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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School closure for a funeral?

291 replies

saywhaaaaat · 10/09/2014 21:14

Name changed - there is likely to be someone who knows me or the place I am refering to!

So, DC is back at school. A letter arrives on Monday from the head teacher informing of the sad passing of a teacher who had worked at the school for some time (20+ years). The letter also informs us that the school will be clsoed on the day of the funeral to allow all staff to attend. I thought this was a bit odd (as a public sector worker I have never encountered this type of response to a funeral) and hoped the funeral would take place on a Saturday.

Today another letter arrives. The entire school (400 odd children) is to be closed for an entire day next week.

In my experience it is usually more than acceptable for one or two people to represent the work place at funeral. I can't imagine many places where it would be acceptable to close an entire service for an entire day for a funeral.

This is bugging me but happy to accept that I am a mean so and so that has no heart etc....

So hit me. AIBU?

OP posts:
Topseyt · 10/09/2014 22:31

When I was at secondary school (too many years ago now) it happened twice that a teacher died in service.

One was the serving deputy head who had given many years of service,and who died whilst I was in my first year there. Most of the staff were his friends, not just colleagues. His funeral was midweek in term-time, in the afternoon. School closed for the afternoon so that all who wished could pay their last respects. There was no way it could have remained open, and nor should it have.

The second was a few years later, when one of the PE teachers went missing and was found a week or so later, having gone to some local woods and committed suicide. Again, school closed for the afternoon of his funeral. As far as I know, no-one begrudged it. He was a popular teacher, who also ran the local Youth Centre, and who was soon to be taken on as its paid leader on a full time basis.

Well done for climbing down from the tone of your original post and admitting it was not right.

Picturesinthefirelight · 10/09/2014 22:33

Ds's school is private too

Both dh & I work. Dh is a teacher so can't take time off in term time. I work two jobs one of which is education based so no time off in term time.

I still think the school is right to close.

ravenAK · 10/09/2014 22:33

To be fair, a long term teaching colleague (& good mate) of mine recently died, in unexpected, tragic circumstances.

we stayed open. Those staff who particularly wanted to attend put an application for cover for the day into the HT (there was a numbers limit, but as far as I'm aware no-one was turned down). The rest of us went to the wake, after school.

It was a difficult day (although nothing compared to the morning when we got the news - entire staff in various levels of shock, lots of tears, students a-buzz to find out why all their teachers were obviously extremely distressed -we couldn't tell them until the end of the day Sad.)

However, the staff were broadly supportive of the decision to remain open. Some of us were quite happy to keep busy, tbh, & stay in work so others could attend the funeral.

I don't think there's an automatic right/wrong answer for a HT. Has to be a judgment call.

clam · 10/09/2014 22:39

"The school should send representatives"

What? Seriously? As has been pointed out many, many times on this thread already, it's not about 'representing' the workforce if you know them - it's about mourning a colleague or friend. That's what funerals are for. The County Council, or other official body, might send a 'representative,' in a formal capacity, but the staff of that school were her friends and colleagues, with whom she had personal and probably quite close relationships. Why should they be "represented?" They want to mourn and pay their respects in person.

I was horrified on the last thread about a similar situation. I am very saddened that people can be so thoughtless and callous about such a thing.

mummytime · 10/09/2014 22:43

At DCs school - when similar has happened. The funeral/memorial service has been in the afternoon; and school has finished early (with no after school clubs). This is the Secondary school, the Primary if it had happened would have been closed (a very close community there).

icymaiden · 10/09/2014 22:56

YANBU. I have never encountered such a thing whjen teachers of pupils die (which in a large school happens every couple of years) There is usually a special assembly. I would imagine the LEA take a very dim view of this

plus3 · 10/09/2014 22:58

Sometimes you need to say it out loud to realise... It's just that I believe that funerals are important - I am not religious, but to celebrate, mourn, remember and say goodbye...so so vital. It shows that people, individuals matter, and their life touched others.
Please don't feel bad OP sometimes we all need a different perspective.

ravenAK · 10/09/2014 23:08

Teachers of pupils in a given school don't die every couple of years - most of us are aged between 25-60 say, & given that only about 5% of the UK population fails to make it to 60, it's a fairly rare event.

I've known two deaths of teaching colleagues 'in service' in 15 years, & a few more who died post-retirement, which barely occasioned a notice.

