to be so desperate for some help that I just want to walk down to the local A&E

[Margaritte]

I have namechanged for this, as am pretty regular (not for a few months though)

I am suffering from pnd for the 2nd time in my life. I self helped the first time, having had the option of AD's or nothing. DH & I managed, although he did have some time of work as I got quite unwell. Always have underlying anxiety, though well managed.
Fast forward a few years, and a 3rd child. Now I start to recognise those feelings. Left it a few months, then went to the DR on Monday (different area) and have an appointment to see someone for help on Monday next week.
Thing is, I cant cope. My DH is at work & will be all day tomorrow (not home until after midnight) I want to get up and walk away.
He has tidied, washed up, organised a throw together dinner, got the dc in the pjs all before leaving for the night (couple of hours ago) I just cant do it anymore though.
The other night, I started an arguement with him at 2am (when he got in from work) and walked out as I just wanted to walk & walk.
Its truely awful as I get glimpses where Im ok (kind of) and its terrifying me as I can see it is getting worse, yet am unable to stop it. Im having unwelcome thoughts and am paranoid my dh is going to stop loving me.
I dont know what to do, and I cant stand it

Ok, I really want to call someone for help, however I'm not sure if they will see it as wasting their time? I was desperate last night and I managed it through to tonight.. wont they just say do the same until Monday?

Im finding it very hard to think I should wait until Monday, I went last Monday & GP referred me to them. Had to wait all week and then they are only doing an assessment. I am going to have to wait longer, aren't I? Then what, once a week therapy? Offer of pills or nothing like last time?

I just need to stop feeling like this, to having these thoughts, to stop everything being so much bloody hard work. I was ok, I don't know why this is happening again, and I just dread having to recover all over. It was so difficult &drawn out before.

I also feel like I am wasting each day, its so frustrating. Feels like such a large chunk of my life is being wasted again

I meant that I'm finding it very hard to know Im going to have to wait until Monday

I don't think you are feeling any differently to a lot of women with young children however your perception that everyone else is okay is wrong. Take the drugs and let them help you cope in the short term before therapy kicks in.

check you inbox.

its hard when your mind will not let you sleep but your body is so exhausted.

"I don't think you are feeling any differently to a lot of women with young children" Campingfilth.

Sorry but I totally disagree.

The state of clinical depression is on a different scale to the worst day with young children one could imagine. With depression there may be little capacity to feel pleasure (anhedonia) - just a detached intellectual satisfaction from accomplishing tasks like having a shower or putting on a load of washing. It is an accomplishment given the utter fatigue and lack of motivation depression can bring. Totally joyless, and the discomfort of agitation is not to be minimised.

Having been through both types of experience there is no comparison. I would rather live through 10 "tough days with young children" than one with clinical depression. The two are so far apart its not funny. Which is why there are specialist mental health teams and other services specifically to help people recover as quickly as possible from illnesses like PND.

Margaritte - You haven't mentioned your DH - it sounds like he was very concerned to help before. Could you speak with him about whats troubling you most (e.g. agitation, thoughts) and see what he thinks about calling for advice.

It must feel ages and ages until Monday (I think depression does that). But recovering doesn't have to be long and drawn out this time. Its hard because depression is insidious at the beginning, but it seems that you and your DH have recognised the signs, symptoms etc of PND and this should make it easier to get prompt help next week, starting on Monday. I would, with your DH, suggest writing down the symptoms. This can be shown to the GP or IAPT doctor etc.

My personal view is that medication (antidepressants) can be really effective. (They are not addictive btw) . But there should be other options offered too.

Its clear you're making a massive effort for your family, whilst feeling awful. You will get better soon.
(Hugs)

Sorry - have typed too much !

I have tried to call the number I linked to earlier. I tried the last few hours, and they have been engaged each time. They close at 1pm, so too late now. I really need to talk to someone
I need someone to tell me what to do I think until Monday

Noclevername is right, depression and pnd is very different to just a tough day. The unwelcome thoughts are horrible and frightening, the fatigue and hopelessness is paralysing. Sane line are good 08457678000. But don't think they are 24 hours. Samaritans are always there and not just for people feeling suicidal. Talking helps. Hope you're ok OP xx

noclevername- I crossed post with you. My DH is back att work today. He went out this morning and bought some microwave steam meals, then left for work. He wont be back until early hours. I have tried to call him, though Im sure he will call back when he has a minute.
Not sure what good it will be any way as he wont be able to come home again early.

