To ask you for your funny parenting fail stories?

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It's Monday night, wet and rainy and cold with no hope for the sun coming back this week. The tension everywhere (not just in scotland) about the referendum and general life and woes and worries seem to be mounting up more than ever and I thought we could all use a laugh for a bit.

So anyone got any funny parenting fails? (if fails is the right word?)

A couple weeks ago my ds was refusing to get out the bath so i pulled the plug and went "quick now, don't want the plug monster coming up!" In a jokey way (to clarify - ds loves monsters with a passion! Wasn't trying to scare him!!) At the exact same moment the water made a massive gurgling sound. My son started to shake, his eyes went wide and he started screaming as he attempted to climb out the bath rather quickly and almost fell head first over the side.

I grabbed him and wrapped him in a towel, hugged him close as he attempted to leg it out the bathroom butt naked and told him I was only joking, there was no such thing as the plug monster and mummy was being silly and didn't mean to scare him.

He calmed down relatively quickly and asked me what the plug monster was doing now. Repeated that there was no such thing as the plug monster and not to worry. Of course, the next time I tried to bath him he became hysterical and in an effort to show him there was no monster I got "magic plug monster vanishing water" and let him pour it down the plug (water in a bubble bath bottle). All fine and dandy.

Except today I went to run his bath to find him sitting in it (empty) having just finished squeezing a whole bottle of shampoo down the drain. He looks at me innocently and goes "Don't worry mummy, I scared the monster away!" and I nearly pissed myself laughing and didn't bother giving him into trouble as it was my own stupid fault

I'm trying to use sleeping bags on ds (6 weeks). He is a chunky thing and he kept kicking off his blankets. Sometimes we cosleep so that would be canny for keeping him warm and would mean I didn't have to worry that blankets have fell off.

So first night I wake up, half asleep feel him, think he is too hot and push the blanket off him on to the floor.

Within that split second I realises it was a sleeping bag and I had just pushed the baby off the bed.

Luckily apart from an annoyed shout he was asleep again in minutes.

Last Saturday, I was up til late and DS11 was sitting reading with me on the sofa. Every one else had gone up to bed and so I sent him up too after a while. It was late, wet and windy outside and the house was quiet. DS went into the loo, stood by the passage window and looked out into the trees and darkness of the night before going to his bedroom.

I don't don't know what came over me. I stood in his room, in the dark sniggering behind the door. Then I jumped up out of the darkness with my hands out and screamed. It was meant to be funny DS screamed and cried and went a bit hysterical. I tried hugging him and comforting him and laughing it off but he was totally freaked out. DH woke up in the commotion and came to see what the fuss was. I felt terrible. Noone could understand why I'd played such a cruel joke. Had to get into bed with him til he fell asleep sobbing.

As I said, and keep saying, it was meant to be funny. Total fail.

my sons share a room and the youngest kept on waking up so i got into the bottom of the eldest's bed (he sleeps curled up at the top of the bed) i spent most of the night reassuring the 18 month old i was still there everytime he squealed in the middle of the night the 18 month old got into bed too so there is now three in the bed and my 5 year old still doesn't know we are there

now did anyone else watch the dr who episode the weekend when there was a monster in the bed? my son did so when he woke up reached out and grabbed my big toe he screamed like he had seen the devil himself the colour dropped out of his face and his heart was going as fast as a birds! i scared the life out of him (or rather my big toe did)

my parenting fail? letting him watch dr who then sneaking into his bed!

honestly i couldn't stop chuckling about his little white face shouting at me ITS NOT FUNNY I THOUGHT YOUS WAS THE MONSTER!!

I have three sons but it was with my eldest i always seemed to fail with! Once when he was 6/7 we went to the beach for the day with his bf and his mum. We were having lovely time until in jest i picked up a big piece of seaweed and threw it at him, hutting him right on the foregead and leaving an egg sized lump on his head :( it turns out that everyone except me knows that seaweed grows on rock and it woukd have been attached to one!

When he was a toddler he was playing with his battery operated thomas train he was naked except for a vest as he was about to have a bath. I hear a squeal and turn round to see the train hanging off his willy! So i thought i had the bright idea of turning the on switch back on to loosen it but it actually got it more trapped! Luckily dh freed him with a screwdriver or that could have been a new one for A&E! He also stuck his finger in the crack of a door and i couldnt work out which way to push the door open to release his finger and ended up pushing it the wrong way ( dumb mummy here)

Pmsl at these.

Baby doesn't let me put her down sometimes. I have to eat. I have dropped all manner of food on her, her blanket, her head.

2 year old wouldn't go to sleep, dp said down to 2-way baby monitor - go to sleep. Cue absolute hysterics, crying toddler for hours and then at bedtime for the next month about the monster in his room. Fail.

Ds 3 happily running around on the patio, me- stop running you will trip. Stops running and promptly trips, hospital visit and stitches required. Oh how I wish I had just let him carry on running around.

These have made my night much better

Last year my son couldn't talk properly (2) but he had suspected speech delay problems. Anyway him and my dd then 3 had been sitting at the table eating breakfast and my dd told me she wasn't hungry. Now this girl would eat twice her weight given a chance so i off handedly went "bollocks miniprettypictures." Ds looked up and laughed while my dd admonished me for saying a naughty word and I shrugged it off. He couldn't talk properly so it wouldn't be a problem and dd hated bad words. We went shopping later only for ds to shout in the middle of tesco "BOLLOCKS!!" as loud and clear as only a 2yo could. Got a lot of funny looks for that one!

