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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School closure for a funeral?

291 replies

saywhaaaaat · 10/09/2014 21:14

Name changed - there is likely to be someone who knows me or the place I am refering to!

So, DC is back at school. A letter arrives on Monday from the head teacher informing of the sad passing of a teacher who had worked at the school for some time (20+ years). The letter also informs us that the school will be clsoed on the day of the funeral to allow all staff to attend. I thought this was a bit odd (as a public sector worker I have never encountered this type of response to a funeral) and hoped the funeral would take place on a Saturday.

Today another letter arrives. The entire school (400 odd children) is to be closed for an entire day next week.

In my experience it is usually more than acceptable for one or two people to represent the work place at funeral. I can't imagine many places where it would be acceptable to close an entire service for an entire day for a funeral.

This is bugging me but happy to accept that I am a mean so and so that has no heart etc....

So hit me. AIBU?

OP posts:
rainbowinmyroom · 11/09/2014 16:28

YABU.

God forbid death inconvenience people.

JustAShopGirl · 11/09/2014 16:32

does seem double standards though - a teacher cannot get time off for a friend's funeral (has happened here too) - UNLESS that friend works in the same school and they decide to shut.

Kendodd · 11/09/2014 16:39

kendodd no, because I work from the assumption that most people have a good basic level of compassion and understanding

Well if I was the grieving family I would be greatly concerned and really would not want the school to do this, I really wouldn't think it was right to cause so much disruption. Obviously others think it's fine to do so. I believe I have a good level of compassion and understanding and that also extends to include compassion and understanding for all the people who's lives would be disrupted by this.

My Dad's funeral was on Christmas eve, lots of close family and friends in other parts of the country couldn't come because of this and personally I would much rather they stayed away than disrupted Christmas for their own family. I know the fact they weren't there was no refection of their feeling for him.

Seems it's just me and my family who think like this though, maybe others think no matter what, people should be there. If schools or businesses have to close or Christmas disrupted for small children, so be it.

This thread is really interesting and I think has shown a real change in attitude of the public over the years. I think grieve used to be something done quietly and privately, stiff upper lip and all that. Now big public displays seem to be the order of the day, closing a school for example.

Also nobody has answered my question earlier, would school closure still be the right thing if it were in the middle of exams?

SkimWordsSuck · 11/09/2014 16:39

I know funerals are for the living rather than for the dead but I really wouldn't want to inconvenience anyone apart from close family and friends if I died. Confused

Kendodd · 11/09/2014 16:42

I know funerals are for the living rather than for the dead but I really wouldn't want to inconvenience anyone apart from close family and friends if I died.

I was beginning to think I was the only one who felt like that, I'm glad I'm not alone Smile

JustAShopGirl · 11/09/2014 16:50

Nope I feel the same way too..

RiverTam · 11/09/2014 16:53

no, I think like that too, Ken. I agree that grieving now seems to be something that must be done publicly. I also agree that I would hate to think that many parents would suddenly have to magic up some leave and that if they struggled to do so they would be written off as heartless and unfeeling. No wonder no-one ever objects, I should think they would be villified at the school gate.

I would have thought a far better thing would be to hold some kind of memorial at school. Very close friends and colleagues go to the funeral (with everyone being adult enough to know who that is), everyone else at school to keep things going and to hold a memorial service for those staff, pupils and parents who like to attend.

Kendodd · 11/09/2014 17:12

I agree that grieving now seems to be something that must be done publicly.

Yes, and if you don't conform with this style you are heartless with no compassion.

Hulababy · 11/09/2014 17:29

Re a school based memorial...well yes, DD's school had that too - for the whole school, staff and pupils. But that was separate and very different to the teacher's actual funeral. Just because one happens it doesn't mean that the teachers should then not be able to go to the actual funeral, which is a very different event.

Hulababy · 11/09/2014 17:33

Pictures

DD's school which shut was a private primary: about 100 pupils, 7 classes so 6 class teachers affected plus HT and support staff (TAs, office, catering, etc) Most of preschool bar a couple of the staff stayed open as they were more separate to the school and the staff were not really affected. Small school, very close school community.

Hulababy · 11/09/2014 17:37

HighNoon - no the school won't need to make the time up generally as ti will be arranged with the LEA (if state) or Governors if not as exceptional reason to close.

This thread has been a real eye opener. I never realised so many people would have an issue with this. It never once crossed my mind to be upset school had closed. I am really stunned at how so many people would not be happy and would not want the teacher's friends to be able to say a final farewell.

And yes, of course, we had childcare issues - me and dh bth work. But we managed. And we spent time to remember her teacher.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 11/09/2014 17:38

They're not 'doing it publicly' they are going to a funeral. Not renting their garments in front of the children and weeping, just going to a funeral of someone they'd known a long time.

