pun) to have a sensory/disability but the world doesn't revolve around you. The woman with the shitty toilet did not (and nobody intends to) go into a PUBLIC toilet and 'risk assess' the entire room in case an AS person comes charging in.
Get a grip - you are still BU!

junkfoodaddict · 20/09/2014 17:39

Why would her username give us a clue to her diability? ProudAS could mean Proud as punch for all anyone knew!!! Or is just because ilovesooty must be superintelligent and works for the secret service at codebreaking and everyone else must have some sort of mental disability that we cannot work out the clue???
FWIW - My username DOES NOT indicate that I am addicted to junk food either!

Oakmaiden · 20/09/2014 17:41

For smells I try to carry around something that smells nice. Not actually a pomander Grin but a piece of tissue with essential oil on it.

If I come across an unexpected smell then I hoist my clothing up around my face to smother the smell a bit and repeat "lavender, lavender, lavender" to myself, while trying to think of lavender. Cos it smells nice, so thinking about it is less likely to make me retch than thinking about the skid marks on the loo.

It is still unpleasant, but it does help a bit. But, also, I am aware it is my problem, and not anyone else's.

PunkrockerGirl · 20/09/2014 17:45

She was wrong to put the dirty nappy in the sanitary bin though. Some poor bastard has got to deal with that now.

FlossyMoo · 20/09/2014 17:53

I have never seen her posts before as AIBU is not one of the specialist boards and as far as her username is concerned I thought it was proud as. As in proud as punch to be a mummy. So for me the OP was drip feeding.

FlossyMoo · 20/09/2014 17:53

Oh and she is still BU.

ithoughtofitfirst · 20/09/2014 17:54

oakmaiden i think i love you

formerbabe · 20/09/2014 17:55

I can see how given the ops situation that it was not a nice environment to be in but nevertheless the mum in question did nothing wrong.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 20/09/2014 17:56

Wow there are some people being enormous dicks on this thread.

And I don't mean the OP

trufflesnout · 20/09/2014 18:01

Yy Fanjo.

The bathroom smelt of faeces because the mother didn't dispose of the nappy properly, but she was fine to change her baby there.

DrWhooves · 20/09/2014 18:03

Maybe I'm being thick but how is a poo-y nappy any more of an issue in a sanitary bin than blood covered jam rags, they don't smell too nice after a while either.