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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so desperate for some help that I just want to walk down to the local A&E

130 replies

Margaritte · 19/09/2014 18:13

I have namechanged for this, as am pretty regular (not for a few months though)

I am suffering from pnd for the 2nd time in my life. I self helped the first time, having had the option of AD's or nothing. DH & I managed, although he did have some time of work as I got quite unwell. Always have underlying anxiety, though well managed.
Fast forward a few years, and a 3rd child. Now I start to recognise those feelings. Left it a few months, then went to the DR on Monday (different area) and have an appointment to see someone for help on Monday next week.
Thing is, I cant cope. My DH is at work & will be all day tomorrow (not home until after midnight) I want to get up and walk away.
He has tidied, washed up, organised a throw together dinner, got the dc in the pjs all before leaving for the night (couple of hours ago) I just cant do it anymore though.
The other night, I started an arguement with him at 2am (when he got in from work) and walked out as I just wanted to walk & walk.
Its truely awful as I get glimpses where Im ok (kind of) and its terrifying me as I can see it is getting worse, yet am unable to stop it. Im having unwelcome thoughts and am paranoid my dh is going to stop loving me.
I dont know what to do, and I cant stand it Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Margaritte · 19/09/2014 21:20

I managed to get hold of DH. I told him him abit more, about my unwanted thoughts & how I need help desperately. He is going to see if he can get home now& said he will get whatever help we can.
I couldn't call Mind as it says on the website its for people near Bristol.

motherofdragons, I will pm you, thank you

OP posts:
BumpNGrind · 19/09/2014 21:35

My mother works in community mental health and works with many women who have severe pnd. With help, they do get better. Obviously she doesn't share confidential information with me, but I know that she finds these cases heartbreaking when working through them, but incredible when the process starts to make a difference and the treatments start to work. You can get help and things won't always be like this.

Please don't feel that you have to hide something or not get treatment because it will go away, it needs to be dealt with properly before that can happen. You have every right to access good, proper help and you deserve to be treated and supported until you feel well again. People care about you and even in a community of online strangers you have people like me who are concerned about your well being and wish you well in your recovery.

Good luck x

OlderMummy1 · 19/09/2014 21:37

Another one to give you a hug. I know how awful PND can be and how desperate you can feel. Just tell everyone who will listen, they will help you. If I was nearer I would come round and help you myself xx

guineapig1 · 19/09/2014 21:45

Hopefully your DH can get home to you and you can get some advice and support this weekend. You say your Mil is lovely, would you and DH be able to speak with her and explain the difficulties ( don't even have to be specific, just say you are exhausted). Could she come to stay for a short while, even a couple if days would help? I would really try to see if this is an option.

noclevername · 19/09/2014 21:54

Well done for getting through to your DH. It sounds like he'll do whatever it takes to get you some help - through GP out-of-hours; 111 or A&E. Or just being with you through the night until the morning when it may be easier to see someone.

Sorry that Mindline number was for wrong region.

Samaritans National telephone: 08457 909090

x

Itscurtainsforyou · 19/09/2014 21:57

OP I really hope you get the help you need. I feel for you. At one point last year I felt that I was going to do something extreme so I phoned the out of hours service and begged for some drugs. They sorted out an appointment straight away and gave me something to tide me over until I got an emergency appt with my GP on the Monday.
It's a horrible feeling.

Take care

maddening · 19/09/2014 22:11

Can you get a friend or relative to come and be responsible for the dc's then go to ooh doctor (much nicer as you have an appointment and don't have to sit it a&e - my ooh is situated right next to a&e but you go in a separate waiting room.

What helped you through last time - it is good that you can recognise the signs but did you have any exercises or techniques that helped when you were suffering before?

Keep going - you did it last time and the world still span - life gets back to it's own version of normal and you will enjoys your life and your dc again and will probably appreciate it all the more for having made it through this time and you will be out there having fun with your dc.

CheerfulYank · 19/09/2014 22:14

Best of luck OP. I live in America or I'd be there like a shot.

Original poster
Margaritte · 19/09/2014 22:39

Well, DH has not come home, so doesn't look like he is going to.
I don't feel any better either, although I have tried. I really just want this all to stop & not sure what my next move should be. Obviously now I cant go to a Doctor as I have no one to watch the dc.
It all feels incredibly frustrating Sad

OP posts:
ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 19/09/2014 22:48

When is dh due home?
Do you feel like you can manage until then? Can you try to sleep/rest?

If you can't make it until he comes home then I think you need to call out of hours doctor, Samaritans or a friend (as motherofdragons said, it doesn't need to be a particularly close friend. If someone I had met yesterday called and asked for help in this situation i'd be there in a shot)

If there's really no way to get someone to come to you then, yes, bundle dc into car and go to a&e (unless the eldest is old enough to watch the others until you or dh are home)

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 19/09/2014 22:50

Just one more thought... You've coped for the last four and a half hours since your first post. Bloody well done!!! Now if you can manage a few more until dh gets home you can try to make a plan together. Take care.

43percentburnt · 19/09/2014 22:51

Margaritte can you keep posting on here? Maybe pop onto chat too, try and read some general posts and join in. I had pnd with my first baby and it was awful (not helped by horrid ex). What activities do you normally enjoy? Music, reading, dance? Hugs for you xx

StillSquirrelling · 19/09/2014 23:01

I'm fairly new on here but thought I'd chip in and also send you a virtual hug. I too have suffered PND and it's the pits, especially when you feel you have little to no support (like your family and their attitude to mental health, for example).

