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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School closure for a funeral?

291 replies

saywhaaaaat · 10/09/2014 21:14

Name changed - there is likely to be someone who knows me or the place I am refering to!

So, DC is back at school. A letter arrives on Monday from the head teacher informing of the sad passing of a teacher who had worked at the school for some time (20+ years). The letter also informs us that the school will be clsoed on the day of the funeral to allow all staff to attend. I thought this was a bit odd (as a public sector worker I have never encountered this type of response to a funeral) and hoped the funeral would take place on a Saturday.

Today another letter arrives. The entire school (400 odd children) is to be closed for an entire day next week.

In my experience it is usually more than acceptable for one or two people to represent the work place at funeral. I can't imagine many places where it would be acceptable to close an entire service for an entire day for a funeral.

This is bugging me but happy to accept that I am a mean so and so that has no heart etc....

So hit me. AIBU?

OP posts:
Hulababy · 11/09/2014 19:57

DD hasn't needed time off for a funeral - but her school did allow it for those who did.

Obviously if a school is not authorising a day off for a funeral than they are in a tricky position when it comes to closing a school for a staff member's funeral. I agree it would not seem right.

As a parent I would challenge it though understand that at a time of grief that would be hard. Though tbh I would just go anyway and ignore the unauthorised absence.

trinity0097 · 11/09/2014 20:03

A former colleague of mine died last year, after about 30 years service to the school and community. The celebration of life service was in the afternoon and the school closed at lunch so all the staff could attend along with his out of school friends and family. Lots of the children who had moved on to the upper school also attended. Only about half the congregation in the church managed to get a seat to give you an idea of turnout. The thought of not being able to say goodbye to a friend would have been unthinkable. I was lucky as although I had left before he passed away my head let me go even in the middle of a school inspection.

RiverTam · 11/09/2014 20:12

I'm still unsure, nothing that has been said has changed my view.

We can't always do everything we want in life, especially if it means inconveniencing other people (400 other people!). If I wasn't able to attend a funeral, I would still be capable of remembering that person - maybe I would go to the church where the funeral has been held, or perhaps pay a visit to the family at an appropriate time, or go somewhere that meant something to me about that person.

I would actually be horrified if a funeral of a member of my family (or me!) resulted in 400 families suddenly being inconvenienced in this way. I would absolutely not think that they were uncaring or unsympathetic, in fact I think it's rather selfish and almost bullying in a way to suggest that.

LEMmingaround · 11/09/2014 20:18

So what is your problem with this? Please tell me its not about "childcare" schools are there to educate our children not provide childcare.

We had a very similar situation at our school. Only one person i know complained but then she has always been a cunt

kali110 · 11/09/2014 20:20

yes yabu. Being careful not to out myself. My dad worked in the public sector. He died a few years ago. They closed the building as all the staff wanted to go to his funeral to day goodbye. My family and i so touched when we heard. It still makes me smile now.

PepsiTwirl · 11/09/2014 20:20

represting a work force!?!?!?

This isn't a office with thousands of people in that sit and never talk to each other

These are people that sit together at break times, spend lots of time together, probably go out of an evening weekend...

Wow!

LEMmingaround · 11/09/2014 20:21

The school will however have to forgo one of their inset days as this is what happened at our school.

kali110 · 11/09/2014 20:25

Yes there really are some inconsiderate people on here.

junkfoodaddict · 11/09/2014 20:27

I am shocked, utterly shocked that the OP has actually posted this! I really didn't think people were as cold and mean to actually SUGGEST or EXPECT that a funeral takes place on a Saturday!!!! if you've ever had to arrange a funeral (as I did back in April over Easter), it is notoriously difficult to 'pick your day' for a funeral and even so, it seems OP 'expects' this so as not to inconvience her/himself! And then to be 'confused' that a school needs to close to accommodate the staff who want to attend. And on a final point, I don't really believe for one moment that you are 'confused' about a school closing. Your expectations are that your child's school remains open with a staff who are grieving for their friend/colleague. Not very productive anyways with members of staff who have other things on their mind!!

LavaDragonflies · 11/09/2014 20:29

The school don't choose when the funeral is and so you can't complain that it is not on a Saturday FFS.
A school is a community and one of their members has just died. YABVVU.

junkfoodaddict · 11/09/2014 20:31

I also laugh at anyone suggesting ( wherehas1999disappearedtoo ) that a school buys in cover for staff who want to attend 9besides it being impossible on some days to find cover just for ONE class never mind several!). Obviously, they have no idea how school operates and can see the major failings and pitfalls of a school being covered by staff who are not familiar with routines and protocols.

tassisssss · 11/09/2014 20:37

OP, I am wondering if you are from Aberdeen??

