to be so desperate for some help that I just want to walk down to the local A&E

[Margaritte]

I have namechanged for this, as am pretty regular (not for a few months though)

I am suffering from pnd for the 2nd time in my life. I self helped the first time, having had the option of AD's or nothing. DH & I managed, although he did have some time of work as I got quite unwell. Always have underlying anxiety, though well managed.
Fast forward a few years, and a 3rd child. Now I start to recognise those feelings. Left it a few months, then went to the DR on Monday (different area) and have an appointment to see someone for help on Monday next week.
Thing is, I cant cope. My DH is at work & will be all day tomorrow (not home until after midnight) I want to get up and walk away.
He has tidied, washed up, organised a throw together dinner, got the dc in the pjs all before leaving for the night (couple of hours ago) I just cant do it anymore though.
The other night, I started an arguement with him at 2am (when he got in from work) and walked out as I just wanted to walk & walk.
Its truely awful as I get glimpses where Im ok (kind of) and its terrifying me as I can see it is getting worse, yet am unable to stop it. Im having unwelcome thoughts and am paranoid my dh is going to stop loving me.
I dont know what to do, and I cant stand it

I would make an appointment with your GP on Monday as well. Most areas have long waits for counselling and cognitive therapy. That will be useful but if you are feeling persistently low and agitated then antidepressants may have their place too.

I have had a look through some services online. I think I am going to call the local team I mentioned to just talk and see what they suggest. I am also going to call HomeStart, has anyone had them help?
I know what I need help with, practically, not mentally though. I am behind on the housework and my washing machine is broken, so have piles of that to do & no way to do them. I have had a shower this morning, and even that feels like an effort, I need to dry my hair (effort) I need help in getting the dc out each day (where to even begin)
Dinners are an effort, Im supposed to be losing weight through sw, though that is hard too.
I dont know what I need mentally, though I know I need something to help me. Its awful.

Magaritte. Glad you are feeling slightly better this morning. I well remember that feeling of agitation from when I had PND. Being so tired but so restless at the same time.

Do not think about housework etc. imagine you have a broken leg and not depression - this is not the time to be worrying about this.

I really hope your appointment on Monday is helpful. It might be worth trying to see your GP too.

Home start is definitely worth thinking about. Alternatively might be an idea to enlist a mother's help for a few hours a couple of days a week. I contacted a postnatal doula who came to my house 2 morning per week for a few weeks - really helped having the structure and someone to sit and talk to.

I realise that this has fallen off a couple of pages, however I am still going to post, as I have found you all massively helpful.
I tried to call HomeStart, no one was available though (guess they close weekends) I'm still unsure whether to call my crisis team as again, where will the dc go? I did find another website that the lines open for tonight here so will call them when dc are in bed.

I also took the advice to contact someone local, so messaged a mum I have known for a few months. She was lovely and said we can meet on Thursday.

In regards to my state at the moment, I can feel the tension rising again. I have so much to do, and no idea where to start still

Annietheacrobat- I crossed post with you. I will try a mothers help, except not sure we could afford it at the minute.

The house being in a mess, makes me v.stressed. I need it to be calm, decluttered and organised & it is so far from that.

Try not to worry about the housework too much. But i totally get you, i feel much much worse depression wise when i feel like everything is on top of me but have no energy to sort it out. I try to think of everything broken down. Room by room, job by job. Is there anywhere you can take your washing? Laundrette type of thing? And just bundle it all into bags for now, and then that's one job sorted. Meals wise? I would honestly just do oven food from now until you feel better.

Get the kettle on, get a cuppa and a few packs of biscuits and write a massive plan for the practical stuff. The stuff you can control.

Muddle through til Monday doing the best you can and being really kind to yourself. Then let the medical professionals help you with the noggin stuff xxx

But remember that's the anxiety talking too. You do one thing and you'll fixate on something else. (If you're me anyway).

It's a shame we're away next week otherwise would be very happy to come and grab some bags of washing from you - don't live too far away.

I have been trying to do flylady, with the babysteps. However today I just had to get dressed (which I did) And wash up ( which I haven't)
I have the dc bath running now. DH picked up some 'LittleDish' steam meals for younger 2, and a Pasta bake for 2 for me and oldest dc to share. So just have to throw it in the microwave.
I really need to hoover too, though I just want to bath dc, feed them & watch X Factor with the dc ( they love it )

With regards to oven meals, that sounds great. Is there a way I could compromise though? So they are still healthy a bit for the dc? Would help massively though just to take stuff out the freezer/ fridge & stick in the microwave/ oven.

I may see about the laundrette. We are running out of clothes now too.
I can feel my agitation coming back though, getting quite frustrated with the amount I have to do.

The whole thing with DH taking a week off work, would be so helpful for me. Not sure it will happen though- I will ask him when he is home tomorrow.

Crossed posts Annietheacrobat. Thank you for the thought anyway.

Would DH support the idea of a Home Laundry collection service ?

I presume that a home insurance policy for a broken washing machine wouldn't cover the above though.

