to be so desperate for some help that I just want to walk down to the local A&E

[Margaritte]

I have namechanged for this, as am pretty regular (not for a few months though)

I am suffering from pnd for the 2nd time in my life. I self helped the first time, having had the option of AD's or nothing. DH & I managed, although he did have some time of work as I got quite unwell. Always have underlying anxiety, though well managed.
Fast forward a few years, and a 3rd child. Now I start to recognise those feelings. Left it a few months, then went to the DR on Monday (different area) and have an appointment to see someone for help on Monday next week.
Thing is, I cant cope. My DH is at work & will be all day tomorrow (not home until after midnight) I want to get up and walk away.
He has tidied, washed up, organised a throw together dinner, got the dc in the pjs all before leaving for the night (couple of hours ago) I just cant do it anymore though.
The other night, I started an arguement with him at 2am (when he got in from work) and walked out as I just wanted to walk & walk.
Its truely awful as I get glimpses where Im ok (kind of) and its terrifying me as I can see it is getting worse, yet am unable to stop it. Im having unwelcome thoughts and am paranoid my dh is going to stop loving me.
I dont know what to do, and I cant stand it

Can you call out of hours doc..?

Is there anyone nearby that you can call for help? Friend? Neighbour? Family member? Some company may help you manage the next few hours until dh is home and then you could discuss how to manage the weekend until you can see the doctor.

Have you got any friends/family you can ring to get help? If you have ring someone now and also call out of hours GP.

Yes, A&E can help you through the weekend if you need it.

Try your out of hours doc first, especially if there's a 24hr chemist nearby. Try this now, then if they can't help you can get to A&E before drunk o'clock.

You are having a health emergency and you are just as justified in asking for help as someone with a physical problem.

Hope you're feeling better soon x

Eurgh i know this feeling all too well.

What will going to A and E achieve? Does anyone in RL know how you feel?can you call in any family help?

I know those glimpses so well. They are the reality, the other stuff is the nasty stuff that your brain makes up when it's broken. You can cope and you are fine. You just need to STOP. BREATHE. reach out for help and tackle one problem at a time.

Can you get someone to look after the kids and go to A&E? They will be able to access a crisis team for you to speak with, who will be able to give you immediate help rather than waiting for your GP appointment. I really hope you are OK, and that you are able to get to A&E x

I cant call DH as he wont be able to come. I called him 2 weeks ago begging him to come home, which he did, though work wont let him do it again, Im sure.
I feel bad every night now, and have been desperate to escape. Tonight is much the same, except I know that I wont have DH home until Sunday. He will be home early hours, then out again tomorrow morning until early hours Sunday.
I just want to go somewhere and sleep and sleep. I cant though and my whole body is almost itching with agitation. Im v. worried that SS will become involved, and I dont want them too. I make sure the dc are fed, and washed, and access to toys.
They dont deserve to have their lives disrupted by SS, and I dont want to cause this for them.
DH is being very helpful, though I dont know how to explain to him just how much I need him, and also as I said, Im terrified he is going to stop loving me. No idea why, as we have been together nearly 9yrs and got through a lot together, without having this fear.

Where about are you? How old are your children? If there is someone on here near to you would you accept some company and help?

I have had PND three times and it is really crap. I have had depression since I was 15 and it would have helped if someone had prepared me for parenthood and told me about PND. I also think I would have benefitted from having MN and someone to talk to albeit on line.

It is shit but you are ill and you need help to get better. Make the call to the doctors.

Also, I dont have anyone local to me, we moved here just over 1yr ago and I am not that close with friends yet. My DH mother is lovely, yet lives around 65miles away and doesnt know anything yet about this.
My family are v. much of the mental health is pathetic people and was not interested in my last pnd or my on going anxiety, so much so that it seemed to annoy my mum.
Anyhow, they live thousands of miles so no good regardless.
I feel bad for my dc, they are so loving and I know I must get help for them, though am scared of making it worse, if that makes sense.

Itsfab, I crossed post with you.
I am in South East and my dc..have 1 on secondary, 1 in Infants and a 17month old

How old is the secondary aged dc? Could they look after others while you go to out of hours?

I am in the SE too. Mine are closer in age than yours but I still remember the horror of PND and the disappointment when family are useless regarding depression.

Call Samaritans to talk things through or to feel more sane. That's what I did when P nd was out of control. You 'll be ok , this will pass

Can anyone tell me please-
What will a&e do for me? What happened when you went? Do social servicesget involved? What is the crisis team?

MrsCumbersnatch- what happened when you went (sorry if thats too personal)

First of all sending a virtual hug. Its truly awful going through PND or agitated depression. You wouldn't tell someone with broken leg to try and 'cope' on their own, and you deserve professional help. There are people who want to help - its just getting in contact with them. Just some suggestions:

1. Try and contact your husband and be totally honest and upfront about how you are feeling / thinking etc. It may be a relief to him that you are telling him how you feel - he's probably quite worried about you. Depression does make communication harder, because it distorts how we perceive things.

1. The Out of hours GP service - tell them you have had PND before, and are having unpleasant thoughts etc. With 3 children it would seem more practical for someone to visit you at home, but aware the local services may not have that facility. Sometimes Psychiatric Nurses from a Crisis or Home Treatment Team do home visits in the evenings.

Please don't discount the drug option - even if you don't chose antidepressants, there are plenty of other short term drug options to relieve agitation (which is a horrible symptom) and help sleep.

You are doing amazingly considering how awful you must be feeling.

Sending and hope you feel better soon.

PS I can't see how SS would be involved - the priority now is that you get proper help and treatment for the PND. If you'd broken both legs your husband's employers would surely give him time off work to support you and the family. Mental illness is no different - hence the anti-discriminartory laws.

Sorry about long post - other people have sent good advice.

SS weren't even mentioned and I had AND and PND three times. Don't worry about that, your children are not being abused or neglected.

A Crisis Team is a Team made up usually of doctors, nurses (Psychiatric Nurses), support workers etc. They support people suffering from mental illness through a time of crisis, for days to weeks (rather than months - years). They often are available to speak to through the night for someone under their care. They can visit several times a day if necessary.

MindLine telephone helpline – out of hours confidential listening service
Freephone: 0808 808 0330
Wednesday to Sunday, 8:00 PM to Midnight

Also NHS 111

Seeing as you have already name hanged, can you be more specific about your location?

I had awful pnd twice. I really sympathise. I don't know how I didn't just walk out.

Ok, Im going to call DH now baby is asleep & then call MindLine.. Or vice versa. If I cant manage after that I will call out of hours GP.

I live near Maidstone.

How you doing OP? Did you manage to reach your DP?

Well done Margaritte on calling your DH. That is the first step.

You say you don't have close friends. Do you know what, if a mum I'd met just a couple of times called or messaged me asking for help I would be there in an instant. After a day of dd's continual crying I got to 3 pm and couldn't take any more. I called the only person I knew who worked part time. I knew her from work but not well. She arrived at my house in 10 minutes from me calling. That was 6.5years ago and she is now my best friend.
call someone, anyone. It will get better, you will come through it. This stage is hard with or without pnd. I have 3dc (6.5yo and 3yo twins). Pm me if you'd like x