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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This wasn't done on purpose, why can't I be forgiven

316 replies

PleaseLetMeKeepTheSportsCar · 12/09/2014 14:06

Last week I went to visit my friend who was babysitting for her sisters young children - 8 and 10.

We were playing with the children and generally getting hyperactive, chasing them round the house etc and eventually we settled them down a bit.

I was walking around the room and asking the children about the photos on the wall and their dvd collections etc when I picked up one of these from the sideboard and reminisced about how I had one as a child. Without thinking I shook it upside down to a shriek.

My friends mother had a baby, she grew into a 2 year old and sadly passed away. Her face was etched into the pin art, the pin art that I had just removed.

Now none of them are talking to me and I feel devastated.
What I did was terrible but at the same time I didn't realise. Yes I should have checked, it was on a sideboard after all. I don't even know how/if I can make it up to her.

She treasured this for a year :(

OP posts:
Gruntfuttock · 12/09/2014 20:39

I'm sorry OP, one the one hand, you weren't to know and so can't be blamed and on the other hand you have destroyed something so irreplaceable and incredibly precious that you can never be forgiven.

Sometimes, emotions are so strong that logic plays no part and you are going to have to accept that. I'm sorry, but their pain 'trumps' yours and that's just how it is. Sad

Waltermittythesequel · 12/09/2014 20:51

If it's anyone's fault I'd say it was your friend's

It's not the friend's fault!!!

I wouldn't expect someone to walk round my sister's house picking stuff up and shaking it!

EddieStobbart · 12/09/2014 21:04

If there was something delicate that could be mistaken for a toy in a sideboard I would warn someone and if I didn't I would be kicking myself afterwards that I hadn't.

The OP made a easy mistake to make and it was an easy mistake to make not to warn her.

Tinytillytot · 12/09/2014 21:08

There are alot of angry beavers in mn tonight. Waltermitty in particular is coming across as a very unpleasant and bitterly angry person. That level of anger towards a situation she's not even remotely involved with in anyway is just unhealthy. Daily mail reader?

Op it was an accident, something that valuable and sentimental should have been put somewhere more secure, thats a fact. They are hurt and thats awful but I really don't think you should be blamed and abused in this way. Accidents happen. I'm sure once they are overthe shock they will feel calmer and less aangry towards you. In the meantime try not to beat yourself up. Hugs x

EddieStobbart · 12/09/2014 21:08

Anyway my point is I don't think it is actually anyone's fault. Something that is a toy in a mantelpiece in a house with kids, it's not unreasonable to assume it is actually a toy. It was a really sad mistake.

LapsedTwentysomething · 12/09/2014 21:10

Christ alive. Why is the OP getting such a kicking? If it had been an etch-a-sketch sitting in the sideboard, with the last piece of 'artwork' done by a two year old, this mistake could so easily and obviously have happened. What's the difference? It's a toy, not an artefact.

If course OP is defensive. She posted to express her distress at the mistake she made and the distress it's caused. The way she worded it didn't strike me as selfish for a moment.

Some of you are picking for a fight and devoid of empathy.

Eauneau · 12/09/2014 21:14

Oh god we used to have one of these - you really do not have to 'shake' it to get rid of he image, literally the smallest movement would ruin it. I am astonished they had something so precious and literally so fragile out like that. If you were messing around wit the kids etc I could totally imagine an 'OMG we used to have one of these' pick it up moment!

Having said all of that, I don't think you should reall be thinking about yourself and YOUR forgiveness right now, especialky after one week. You just have to let them br - if they never want to speak to you again, well so be it.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 12/09/2014 21:15

Yes it's a horrIble accident, yes it's just an accident, no it wasn't your fault...

... But you have to separate your own feelings from the results of your actions! You cannot expect a grieving family who will be utterly devastated by the loss of such an important symbol of their child's life, to 'get over it' and put your feelings ahead of their own.

It's not about you.

Accept that and move on. Don't ask them for the impossible. Have a little heart for goodness sake.