I teach in a school and can imagine the grief that must be felt by all. I applaud the fact that the SMT have made the decision to close the school and let colleagues attend the funeral.

However, I understand that you are just asking a question about whether this would be the norm. And no, I have to say I'm a little surprised by it as a decision. Good one though IMO.

clam · 11/09/2014 20:45

rivertam "almost bullying?"
Seriously?
I've heard it all now!

kali110 · 11/09/2014 20:51

Tho to the op
Welldone for coming back. For what it's worth i don't think you're a bitch ??

Stealthpolarbear · 11/09/2014 21:08

Shopgirl on the other thread it was deemed fine for the school to close so colleagues who didn't even know the woman could attend her funeral.
I simply do not understand that. If I'm grieving, it is genuine. I don't grieve for people I don't know. And as for not being fit to work on the day of the funeral - if someone close to me had died I'd be upset the day before and the day after the funeral too.
Tbh in this situation I'd be fine with the school closing. But I can see that other people are not and do not agree its a fundamental failing on their part.

Stealthpolarbear · 11/09/2014 21:09

Aren't single parents expected to get jobs when their child turns 5? In which case schools are not childcare is a little misleading.

FinnsMum19 · 11/09/2014 21:12

YABU

icymaiden · 11/09/2014 21:22

If the school is closed of course it means the teachers get a days pay whether they go to the funeral (which is only for and hour or so) or not.

ReallyTired · 11/09/2014 21:37

Schools are communities where everyone knows each other for years. It is being daft comparing it to a hospital where patients come and go.

I worked at a school where a teaching assistant collapsed and died of a heart attack in the middle of a lesson (infront of the kids!). Both the children and staff were deeply shocked and needed support.

I am surprised that the school is having the entire day off. The school I worked at had the afternoon off.

helensburgh · 11/09/2014 21:42

Eeek I'm going against the trainers.

YANBU . This is not normal,and sets a precedent. Normal would,be representatives would go, I hope they are taking unpaid leave.

Sorry if that sounds harsh to,anyone .

Original poster
saywhaaaaat · 11/09/2014 21:43

Hi there. I've had a read through all of the replies and just wanted to come back after having 24 hours to think about things.

Firstly, my dreadfully written op did not convey what I meant by 'confusion'. I should have just asked if it was common practice for schools to shut for funerals of teachers. The reason being that I have not encountered this before either as a child or as a parent. In my dreadfully ham fisted way I came across as an unfeeling moose lacking in any compassion. After an already long week besieged with personal and work issues I was rather blind sighted by my own comparatively insignificant problems. However, that is not representative of me as a person. I am kind and considerate. But I am also human and have errors of judgement. I hope those of you who have responded with a highest level of vitriol show the same awareness should you ever do the same.

The second point I wanted to make was that this thread has made me really think about how I deal with grief and loss. To put into context, my beloved grandfather passed away a day before my a level exams started. I did not inform my school. I sat my exams. I went to his funeral. I sat more exams. I passed. I did that because that was how I wanted to pay my respect to him. By carrying on as normally as possible it also helped me to deal with the utterly devastating loss I was feeling and still feel. There is not a day goes by when I don't think about him and miss him.

My way of dealing with my grief is not wrong. But equally it is not right.

It just "is".

What I should have done yesterday is reflect on how others may need to grieve in a different way to me.

OP posts:
niddy · 11/09/2014 21:49

Actually, as a public sector worker who worked in a very close nursing team, we were gutted to learn of a tragic, sudden death within our team.
We were forced to continue as normal. Only a few people able to attend. It was very upsetting and damaging to some.
Nurses are human beings too. Still feel sad about it now for my colleagues, even though I was able to attend.

clam · 11/09/2014 22:02

Re: it being unnecessary for a school to close for the whole day, that rather depends what time the funeral is. If it was at 2 or 3 in the afternoon, then an afternoon or early closure might suffice. But if the family end up with little choice and it is at, say midday, then it would be much harder. To close just for a couple of hours in the middle of the day would be much more disruptive to parents.

Hulababy · 11/09/2014 22:06

Saywhaaaat- pleased to see your last few posts which explain further. Glad you came back and good on you for accepting you may have been wrong.

We've all made errors of judgement. Always hard to come back and say so though.

mignonette · 11/09/2014 22:13

I am Sorry to read you got such mauling from some posters.

I assume the school and LA (and those attended by all the outraged-by-you-MNers) have a similarly enlightened policy on pupils taking a day off to attend a funeral, even when that person is NOT a close relative.

As for the poster who believes that nurses don't work as closely or as long with their colleagues...words fail me as somebody mourning for a former colleague I have worked with for over fifteen years. Some of the team members worked with him for over forty- every single day and this is not unusual in areas where staff turnover is low or specialised jobs are few and far between.

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