As ithoughtofitfirst said, just getting through the weekend and being kind to yourself,

xx

I think he would, actually. Are they v. expensive though.
I have bathed the dc & they are sitting down for their dinner now (little ones) Me & older DC aren't hungry yet.
I did half the washing up whilst their meals were cooking(microwave) Rest is on to soak.
However I am getting quite stressed as the place needs hovering etc. Am trying to ignore.
I am going to keep posting throughout the weekend as this is helping me a bit. I feel like people understand, which is so nice.
Thank you mumsnet

Really think you should tell your mum. 65 miles away is only an hours drive, you need help whether it be to get the house tidied or to give you some moral support in the phone or sort out the washing machine etc. Do give her the chance to help,

I work in A and E and if you come in saying you were struggling you would have been helped. You would have been able to speak to the 24 hour mental health liaison service who would have then, hopefully, referred you to the community services. I don't think SS would get involved unless your children would be considered at risk however, they might just want to have a chat to you and make sure you are accessing the right services and staying in touch with your HV and GP. If you start feeling very down/bad please do use A and E I certainly would do all I could to help make you feel better.

I had PTSD, PND and was basically having a shite time and had to take 10 months off work. I did get a visit from SS after a mix up with communication and she was lovely. She saw that I was indeed accessing the right people and doing all I could to get back on track and not be so nuts. So please don't be afraid of SS they can be a good source of help.

If it makes you feel any better my house hasn't been hovered all week, and I have a cat and a dog, because I have been on nights, can't be arsed and feeling a bit down. You know what....we are all still alive! So please stop beating yourself up about the little things as trust me on this on your death bed you are not going to give a flying shit about the hovering, however you will think back and think 'I wish I'd been kinder on myself'

Keep posting on here if it helps. I've been were you are and some days I am still very down. Life is hard, life with kids is harder and throwing in a bit of PND makes it extremely hard. Huge hugs xxx

Poor you, OP. Not sure if someone has already mentioned this but trying to put DCs to bed and don't want to read every post. Have you tried calling Talking Therapies? 0300 365 2000. Please give them a try, I believe they're very good with anxiety, etc.

Heels99- Its my MIL who lives closer (65miles), I think I will speak to her as Im sure she will help.

campingfilth -thank you for sharing that with me,& every one else who has told me their stories. it helps to know people understand. If I did go to A&E (really am struggling through this weekend) What would I have to say? Do I go to them or to the O.O.H doctor that is there? What would they likely do?

Healthy easy food? I would say things like pasta and pesto, even jar of curry sauce fry up some ready diced chicken, frittata (sp?).. stuff that takes minimal thinking and where you don't have be on your feet chopping veggies and stuff.

It's a really good sign that you still want food to be healthy even if you lack the energy.... That's something that's really important to you that the illness can't take away . Hold on to those things.

Ham69- I crossed post with you, I will google talking therapies.

ithoughtofitfirst thank you for the dinner ideas. They really will help. For days where I cant even manage that though, is there any thing I can throw straight into the oven or microwave? I can only think of steam veg & inspirations cod fillet (?)

How does everyone else manage dinners when they feel like this?

Hi Margaritte...

My quickest dinner ever is.....

Ready cooked chicken drumsticks
Microwave packet of rice
Bag of salad!

Literally chuck on plate!!! Super easy...my kids have this regularly when I am knackered or stressed!

Hope things improve for you soon x

Pasta and pesto, sprinkling of grated cheese optional.

It's my go to meal when I am exhausted and just need to get everyone fed and in bed.

I really think talking therapies are worth a go, OP. Good luck.
Easy food ideas - well I hate cooking so my top tips are;
Frozen mash - bloody marvellous! 3 mins in microwave with a splodge of milk or butter and my kids love it with sausages or fish fingers or even sprinkled with cheese and veg
Frozen veg- I have a steamer that goes in the microwave and always have frozen green beans, peas, etc in freezer
Wholewheat pasta with dolmio sauce, pesto sauce and add frozen veg
Quite often I'll make a healthy pasta sauce and freeze in small portions so all I have to do is boil pasta and stick sauce in microwave on defrost and then heat
And I don't think you can go wrong with beans on wholemeal toast with grated cheese every now and again.

You would just have to say how you are feeling, ask to speak to the psyche liaison nurse, tell them you are struggling and want help and you can't cope. sometimes speaking to someone helps you to cope. you need to be listened to.

Hugs I remember that feeling and as I still am on ad for depression still have off days when v tired or forgotten tablet.

Quick meals and snack: Frozen jacket potatoes, beans and cheese, (sw friendly) beans on toast (swf) tinned chilli and microwave rice generally swf) quick cook pasta (the filled stuff) and jar sauce, quiche (swf if no cheese) and salad, precut fruit and veg for snacks (swf) low fat yoghurts (swf) rice cakes and low fat philly with ham etc any meat and salad (swf). Not all meals but all stuff I like when feeling crap and my ds 3years will eat most of it. 2 min microwave porridge / weetabix with fruit or sweetner good comfort food and swf.

Hope this help xx

Also if you feel up to it do big batch of spag bol, chilli, soup or casserole and freeze. Can do all in slow cooker I think if you have one just chuck it in. If not I seriously recommend getting one.

2nd frozen mash and also frozen onions swear by them. X

Oh yes, cereal when feeling really shit. Can't see a problem with that.