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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To be really annoyed with the debate today on Loose Women?

293 replies

ScouseBird8364 · 17/09/2014 18:15

Firstly, let me say, I do NOT watch this shite usually, I flicked it on as background noise this afternoon but was caught by the debate they were having, namely Domestic Abuse.

The whole debate was centred around the basis of the woman being the victim and the man, the perpetrator. They had a guest speaker on, I think she was affiliated with the refuge system in some way, very anti-men, and brought up these statistics about 95% of perpetrators being male etc.

This makes me so angry. The only reason the statistic is so unbalanced is because men don't come forward as often as women probably do.

I am aware of womens refuge's, but are there any for men?

I think far too much emphasis is placed on the male in these cases and is much too overlooked Angry

Just my opinion, rant over.

OP posts:
FlossyMoo · 17/09/2014 22:15

Men but they have all been taken in and duped by the matriarchy. Feminazis are everywhere!

Eh?

TheOnlyOliviaMumsnet · 17/09/2014 22:15

@TomLondon

This is quite a hostile and unsupportive crowd. The "Mums" in mumsnet indicates your hostility to other parents and how you have chosen not to be inclusive.

Hi there

For the record, we simply thought Mumsnet was a less clumsy, more memorable name than Parentsnet ever could be. Realising that the name might provoke exactly the same reaction as you're having, we then very deliberately chose the strapline "By parents, for parents" in order to signal our wish not to exclude fathers - or indeed grandfathers or even fathers-to-be.

We do take gender equality seriously - and we would never refuse membership to anyone on gender grounds. Men are just as welcome on Mumsnet as women, as we do have many male "regulars", ranging from stay-at-home dads to fathers-to-be to male nannies.

But we shall shortly be suspending this thread as it's not really what Mumsnet is about.
Thanks
MNHQ

IonaMumsnet · 18/09/2014 10:52

Morning all!

We've reopened this thread now we've had a chance to take a proper look at it. It seems there has been some confusion about the suspension message. We certainly didn't suspend it because the OP didn't find it supportive!
Apologies if that wasn't clear.

We've banned TomLondon now, because he was reported many times, and if someone has signed up to MN purely to promote an MRA or anti-woman agenda, that counts as 'deliberately inflammatory posting' in our book.

We can see that lots of you think this is a useful thread and contains interesting debate so we will leave it for now. Do please continue to report anything you think we ought to see, however.

Thanks!

Sabrinnnnnnnna · 18/09/2014 11:27

Nope, he's a goner.

Just another deadbeat dad blaming women for his own failings.

charleybarley · 18/09/2014 11:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 18/09/2014 11:36

Yay ! See you in your next disguise Tom.

Where were we then ?

AnyFucker · 18/09/2014 11:36

And where is the op ?

HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen · 18/09/2014 11:43

AF the thread so far ...

I won the Bingo
Poor dead Tom got banished
The op disappeared when they ran out of wee humphy faces and cognitive reason.
The rest of us were misting sensible informed opinions about DV, with proper statistics.
No need to debate now, our work here is done.

HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen · 18/09/2014 11:43

Misting is meant to be posting.

gordyslovesheep · 18/09/2014 12:07

Thanks RIP Tom Thanks

AnyFucker · 18/09/2014 12:07

Thanks, hotpink Grin

FlossyMoo · 18/09/2014 14:18

Hello it's back!

Tom is dead ready to rise again Grin

Needasilverlining · 19/09/2014 07:26

The bit I can't work out: are low lifes like this deliberately stirring, or have they spent so long around other menz peddling this toxic bilge that they genuinely think it's a reasonable point of view?

Ron99 · 19/09/2014 08:13

DV is an equal opportunity crime. Men are also victim. Same sex relationships are very vulnerable.

AnyFucker · 19/09/2014 08:17

And up pops another one Smile

FlossyMoo · 19/09/2014 08:18

I don't know need If Tom was real I feel very sorry for his children.

Ron It has been acknowledged on this thread that men are also the victims of DV.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 19/09/2014 13:23

When I read stuff like this the type of stuff that pops into my head are things like fractured eye socket,ruptured spleen,strangulation, stab wounds or slashed throat,paralysis I see at least one of those each week and have done for over 20 years (well apart from strangulations I see at least 1 of those a day but usually 2) every single one of those was a female victim. Every single one.

And I do not only offer services to women. In all my years of working in this field I've seen less than 20 seriously injured men.

I come across over 4/5 times more murdered women than men and of the men I work with more than half are in same sex relationships.

BertieBotts · 19/09/2014 14:21

Aww, I didn't get to make my point. But I will anyway since I went to the trouble of looking up stats and everything.

If non payment of maintenance is some kind of civil disobedience, it doesn't seem to be working very well. In fact I'm aware of one change within my lifetime - when my father neglected to pay maintenance, the DSS (as I believe it was at the time) assumed that he was paying it, and hence my mother received the princely sum of ten pence per week. She asked for help and they changed her to a system where the amount of maintenance no longer came off her benefits, but if he chose to pay extra, then she didn't get the extra. It all went into Her Majesty's fund instead.

Latest data says that of the men who go through CSA, 60% pay in full. But this data is flawed, firstly it includes payments set up through "maintenance direct" which is not enforced at all, and comprises around 30% of child maintenance arrangements. So potentially up to half of those parents assumed to be paying in full may not be paying in full, or at all. (I expect that my ex would count as "direct maintenance" since this was the advice I received at the time although I have not had a payment from him since 2010.). The estimate is that 28% of direct maintenance arrangements are not paid in full or at all. Using this estimate takes the 60% figure down to 43.2%, under half of all NRPs.

To add another layer, this is only parents who have contacted the CSA at all who are included in the 100% of these figures. But we don't know what proportion of separated parents this is. There are other separated parents who either have a private arrangement, a non-monetary arrangement (such as the NRP providing clothes or education fees for example), resident parents who have never sought maintenance from their child's NRP for one reason or another, or RPs who didn't know about/didn't want to contact the CSA even though the NRP is not paying in full or at all.

So what we really have is a nonsense figure, the likelihood is that it is quite a lot lower.

The old CSA (Child Support Agency), now replaced with the CMS (Child Maintenance Support) closed because of "effectively breaking down in 2006 under the weight of a backlog of unpaid claims". Now claimants must pay to have their child support claim enforced, and NRPs who don't pay (under this system) must pay 20% more, with 16% going to the RP/children and 4% going to the CMS.

It seems like this "civil disobedience" is having an effect but not in the way that Tom and his chums say they are intending, and not a way that appeals to feminists or single parent organisations, either, as they recognise that the £20 application fee can be prohibitive for single parents, especially if they are not guaranteed a return on that. The actual effect is that it's become even easier for NRPs to avoid paying child maintenance, not harder.

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