In fact, I can think of more ex-students of mine who've died than colleagues, sadly.

icymaiden · 10/09/2014 23:32

Raven I meant to say teachers or pupils not of pupils.

You are wrong with your statistics. 1 in 2000 children of secondary school age will die every year according to the National statistics office. Say if a school has 1000 pupils that will be at least one death every 2 years

GogoGobo · 10/09/2014 23:39

On balance, yanbu.

Alisvolatpropiis · 10/09/2014 23:41

Yabu

Also teaching isn't comparable to being a nurse/doctor in a hospital.

HTH

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 10/09/2014 23:44

YABU. To the highest level. A teacher has died for heaven sake and your attitude is why can't the funeral be on a Saturday.
I think it would be disrespectful if the school did not close.
Y.Y vest.

Tinuviel · 10/09/2014 23:46

Haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to add that DM died when I was 17. She was a primary teacher and although the school didn't close, all the staff who knew her attended the funeral while newcomers/supply had all the kids in the hall for singing. The head, secretary and another teacher spent the whole day looking after stuff for us - they even organised the buffet for the wake (having also visited on the day she died to see how we were coping). It meant the world to me that so many colleagues/friends cared about her and indirectly cared enough about us to give their time. I used to go in and help DM sometimes when our school hols didn't coincide (different counties) so I knew lots of the teachers myself. That was many years ago but I still feel gratitude that all staff that knew her were allowed to attend.

olgaga · 10/09/2014 23:49

Unless it's an Academy or Free School you might want to have a look at your County Council website.

Most County Councils have a policy on school closures and the death of a staff member wouldn't normally be classed as an "unavoidable closure".

Redglitter · 10/09/2014 23:50

shame people aren't reading the whole thread. The OP has come back and apologised for her post. Might be nice if people read that post before still calling her unreasonable

FleabsGoLeap · 10/09/2014 23:55

YABU, very so. I hope your DC don't have this attitude too, its not all about you after all . If so , I feel sorry or them. I agree with the schools decision.

MidniteScribbler · 11/09/2014 00:04

A few years ago one of my colleagues died very suddenly in tragic circumstances. We didn't 'officially' close the school for the afternoon, but we asked parents 'where possible' if they could pick up their children early (or work with other parents to help out if they could) so all staff could attend the funeral. We only had about 50 students (out of nearly 600) where the parents indicated they could not arrange alternative cover, so we brought in a few crts who could supervise those remaining. The family asked that students did not attend the service, although were welcome to pay their respects outside the chapel, in school uniform. We ended up with an unofficial honour guard of students, which was just beautiful, outside the chapel and the next day with had a ceremony at the school for all students to attend. I think it was important not only for staff to be able to mourn their friend and colleague, but for students as well.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 11/09/2014 00:09

I think the op has been very honest and has come back to explain her feelings.

Good on you op. Read the thread people.

playinghockey · 11/09/2014 00:11

Hello,
My children are at this school.
The member of staff who lost her battle with a long and horrible illness on saturday was at the heart of the school and it is absolutely appropriate that the school shuts for her funeral as a mark of respect for the wonderful work she has done.
Yes I've had to arrange covler for my children while the school is closed but this is a very minor thing and the vast majority of parents are completely supportive of the school shutting.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 11/09/2014 01:35

playinghockey what a huge loss it will be to the school, the children and all her friends and family Flowers

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 11/09/2014 01:36

Hope all goes as well as it can then.

What a fitting tribute.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 11/09/2014 01:40

Tinuviel moving post Flowers

Hulababy · 11/09/2014 07:12

Naty - yes I work FT (school) and so does my dh. So childcare was an issue. My I felt completely insignificant compared to the death of my dd's daughter.

Schools, especially smaller ones, are very different to other work places IMO. They are often more like a family community.

comfycushion · 11/09/2014 07:21

I would accept that the school will close but, also expect that if any child needs/want to attend a funeral of a family member or close family friend they should be authorised to do so.

cashmiriana · 11/09/2014 07:49

When my mother died after teaching for about 28 years in the same school we were touched that every single member of staff and all the sixth form students attended her funeral.

The senior school closed for the day.

It was a mark of love and respect for her. Even all the nuns came (it was a Methodist funeral so very unusual).

They had become her family.

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