I was playing hide and seek with my son aged six. In the split second I was given to hide, I had the bright idea of flattening myself against the kitchen radiator, as I would be hidden from view as he came through the kitchen and thus he wouldn't see me at all unless he looked across to the side. I was so pleased with my cunning at this point, that I had a large grin plastered across my face.

In retrospect I probably should have expected him to look to the side as he passed, see an oddly contorted creature that looked a bit like his mum but with a maniacal evil grin across its face and in fact react as he did.

He, I am ashamed to say, screamed for a full ten seconds as he lost control of his arms and legs while his brain tried a flight type escape directly up the opposite wall like a startled cat.

He doesn't like playing hide and seek any more...

I was shopping with dd when a nice gent informed me that something was leaking from my bag, unfortunately for me it was leaking from dd fast asleep all over the floor, in a busy shopping centre!

We were in the park with half ds1 class and parents in the summer holidays when he was about 7. We had decided to meet up once a week so it was quite busy.

One of the mums was talking about how she had found two of her dc rolling around fighting.

Oh says I, I must be lucky, mine have never done that.

Cue me turning round to see my ds1&2 rolling on the floor hitting each other

It was the only time they ever have!

TheDietStartsTomorrow - pure curiosity on my part, but did you really mean DS number ELEVEN? Of course, it's perfectly possible you have eleven or more children, but I thought I'd check it's not a typo.

I thought she meant her DS aged 11?

One day when DS was about 2, I came downstairs to find he was not sitting playing with his trains in the living room any more, he had gone in to the kitchen and was very quiet.
I went in to find he had covered himself head to toe in chocolate nesquick, it was every where - all over him and all over my kitchen, and he looked very pleased with himself!
I scooped him up and plonked him straight in the bath.
He sat there for a minute, then looked up at me all innocently and said "Look mummy, I turned the water all chocolatey!"

Yeah, I laughed.

This is so heading towards Classics

DD(2) liked to help with cooking, so we would sit her on the worktop and ask her to pass things. Herbs, stock cubes, that sort of thing. She also made a good taster " put more wine Daddy".

Then one day I turned my back, and in under 10 seconds she swallowed half a tube of garlic puree. She reeked for a week. Even worse, we forgot to tell her childminder and the poor woman shampooed her dog and downstairs carpet.

My lovely innocent DD came downstairs dressed in white pants and vest, doc marten boots and started singing wrecking ball.
Music TV is now banned until after bedtime.

DH kicked dd right off the bed, while we were tickling him. She landed the other side of the room...

Went for a number two and left baby in the Bumbo while toddler played around in the same room. All baby proofed so no problem.

Until I came back and toddler had found Sudocrem tub I'd left out and baby had it all over hands, all around mouth and was eating it!!! Not my finest moment....

There is also the humiliation of sitting in A & E and explaining that yes, this is the second broken collarbone this year, and no, we didn't think going down a slide headfirst was a bad idea.

Two years later: "Hello Disgracefulchild, would you like a season or a family ticket?" after she greensticked her arm on the monkey bars and I'd fallen off rock climbing.

We were having a barbecue with some friends and DP decided to put DS (under a year old at the time) on his little fold-out garden chair and put THAT on top of our own garden chairs (so DS was up high). Before I couls say, "Are you fucking stupid?!", DS unsurprisingly fell out the chair, and before he landed on the table, DP grabbed him.

I have never seen a bunch of adults jump so quick. I shouted at DP immediately. Three years later, our friends still rib DP about the time he almost killed our DS with a chair.

*could

These really are great I've had the whole sudo creme smeared everywhere with both dc, the funniest time had to be when my dd got a hold of the power screw driver thing though.

I'd been putting some shelves up and left the screw driver laying in the room while I went to stick the kettle on. Sat at the kitchen table smiling about how well the day had gone and how we'd managed to get through it without any fighting or accidents when suddenly my ds (again 2 at the time) started screaming. I ran through to the bedroom to find my dd (3 at the time) pasting sudo creme over a big bald patch on ds head and attempting to put the clump of missing hair back on - she'd for some random reason decided to "screw his hair on" only for it to twist around the spinning bit, which she then yanked, pulling out a clump of hair the size of 2yo ds' fist! And then went "I'm putting it back on mummy, I'm fixing it!"

Turns out she thought the sudo creme was like the pva glue we used in the crafty stuff we had done earlier, and it would magically fix his bald patch... He had that massive bald patch for ages!

I learned never to leave power tools laying around after that...

Daddaddad yes I did. That's a MN fail to add to my parenting fails. These acronyms are so complicated for my uncomplicated brain.

I 'run away from home' aged three. I can now imagine the sheer panic my mum must have felt... What a little horror I was! I was playing on my tricycle in the enclosed garden, she was inside doing whatever. I somehow managed to open the garden gate and take myself off around the corner on said tricycle, crossed a road as well . Luckily it was just a street road and a relatively quiet area, not a main road! Mum said the panic really set in when she got to the end of the drive and saw my sunglasses on the floor, her first thought was that someone had taken me.

Apparently I was looking for my Dad though which is kinda sad... He used to park at the top of the street around the corner or something (no idea why ) when he came to collect me so I was going up there to find him. My mum sent me straight to bed that night with no dinner (I think she gave in though and gave me something to eat in bed).

There's a few tales from my childhood like that. I was a terror at times. My DC are angelic and I don't have many . I mean, none that are really funny... Just the horrible couple of accidents that left my heart in my mouth.