To ask you for your funny parenting fail stories?

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It's Monday night, wet and rainy and cold with no hope for the sun coming back this week. The tension everywhere (not just in scotland) about the referendum and general life and woes and worries seem to be mounting up more than ever and I thought we could all use a laugh for a bit.

So anyone got any funny parenting fails? (if fails is the right word?)

A couple weeks ago my ds was refusing to get out the bath so i pulled the plug and went "quick now, don't want the plug monster coming up!" In a jokey way (to clarify - ds loves monsters with a passion! Wasn't trying to scare him!!) At the exact same moment the water made a massive gurgling sound. My son started to shake, his eyes went wide and he started screaming as he attempted to climb out the bath rather quickly and almost fell head first over the side.

I grabbed him and wrapped him in a towel, hugged him close as he attempted to leg it out the bathroom butt naked and told him I was only joking, there was no such thing as the plug monster and mummy was being silly and didn't mean to scare him.

He calmed down relatively quickly and asked me what the plug monster was doing now. Repeated that there was no such thing as the plug monster and not to worry. Of course, the next time I tried to bath him he became hysterical and in an effort to show him there was no monster I got "magic plug monster vanishing water" and let him pour it down the plug (water in a bubble bath bottle). All fine and dandy.

Except today I went to run his bath to find him sitting in it (empty) having just finished squeezing a whole bottle of shampoo down the drain. He looks at me innocently and goes "Don't worry mummy, I scared the monster away!" and I nearly pissed myself laughing and didn't bother giving him into trouble as it was my own stupid fault

when my ds was little and in her pram dm had shopping bags hung on the handles, as you do, turned a corner and the pram went off balance and a bag of spuds met with ds eye!
my nephew also hit his dad with a real hammer thinking it was his toy one - luckily not much damage was done!!

A couple of weeks ago I joked to my som that a policeman would take him away if he was naughty. We all laughed. Now, every time he cries he says 'police car take me away' and I have to explain that he won't be taken away. It is awful and breaks my heart. Sorry, couldn't think of a funnier one!

Oh shit sorry just read the thread title! Sorry.

Like most parents, we do hang shopping off the handles of DD's pushchair. It does mean that after a big shop we need to remember to take the shopping off before we take DD out, otherwise the whole thing tips up and we smash the eggs. We've got quite good at this after cleaning the hall carpet.

But today we had shopping on the pushchair already when we went into the final shop. We hung the basket on the handles as usual, and perused the clearance section. Loads of fruit today, quite heavy - whole pushchair tipped over backwards, DD upside down and covered in the sweets we'd bribed her with...

She giggled like a loon. We have an adrenaline junkie child!

When ds was about a year old, I was keeping him entertained by throwing things into the trolley that he was sat in. That is until I threw a packet of grated cheese, and it hit him square in the mouth instead...

Welshpixie, I feel your pain... I did something similar ds1 in a bouncy chair on top of the tumble dryer . Dr Miriam Stoppard said it was a good way to get babies to sleep in her book but I didn't read the bit about taping down the chair......

Another time a bought a DVD thinking the cover looked a bit like Thunderbirds...what could be more innocent than puppets?...That is until the puppets start getting jiggly with it and the kids join in with singing "Team America, f*ck yeah"

I can think of a few:
DD2 was born without a hand. One time she was wearing her prosthesis aged about 6/7 months and complaining because she was hungry. So I was pushing her quickly in her buggy to get to where I could feed her asap.
A lovely old lady stops me and says "I think your baby has broken her arm". I'm in a hurry, so I just said "no she's fine" and continued.
When I went to get her out, her prosthesis was twisted looking like her elbow was bent the wrong way.

I was playing tennis with ds (7yo), and he wanted me to hit the ball as hard as I could (I play fairly hard game) to see if he got it back. So I hit one, but a couple of yards away soas not to hit him. So he got cross and shouted to hit it closer to him so he had a chance of hitting it. Of course I managed to hit him with the ball.

Also Ds, got a dinosaurs dsi game last year, and was playing on it, when I was shocked to hear him shout. "That's good, Bloody Good!"
I went over to tell him not to use such words, wondering where he'd picked it up from, and he explained that his dinosaur had been called "Bloody"-his name because it was a meat eater, so to his mind he had only said equivalent to "That's good, mummy, good".

Getting changed after ballet in the little room with toilets next to it, dd was totally naked except for her pants when she asked if she could go to the toilet. The toilets attached were children's ones, so I told her to go, and was getting her clothes out when I heard the door go... she'd decided to use the big toilets, which unfortunately were the other side of a rather over full cafe.

Decided one fine day that our DSs, about 6 or 7, could be motivated to help us with tidying up etc by a system of gold, silver stars etc as rewards for helping mum & dad. After all, it seems to work at school. You could have cut the atmosphere in the room with a knife as we brightly explained our idea. Then the questions began.
"So how much is a gold star worth?"
"Worth, darling? It's not worth anything, it's a reward for being really, really good."
"Well that's no good. It should be worth something ."
"Well, ok then, shall we say 10p?"
"10p? No way. It's not worth it."
"How about 20p then?"
"50 and we'll think about it."
It was just like a management/union negotiation, and they had the upper hand. The gold star scheme was quietly dropped.

Ds only 4.5 months so not much yet but I'm sure give it a few more months and I will be adding to this. Really made me laugh. Looking forward to reading more I hope

I'm in tears at some of these

The one that springs to mind is when I took Ds (3 at the time) to the park with my Dm , Dn & sister .
my Dm & Dsis decided to have a race on the swings as you do & I was pushing Dn on a swing while I thought Ds was on the slide , Turns out he wasn't as he ran in front of my Dm & ended up going flying to the other end of the park

No damage at all thank god not even a mark