Dragonfly71 - I tried too call Saneline a few times tonight, they closed at 11pm though and were engaged each time I rang. Will Samaritans advise though, or just listen?

Didn't want to read and run. please ring Samaritans Margaritte as they are open 24/7 and will give you space to talk about how you are feeling - they're not just there for people who feel suicidal and may just be able to help you through the next few hours.

I hope things turn a corner for you soon.

Samaritans won't give advice but can help signpost you to other organisations who can.

I'm sorry I don't know how to do
Links on here but you can copy and paste

apni.org/need-help-now/

They give a 24 hour parent line number. They do say that they may not necessarily be experts in pnd but they will listen and help as best they can overnight x

Apni is association for post natal illness and the parent line number they give is 0808 800 2222 incase you can't the link to work

Margaritte I work for Home-Start in another part of the country.

Please do persist with contacting your local Scheme because volunteers can help in so many ways. On a very practical level with cooking etc but also on an emotional level too.

It can sometimes take a little while for a volunteer to be placed but please do try and self refer.

Very best of luck to you.

Well, Samaritans aren't mental health professionals, they are trained volunteers so they might not actually advise, though it could help to talk things through. It is 11.15 now, and your dh is back early hours. Could you make a plan for how you can get through till he gets home? Calling Samaritans being one coping strategy. And then other things that might distract you ( music/ film/ Mumsnet) But if you feel as though it's absolutely unbearable call the local crisis team or 111. There is no shame in asking for help. Really hope you get some answers tomorrow, and I think alleviating the symptoms with medication whilst you get sorted isn't a problem. Talking therapies take a bit longer to work and you sound exhausted by it all.

Meant Monday, not tomorrow

As Dragonfly said.

It would be totally appropriate to speak with The Samaritans - 08457 90 90 90.

Also simple measures - a relaxing bath; make sure you've eaten enough.

Suggest keeping your DH in the picture how you are feeling / thinking - so together you can decide whether to get further advice (from 111, GP or A&E) before Monday.

xx

Campingfilth - I just realised I didn't read your other post properly - that you worked in A & E and had suffered PND. It read as a kind post from someone who knew what they were talking about. I apologise that my comments about depression vs life with young kids in response to your shorter posting might have sounded a bit ranty ?! I hope you feel better soon too - life is tough enough at times without depression as well.

I have spoken to someone from ParentLine. It was good to talk to someone, though I have still come off the call feeling as though I need more than that.
Im trying to get into ShawShank Redemption (on itv) And talking on here is still helping. There are a lot of lovely posts, full of advice & I cant thank you all enough for taking the time to do this. It has played a big part in me managing to get through so far.
I wouldn't of called DH home yesterday, if wasn't strongly suggested on here, as I feel guilty. I wouldnt of rung parentline tonight, or tried HomeStart. Have also had a couple of supportive pms, so thanks for them too, and I have pmed those posters back.

How are you today Margaritte? Is your DH staying home?

If the intrusive thoughts and agitation are worsening please do seek help today. It won't matter whether this is via A&E or the OOH GP - both should be able to access the psych liaison team.

Thinking of you OP and good luck for tomorrow with IAPT and GP.

Hope today has been okay. As Dragonfly said, good luck with everything tomorrow.

Yeah be really honest about how you're affected day to day and you will be fine xx

Nearly Monday Margaritte. Hold on. It's so hard having to push for help when showering feels like climbing Everest.

Can you try to get DH or MIL to be your voice?

Hello, I have managed ok today. DH got called into work a few hours ago to cover, for a short shift. That made me a bit panicky, however managed to feed the dc and get them to bed ok.

The weekend has felt like a blur really, and I'm extremely tired (though cant sleep) The help on here has been so kind, I wonder if there is a section on MN I could get continuous support from on this, after I have had my appointment?