I assume this is a primary school, but yes, I imagine that sadly, if it were a secondary and exam time, not all the staff could go and pay respects because the school wouldn't be able to close. As things stand, they've obviously felt that it won't be a disaster, and that they don't want to put any staff in the position of arguing for their 'place' at the funeral or falling on their sword to stay behind.

It's death, sometimes it happens at awkward times. I think apart from anything else, this move suggests that this is a nice, close knit school where staff have a strong relationship with one another. Which is a good thing for children there.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 11/09/2014 18:02

When a Dr (very highly respected man, who treated nurses with respect, and was amazing with all his patients) died at our hospital many nurses wished to attend his funeral. They didn't close wards (impossible as he covered about 4 wards) but instead asked the nurses to volunteer to cover the shift - so mostly nurses who hadn't worked closely with him, were new to the team or don't like funerals volunteered to work. They also had the option of moving staff to cover or getting agency, but I don't think they needed to in the end.
Had it been a nurse who passed away it would depend very much on the individual ward as to whether they would do the same or close the unit. I could see that it is entirely possible that they could shut a day surgery unit if there were very few operations booked for that day and other beds available on a general surgery ward to take those patients. However I doubt they would do that - more likely to try to cover the shift in house, or by agency.
I think the school are right to close. It shows that they care for and respect their staff.

comfycushion · 11/09/2014 18:14

I have read the whole thread and decided that i think the school should not shut for the whole day.

But if the whole teaching and support staff were best friends with this person could the funeral not be arranged for four o clock and maybe the school could leave a little earlier.

If this was my sons school I would be making a complaint.

Many of us work and I am allowed time off for funerals for close family members only, if a friend died I would have to get cover. If I could not get cover I could not go. This is what happens in the real world.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 11/09/2014 18:15

Do you think the teaching and support staff get to say when the funeral will be, comfy? Or do you think the family might be more likely to get that call?

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 11/09/2014 18:16

You work somewhere this couldn't happen. They happen to work somewhere where, this time, at this point in the academic year, it can. They get to go to a funeral and you don't. The most peculiar case of sour grapes I've ever heard.

Hulababy · 11/09/2014 18:25

Since when did anyone bar the very immediate family get to choose the time and date of a funeral???

comfycushion · 11/09/2014 18:26

If the family knew the whole school wanted to go they could arrange the funeral for a 4pm funeral.....

Not sour grapes just fed up with teachers and their moans and their perks.

comfycushion · 11/09/2014 18:29

What I mean is that if I was the person who was arranging this funeral and I knew the whole school was her best friend [ tongue in cheek] I would arrange the funeral for an appropriate time ie 4-5pm.......

clam · 11/09/2014 18:30

Re: getting the grieving family to organise the funeral on a Saturday, it's well-nigh impossible to do so. Not saying it never happens, but it's certainly not routine. When we organised MIL's, we had a huge problem even trying to arrange it for a Friday lunchtime, to make it easier for close relatives travelling from a distance. As it was a burial, the last time-slot at the cemetery was before 2pm, I seem to remember, so the service had to be a set time before then.

But that aside, I'm simply staggered at the lack of empathy from the few people on here who agree with the OP. "Yeah, I'm a compassionate person but why the f* are the family inconveniencing me by forcing me to take a day off work to look after my child."

Someone has died, ffs. Show some basic respect!

Picturesinthefirelight · 11/09/2014 18:33

You can't usually choose funeral times. You are given a time by the crem.

You can turn it down but the next available slot might be days later.

A family member struggled to get a funeral time to enable her child to be collected from school.

comfycushion · 11/09/2014 18:34

Someone has died, fair comment, people die every day but they dont inconvenience me.

Just think if everyone did this...... doctor sugery closed due to funeral... dentist closed due to funeral..... tesco closed due to funeral... etc etc ...

You get the picture...

wfrances · 11/09/2014 18:38

yabu
this happened to us yesterday
comprehensive closed half day to allow staff and pupils to attend.
i was in total agreement ,it was right to close.

RiverTam · 11/09/2014 18:44

again, another person implying that if you don't agree with the majority you're lacking in compassion.

I'd be interested to know how you managed, Huly - given that I don't actually have any annual leave left, and I don't think DH has either, most of my friends work, no family near by - well, I guess it would have to be a days unpaid leave then. Which will be the case if DD is ill, of course, but that is our responsibility as her parents, and that would be another day's unpaid leave. It is not unempathetic or uncompassionate to not be best pleased at being forced to do that, when, with a bit of thinking of all affected, a solution could be found.

Woozlebear · 11/09/2014 18:51

So you don't have any practical issue with the closure, in fact you don't have any particular issue with it at all.

You're just confused as to what is deemed acceptable.

You say you are not cold and unfeeling.

If you have to ask to find out that shutting a school so that all who want to can mourn and pay their respects to a long standing friend and colleague is a nice, valuable thing to do, that would suggest otherwise.

Hth.