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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School closure for a funeral?

291 replies

saywhaaaaat · 10/09/2014 21:14

Name changed - there is likely to be someone who knows me or the place I am refering to!

So, DC is back at school. A letter arrives on Monday from the head teacher informing of the sad passing of a teacher who had worked at the school for some time (20+ years). The letter also informs us that the school will be clsoed on the day of the funeral to allow all staff to attend. I thought this was a bit odd (as a public sector worker I have never encountered this type of response to a funeral) and hoped the funeral would take place on a Saturday.

Today another letter arrives. The entire school (400 odd children) is to be closed for an entire day next week.

In my experience it is usually more than acceptable for one or two people to represent the work place at funeral. I can't imagine many places where it would be acceptable to close an entire service for an entire day for a funeral.

This is bugging me but happy to accept that I am a mean so and so that has no heart etc....

So hit me. AIBU?

OP posts:
Picturesinthefirelight · 10/09/2014 21:52

YABVU

When my auntie died our local BBC radio station didn't broadcast locally for the day but brought in presenters from another region.

A child died at ds's school just before Easter. As it happened the funeral was held during the holidays but had it been term I would have expected school to close. Most staff & many children attended.

And funerals on Saturdays are quite unusual I think.

halfwildlingwoman · 10/09/2014 21:57

I attended the funeral of someone who taught in my school for 20 years. The Head merged classes and called in cover and did everything he could to ensure those that wanted to could attend. The service was in town, so we only had to be away for an hour, but I was proud to work for someone who was so compassionate. 20 years of service. Damn right the school should close. Some things are more important. I am surprised though. Good on the Head.
Some years ago I went to the funeral of a colleague who died in service. His widow conveniently arranged the service for 4pm so that we could attend.

Hulababy · 10/09/2014 21:57

Naty - dd's school was a private school too. Why would that have any bearing on if the school closes or not? Dd's did. It was a small primary school, a well respected teacher been there several years. I'd have been disappointed if they hadn't shut so his friends and colleagues could bid him a final farewell.

I can't believe how callous some people come across. A teacher has died. The staff are not heading off on some jolly! They are going to see someone they care about be laid to rest!!!

Original poster
saywhaaaaat · 10/09/2014 21:58

I have read all the posts. Thank you for taking the time to respond (even the not so polite ones!).

The thing is, I felt thrown as I know my inital reaction was neither 'right' nor compassionate. And it was the compassionate bit that has bothered me as if you knew me in real life you would understand that I am compassionate, considerate and empathatic to the point of distraction (hence several months of therapy!). I hope those of you who have tried to judge my character (rather than my thoughts/actions) understand that we all get it wrong sometimes and we all think things that aren't right. So sorry for any offence. Sorry for coming across as a heartless bitch. I am mortified.

OP posts:
PiperIsOrange · 10/09/2014 21:59

Do you work OP

daisychain01 · 10/09/2014 21:59

Death is very inconvenient and disruptive for all concerned

jellybelly701 · 10/09/2014 22:03

I think overall you are being unreasonable. Twenty years is a long time, can you imagine the friendships he/she formed? The memories created? Wouldn't you want to say goodbye?

I had a lovely teacher at secondary school who I really opened up to send shared my problems with. She helped me through some very difficult times and when she died when I was in year 10 I was devastated that I couldn't attend the funeral because it was midweek. I was just a student yet her death hit me hard. I imagine it hit the other teachers ( her FRIENDS) a lot harder and they too couldn't attend the funeral as they had to teach us.

Show some compassion, funerals are not about fulfilling obligations by sending a couple of 'work representatives' ffs. They are a time to grieve, to remember and to say goodbye. Which is something anyone who knew the deceased should get to do if they choose to.

I really don't think 1 day of childcare problems trumps a potential lifetime of regret for not saying goodbye to someone you care about.

Positivewife · 10/09/2014 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Babyroobs · 10/09/2014 22:08

An old schoolfriend of mine died and it was her wish that the wake was held in the school hall where she also had her wedding reception . She also worked at the school so knew lots of teachers etc . The school closed for the day, a few parents grumbled and went to the local press but most paretns fully supported the decision.

kslatts · 10/09/2014 22:09

YABVU.

Of course the staff will want to attend, easiest way to facilitate this is to close the school.

WendyBloomers · 10/09/2014 22:09

Wow. YABU

RocksRCool · 10/09/2014 22:12

I think the school should stay open even if it were with supply teachers and minimal staff. It's difficult for people to find child care at such short notice. I wonder if every single member of staff will be attending the funeral.

It also seems odd that the school has to close for the whole day but I suppose it depends on where and when the funeral is.

