To be really annoyed with the debate today on Loose Women?

[ScouseBird8364]

Firstly, let me say, I do NOT watch this shite usually, I flicked it on as background noise this afternoon but was caught by the debate they were having, namely Domestic Abuse.

The whole debate was centred around the basis of the woman being the victim and the man, the perpetrator. They had a guest speaker on, I think she was affiliated with the refuge system in some way, very anti-men, and brought up these statistics about 95% of perpetrators being male etc.

This makes me so angry. The only reason the statistic is so unbalanced is because men don't come forward as often as women probably do.

I am aware of womens refuge's, but are there any for men?

I think far too much emphasis is placed on the male in these cases and is much too overlooked

Just my opinion, rant over.

I don't deny that the MAJORITY of victims are female, trust me...

My point was (and is), the debate was made in the way that no men are ever victims - you only have to read the comments made on their Facebook page, people aren't happy in the slightest at the way this debate went.

It's also fuelled me further, from a story I heard a few weeks ago, how about Kelly Brook has mocked her ex partners in her new biography for the fact they put up with her 'hitting' them That is not funny

Obviously the answer is that us women need to step up and abuse our partners to even out the statistics. It's only way we'll ever achieve equality.

usual, why would I be 'mummtolittleone'?! Are you high?

WTF has my username got to do with anything?

btw, I have 3 little ones, so that name wouldn't really fit

ihatethecold

you engage with his misogyny then, if you are so concerned about his unfair treatment

Sanitry, funny how someone thinks you're a 'troll' merely for having differing opinions

Does anyone watch Loose Women because they want to?

It's mentioned and referred to an awful lot on Mnet, yet people are only ever watching it because nothing else is on at that time when they absolutely need to be in front of the tv, as they are at home with a task or not working at so etching incredibly worthy and important somewhere else and it's their first day off work EVER. And clearly the radio stations have failed and there are no DVDs or audio books.

It's a fucking mystery to me how many innocent Mumsnetters are FORCED to watch Loose women and then talk about it on here.

I think it's something we need to discuss further to see if we can help our fellow Mnetters.

So did she say that 95% of victims are female, or did she say that 'no men are ever victims'?

ihatethecold, it's usually because they are bitter with something or another and get annoyed when somebody does not agree with them?

I SIMPLY said in my op, that the actual debate angeted me, where did I say that I was going to go aid in the help for male victims?!

It's also fact that women tend not to come forward until something happens that uncovers the truth of what they've endured over the years, of course.

Even if we assume for the sake of argument that a greater proportion of female-on-male DA goes unreported than male-on-female DA, where's your evidence that enables you to jump from that to asserting that the only reason the figures are unbalanced is underreporting?

If you look at homicide figures (which can't so easily be underreported, because there's a body to deal with and the victim's embarrassment isn't a factor) then the WHO estimates that men are six times less likely than women to be killed by a partner. If you extrapolate from there then that might suggest the ratio could be more 86% of perpetrators being male rather than 95% -- even so, still a pretty darn unbalanced figure.

There are refuges for men, yes.

Well, let's see.

Men who suffer from domestic violence deserve help and support. But it's a very different help and support that they need. The male victims who I have spoken to have expressed very different concerns from female victims. They are rarely in fear of their lives. The main fear comes, not from the actual violence, but from the shame and ridicule that they will face. They are ashamed that they did nothing to stop it, primarily because they were concerned that they would hurt their partner and they have been taught that men don't hit women. Rarely were they the ones without the financial means to leave.

None of the above means that they were not victims but it means that they need a very different type of support than female victims. I believe that the research that has been done suggests that refuges are not the solution or the support that men need.

Now can you see why it's a different discussion ?

Why don't you go off and do something about the needs of male victims instead of trying to take away from the female victims.

I will always prioritise the group who suffer the most, who live in fear of serious injury and death, who are financially unable to leave, who face this on a daily basis. Doesn't mean that I don't give a shit about the men but there's only so much of me to go around and prioritising the greater need is more important to me.

SanitryOwl you're wrong! Being 'trollish' IS as you say being goady, or simply not being 'real' so to speak - I am real and NOT being goady, it pisses me off the fact it's so overlooked that men are also victims of DA

The only reason the statistic is so unbalanced is because men don't come forward as often as women probably do.

Giving you the benefit of the doubt, I think it is the above statement which has riled other posters. It is not the 'only' reason that statistic about domestic abuse primarily concern male on female violence and to make such a bald statement suggests either a lack of thought or an attempt to provoke on your part.

I am afraid OP that even if all those me who do not report their DV did the figure for female victims would still be higher.

FlossyMoo, I stated this, in other words, in a previous comment. My bugbear is the fact that the opposite side of the story is all too often overlooked. I am aware of numerous perpetrators who are women, yet they think it's right to act the way they do

I give you a (generous) 3/10 OP.

A quick google shows that in 2012/13 53% of all female murder victims were killed by a partner or ex partner compared to 4% of men. In 2010/11 that figure was 61%.

Is it really such a huge leap for your tiny little mind to suggest that that might means that male to female DV is a lot more prevelant than the other way around.

Nobody, including the person on the television apparently, is saying that men are never domestic violence victims.

The statistics are the statistics. You can't get angry with people reporting them just because you happen to know some abusive women. It would be like me getting angry at a report that Jack was the most common boys name for over a decade when I don't know a single boy named Jack and I know 8 Joshuas.

HotPink I'm curious about the number of people who accidentally watch Loose Women too. Also Jeremy Kyle. I have never accidentally watched this shit. Never deliberately watched it either.

Maybe these victims are suffering because of the complexity of modern remote controls, they can't figure out how to switch to Diagnosis Murder? MNHQ should offer a training course ...

I can see the OPs point. There is research as well that now backs this up. Domestic abuse is not so one sided. Men may possibly make up the majority of reported violence cases but if you factor in the emotional abuse you will find that both genders are often equally as bad.

Women do a much better job all round on relationship breakups of convincing other people that they were wronged and are a victim.

Time to remove gender from this whole debate. Any violence or emotional abuse irrespective of the perpetrator's or victim's gender is wrong. Time the police also stopped openly discriminating against people on the basis of gender stereotypes

It is not an opposite side of the story OP it is a different victim group.

DV against men is not overlooked and it is discussed more and more in an attempt to support those who suffer but that doesn't change the fact that statistically it is women who are the victims and women who are murdered by an abusive partner.

Time the police also stopped openly discriminating against people on the basis of gender stereotypes

The police are 3 times more likely to arrest a female accused of DV than a male. Is that what you meant?

Of course you can see the OP's point, Tom.

Denying that DV is gendered is an excellent way of letting men (as a group) off the hook and yes, before you point it out, I do know that NAMALT.

Hotpink & Saskia - did I say in my op that I 'accidently' watched them?

To reiterate to the people who obviously can't read I switched on the TV which was incidentally on ITV, whilst I was studying and had just gotten back from nursery, and ta daa, it was on

Time the police also stopped openly discriminating against people on the basis of gender stereotypes

Totally agree. They can start with the 1400 girls of Rotherham who were told to fuck off and stop wasting time, including the ones who were found being raped and arrested while their abusers walked free.

I have minimal things in common with other men. Why do I need to be grouped by gender and then this presumption of that I am threat to women and children attached to me?

How can I change my status to female without undergoing surgery. I want the rights that women have!