Waltermittythesequel · 12/09/2014 21:16

That level of anger towards a situation she's not even remotely involved with in anyway is just unhealthy. Daily mail reader?

Eh?! Confused

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 12/09/2014 21:18

Yes, but all the OP is concerned about is being forgiven. Her feelings. THAT is what is pissing me off. She only wants to make it better so that they forgive her. She is still blaming them for it being there. For something important to them being on their sideboard, in their home, possibly where their daughter left it. The OP went to visit the owners sister who was babysitting (most likely uninvited), knowing they had a daughter who had died and didn't even stop to consider why there might be a pinart thing of a toddlers face on the side board???

Some of the suggestions here are mind boggling too. 'Buy them a new ornament' FFS, this was made by their 2 year old who has since died, how the fuck do you think they're going to feel if the OP turns up with an ornament to replace it...???

It doesn't matter what it was, the OP has ruined something beyond repair that their daughter did before she died - they don't have to forgive her. She's not family, she's not a child, she wasn't invited by them into their home and while she was there she has done something that has caused them a lot of pain. Yes, in time one of them might have broken it, or not. It has been there for a year until some random went in there fiddling with stuff that was on their side board.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 12/09/2014 21:20

walter just ignore said twatty poster. Not worth the energy.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 12/09/2014 21:21

All of you saying 'it shouldn't have been there as they are easily changed/spoilt' - stop for one minute and think.... perhaps that's is WHY it is there, so it didn't get spoilt by moving it!

Tinytillytot · 12/09/2014 21:21

"Eh?"

What would you like me to clarify? You seem extremely angry anf outraged. To a bizarre extent. Very bizarre

Waltermittythesequel · 12/09/2014 21:22

I will, latte.

I kind of feel for her.

Trying to use the MN daily fail quip but in completely the wrong context. Strange!

Waltermittythesequel · 12/09/2014 21:23

Tiny it's "and", dear.

You're welcome.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 12/09/2014 21:23

Yes walter strange indeed.

Tinytillytot · 12/09/2014 21:24

Latteloverlovesswearing very eloquent. How am I "twatty" seems you guys LOVE to tell people off and tear people to shreds but as soon as another mnetter calls YOU out on YOUR behavior then its a simple "ignore the twat". Very childish

Tinytillytot · 12/09/2014 21:26

Oh dear. A spelling nazi to boot. Sorry walter, small keys on my phone.

Waltermittythesequel · 12/09/2014 21:27

Apology accepted :)

EddieStobbart · 12/09/2014 21:27

Why would the OP have been in someone's house uninvited?

SkimWordsSuck · 12/09/2014 21:34

YANBU. You apologised.

It was an accident. It is odd the parents didn't protect it but had it out on a sideboard in a room in which their older kids have other toys and, I presume, play.

Did they have photos of the little girl about the room or was the pin art the only item?
Are they actually not talking to you?

Tinytillytot · 12/09/2014 21:34

Angry beavers stick together. Heart warming :)

EddieStobbart · 12/09/2014 21:35

So, the OP bursts into friend's sister's house uninvited, fiddles with everything on display because she's a nosy cow, trashes and object of dead sentimental value that can 'to be replaced then whinges because she thinks it's all about her.

If you interpret the thread like the above then OP UABU, however I think you went with your friend to keep her company babysitting, you made a terrible heartstopping mistake when trying to bond with the kids and everyone is just so upset by the loss they can't engage with you right now. Sad mistake, shitty situation, all you can do us give them space.

Guitargirl · 12/09/2014 21:37

Your friend is probably feeling mortified that a friend of her's who she had asked to help her out has destroyed what was obviously irreplaceable for her sister and her family.

I do feel for you OP but it is not up to you or anyone else to question where this family was keeping this object. It is their home and you were being overly familiar and nosy.

I would just leave them alone now. They may take a while to 'come round'. Or they may not. Probably best to just leave them in peace.

Mrsfrumble · 12/09/2014 21:38

Why are some of you so convinced that the OP turned up uninvited? She's already mentioned that her friend is heavily pregnant and appreciated her help babysitting active children. It's far more likely OP was invited by her friend.