When I worked in an office and a much loved colleague died just a few people attended the funeral to represent our department.

HERE is an. Interesting article about another school that wasn't allowed to close for a staff members funeral.

ilovesooty · 10/09/2014 22:13

I'm sure the bereaved family tried ever so hard to get a Saturday funeral to prevent the school being closed. Hmm

Pipbin · 10/09/2014 22:16

This isn't about childcare or my child's education even. I am actually just curious if this seems ok to other people as I've never come across this before.

So what is your problem then?

ItsNotEasyBeingGreen · 10/09/2014 22:17

A deeply respected colleague of mine died a few years ago (hospital). We couldn't all go, it wouldn't have been possible. Patients would suffer. We essentially had to choose who could and couldn't attend.

I'm in 2 minds about your OP. We couldn't all go and close our department and closing an entire school for staff to attend a funeral seems excessive. Especially in the current climate of fining parents for days missed etc... But at the same time they've lost a much loved colleague and friend. It's tricky.

Original poster
saywhaaaaat · 10/09/2014 22:18

I'll repost from a little earlier:

I have read all the posts. Thank you for taking the time to respond (even the not so polite ones!).

The thing is, I felt thrown as I know my initial reaction was neither 'right' nor compassionate. And it was the compassionate bit that has bothered me as if you knew me in real life you would understand that I am compassionate, considerate and empathatic to the point of distraction (hence several months of therapy!). I hope those of you who have tried to judge my character (rather than my thoughts/actions) understand that we all get it wrong sometimes and we all think things that aren't right. So sorry for any offence. Sorry for coming across as a heartless bitch. I am mortified.

OP posts:
Shosha1 · 10/09/2014 22:19

My mum was a school nurse at a secondary school for 15 years when she died from cancer

The school closed the day if her funeral, with most of the teaching staff attending as did a lot of past and present students.

TSSDNCOP · 10/09/2014 22:19

OP this is one of those times where you need to hide the thread and remember this isn't real life.

Don't take it too much to heart. It's just words on the Internet.

Cake and Wine for you.

CromerSutra · 10/09/2014 22:20

On an emotional level I think you are being very unreasonable and unfeeling. I am really aghast at your thoughts that the funeral should be on a Saturday because the person who died was a teacher! I will remember to tell my family that should I die in service they should bury me on a Saturday to avoid any undue disturbance to the school week!

I also think you are being unreasonable on a practical level. As this is a school of 400 pupils that will be alot of staff too. It would be really difficult in that case to decide who was and who wasn't "allowed" to attend the funeral and to ensure that enough staff were available to supervise the children with so many staff out. If this person worked there for 20 plus years they would have been part of the fabric of the place and will have taught many, many of the children in the community.

One of our beloved colleagues died a few years ago. We shut the school. Not a single parent objected.

Momagain1 · 10/09/2014 22:22

I think YABmildlyU. It is unusual, but not not unheard of. OutdamnSpot's school handled it better, but maybe there arent enough staff to stay.

WelshMaenad · 10/09/2014 22:24

YANBU. The caretaker at DD's school died a few years ago,very unexpectedly at a young age. The school did not close for his funeral.

Similarly, my mum died earlier this year, she was a social worker. A small number of colleagues who were especially close to her attended the funeral, but the office did not close for the day and the majority of staff sent their apologies. I would not have expected them to turn out en mass. Jobs still have to be done.

WooWooOwl · 10/09/2014 22:24

Don't worry OP, you asked your question, got your answer and have accepted it. This could just be one of those threads that people don't read fully before telling you how unreasonable you are, despite the fact that you've already accepted it.

CromerSutra · 10/09/2014 22:25

Just clocked your update though......kudos to you for coming back and being so humble as to apologise. Agree with TSSDNCOP.

naty1 · 10/09/2014 22:26

I suppose it matters that it was private because parents are paying for a service that wouldnt be provided.
Maybe more cases of both parents working so unable to take a day off at short notice. (My mum was a teacher so what she would have done with her class?)
I guess not being religious i dont see the funeral as vital to attend, for a colleague but guess i understand that others might want to.
There is no way as a HT i would inconvenience all those parents. I would work around those wanting to attend.

Also it seems a bit bizarre as we had several o?der teachers who we all knew that retired only a couple of years before dying and surely that is just as upsetting to staff/children taught by them?

Im also wondering hiw many people pro closure are both working parents?
For 400 kids 400 parents taking a day (of holiday?) or unpaid.

That would not be the way i would want my students' parents to remember me.

I must remember to keep holiday left over for this instance.

Waltonswatcher · 10/09/2014 22:29

Op
Don't feel bad at all.
I'm shocked too and find this bizarre.
The school should send representatives .