As others have said, I too would have been round like a shot if a mum I'd not known long called me and asked for help. I'd actually probably be quite flattered that she considered me. If you have some numbers of mums to call then do so.

You've lasted most of the evening so far - would you be able to go to bed now and try and get some sleep? If not then certainly your out of hours team ought to be able to offer some support or an appt pretty sharpish, especially if you tell them you're having unwelcome thoughts.

Please keep popping in and letting us know how you are getting on. There will be MNers available through the night I imagine. (((hugs)))

m0therofdragons · 19/09/2014 23:17

Have a shower and get your pjs on. Then make a cup of tea. Distract yourself with simple tasks. We are here and we care. Xx

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 19/09/2014 23:40

We're still here OP. Hope you're doing okay.

Original poster
Margaritte · 20/09/2014 02:57

I got sorted into my pj's and then DH came home like he said. We talked & are going to see what can be done immediately for this weekend and then go from there.
Is it still a possibility to get help for tomorrow? do I still contact OOH dr in the mornings, or are they only available nights?
I am in bed now, just cant sleep.

OP posts:
blackteaplease · 20/09/2014 03:35

Hello. I don't know anything about pnd but saw your post and am awake. Ooh gp's are available the entire weekend while your normal surgery is closed. It doesn't matter why time you call.

In my region the out of hours gp service has been replaced by nhs direct. If you are awake and worried now I would give them a call. They should be able to help you

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 20/09/2014 03:43

Oh Margaritte I am so sorry things are so tough for you.

It sounds like your DH loves you very much. If you think you can sleep now he is home you could definitely call OOH or NHS direct first thing and get some help/make a plan.

Well done for asking for help and being honest with your DH. You sound like a great mummy.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 20/09/2014 03:48

Well done OP. You made it through a tough evening and you opened up and asked for help when you needed it. That takes guts.

In my area I could call OOH now and book an appt for tomorrow. If you're still awake then it might be worth googling then calling to see if it's the same for you. At least then you'd know that support was arranged and it might help you rest now.

hellodownhilldepressionfuckoff · 20/09/2014 03:53

HI Op

I am in the south east, although I don't suffer from PND I do suffer from depression, when I have had to I have rung 101 who have booked me an app with the OOH team.

The main thing is, is on Monday get an app with your doctor, advise how you are feeling and ask to be refered to the crisis team. This is not an immediate solution however I have found the crisis team is very quick to respond then other teams

Darkandstormynight · 20/09/2014 06:59

Hello OP, I'm in the States, it is 11:55 pm where I am and I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you. Hopefully you are asleep by now but if you aren't know that I am wishing you all the best. I've never had pnd but anxiety. Hang in there, and sending you a virtual hug!!

ithoughtofitfirst · 20/09/2014 07:36

How are you feeling this morning?

This happened to me after my son was born and my husband got a sick note for week and we used it to get professional help and put things in place for when he went back to work. He didn't get paid but that was the least of our worries.

You might get more joy out of A and E today since it's not friday night xxx

2rebecca · 20/09/2014 08:12

It's limited as to what emergency doctors can do with depression unless you need admitting to a psychiatric hospital. Antidepressants take 2-3 weeks to work and so starting them a day or 2 earlier makes little difference and may cause problems as they don't have your medical records so medication is best started by a GP.
Your area will have an emergency psychiatric team who would see you if it was thought you may need admission or were suicidal.
It sounds as though your husband taking a week off work whilst you see your GP on Monday and discuss medication may be best.
If you want to go somewhere and sleep alot that's for you and your husband/ extended family to sort out. Hospitals aren't good places to sleep.

Original poster
Margaritte · 20/09/2014 09:51

Hello, I managed to get some sleep. ? dont have the agitated feeling this morning.
I am thinking a bit clearer for it. However, I am quite sad and also still determined that I need something to get me through when DH is at work.
My appointment on Monday is not woth the GP (I had that last Monday) It is an appointment with someone from a team called IAPT who are giving me a further assessment. I assume they will provide counselling of some sorts, if they decide I need it.

I googled the OOH doctors, and the 1st result was South East Mental Health Home Team, who will send out a Home Treatment team if needed. I think they assess you and then you stay at 1 of their centres. Thpugh I domt want to do that as I they may involve SS.

ithoughtofitfirst- do you mind sharing what worked for you when DH went back to work please?

OP posts:
noclevername · 20/09/2014 10:45

Not sure that 2rebecca is entirely right.

Whilst antidepressants do take several weeks to begin to work, there are other medications that can ease agitation and help sleep that work within hours.

Either way, an assessment with an expert is important to confirm the diagnosis and see what would help. These days the priority is to support people at home - hence Home Treatment Teams etc.

Margaritte - pleased you feel slightly better this morning. If you and your DH think that you have worsened (for example the agitation you describe) since you were assessed by the GP it would be totally reasonable to be seen again by the GP as an urgent appointment if necessary. Unless of course on Monday IAPT have trained doctors (psychiatrists) to assess.

I agree about your DH taking time off - firstly to help with the children, and also ideally attending appointments with you - or at least provide collateral information about how you have been, which could be very helpful to the person making the assessment and offering a treatment plan. Also depression can hamper communication, especially if you are having thoughts that if well you would dismiss (e.g. concerns about SS).

During weekday hours: www.maidstone-mind.org/dev/

Hoping DH being home will make it easier to :

  • eat nutritious food (good to keep blood sugar stable) and not too much caffeine
- a good walk etc

Hope thats helpful
x