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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School closure for a funeral?

291 replies

saywhaaaaat · 10/09/2014 21:14

Name changed - there is likely to be someone who knows me or the place I am refering to!

So, DC is back at school. A letter arrives on Monday from the head teacher informing of the sad passing of a teacher who had worked at the school for some time (20+ years). The letter also informs us that the school will be clsoed on the day of the funeral to allow all staff to attend. I thought this was a bit odd (as a public sector worker I have never encountered this type of response to a funeral) and hoped the funeral would take place on a Saturday.

Today another letter arrives. The entire school (400 odd children) is to be closed for an entire day next week.

In my experience it is usually more than acceptable for one or two people to represent the work place at funeral. I can't imagine many places where it would be acceptable to close an entire service for an entire day for a funeral.

This is bugging me but happy to accept that I am a mean so and so that has no heart etc....

So hit me. AIBU?

OP posts:
LingDiLong · 10/09/2014 21:36

If the school closing doesn't cause a childcare or educational issue why would it not be 'ok', why would you object to something on principal only or because other workplaces wouldn't be able to shut?! Or simply because it seems odd or unusual?

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 10/09/2014 21:37

I've never been to a Saturday funeral, actually. People usually do miss work for them.

Moreisnnogedag · 10/09/2014 21:38

I work in a hospital. When a staff member died, they rejigged the rota so that all his colleagues could attend his funeral (basically a related service took over for the duration of the service).

In addition last year when a ward clerk died suddenly, those who were close to her had their shifts altered so they could attend.

So yes, even the NHS makes allowances for grief. So should you.

LadyLuck10 · 10/09/2014 21:38

This reply has been deleted

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dancestomyowntune · 10/09/2014 21:38

I worked in a shop. A colleague died and staff from another branch covered so that everyone who worked with her could attend.

When I was at primary school a teacher died, I don't remember the school closing, but I do remember a group of students going with some staff to represent the school.

Personally I think it's lovely that the school are honouring the teacher in this way.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 10/09/2014 21:38

Actually I do know of a funeral recently that was explicitly close friends and family only, with a private committal, admitit.

naty1 · 10/09/2014 21:39

I agree with OP not appropriate to shut the school.
My PE teacher died (young, maybe 40s) and i think everyone was upset, probably service in assembly.
My close friend (at 13) died over the summer holiday and again a service not a closure. But then this was a private school. I attended the funeral so it must have been weekend. Surely that makes the most sense although i guess its up to the family.

I think if its sudden the more important time for everyone is the day they find out, and that something is done together.

todayisnottheday · 10/09/2014 21:39

I think there are many areas where you could work with someone for 20 years. There are very few that would close totally for a funeral. Imo teachers at a school that would close are lucky but not unreasonable. It would be nice if it were possible/considered in other work places too but practicalities and costs rule it out.

My only question would be are they as understanding about attending a funeral when the shoe is on the other foot. If they are happy for children to attend the funeral of a grandparent, for example, then fair enough. If they would refuse permission I'd be raising an eyebrow tbh.

londonrach · 10/09/2014 21:40

Yabu and very mean. Hospital can't be compared to a school. Over years I bet everyone knew that teacher.

Dukketeater · 10/09/2014 21:42

When I was at school a teacher died and they closed the school for the day.

A few of us kids attended the funeral (say 80?) as we loved him dearly

SoonToBeSix · 10/09/2014 21:42

You really weren't sure if you were being unreasonable ?? Your are.

RiverTam · 10/09/2014 21:43

I said the OP on the other thread was NBU and I say the same to you. I hate this way that anyone who disagrees with this kind of thing is a cold unfeeling heartless cow. They aren't. The OP isn't. I'm not. But in the school DD is about to attend, this would affect pushing 400 families, most of which will have 2 working parents, many of whom will have sorted out their annual leave to the nth degree to make things work. Some people might have to take a day's unpaid leave to cover something like this. Doesn't mean they are heartless not to want to, just that they have bills to pay and food to get on the table. But MN would have you believe that.

MrFMercury · 10/09/2014 21:43

YABU
My auntie taught at the same school for over 20 years and all the staff and many former pupils attended her funeral. The church was packed with people stood anywhere they could find space. It helped a lot at a very painful time to be surrounded by so many people who knew and valued her.

Doobledootch · 10/09/2014 21:45

I actually think it's a really nice thing to do. I would be fully supportive of my child's school if they did this.

Education is important, but so are our personal and professional relationships.

LingDiLong · 10/09/2014 21:45

RiverTam, you make a very good point and I would have some sympathy with the OP if that were her objection. But she says herself that she has no actual issue with the closure, it won't cause her any childcare problems, she just seems to begrudge it for no real reason.

plus3 · 10/09/2014 21:46

I work in a hospital where 2 of my most lovely nurses died - we couldn't close the ward, but staffed it with those who did not know them very well (which was only a few), 2 of the senior sisters volunteered to work to allow more to attend the funeral & we used a lot of agency staff ... Grieving is so important. I genuinely can not understand what you find strange about the school shutting for a day. Confused consider it an InSet day. Find some compassion.

pippinleaf · 10/09/2014 21:47

I just want to respond to the comment that 'I hope the school would be as reasonable as allowing a day off for a child to attend a funeral.' Schools, sadly, do not make the rules about what we can authorise absence for. Since the conservative government introduced the rule about no holidays, financial penalties etc, they also issued strict guidelines about what heads can authorise. Any anger about this rule should be directed towards the government as not the school. We hate turning down holidays, we hate the bad relationships it can cause between us and our families and we, personally think a reasonable amount of time out of school (some families do push it) is ok.

Hulababy · 10/09/2014 21:48

Yabu

Dd's teacher died just before she started in year 6. He was a long time member of staff and was obviously friends with his colleagues.

The school closed the afternoon on his funeral to allow his friends and colleagues to attend his funeral, and some of the children too.

They also had a special assembly for the children too and obviously there was a lot of flexibility for the children affected. He had been dd's form teacher in year 5 too so her class were seriously affected by his death. They saw their teachers sad and upset but they learnt it was okay to be sad.

Two years on she still remembers him fondly and we especially remember him around the anniversary of his death.

If you didn't know him then you probably aren't affected by his loss but his colleagues, his friends - some of 20 years -, were and so were lots of his pupils.

You are being VERY unreasonable to do anything other than support the school as they deal with his death.

PiperIsOrange · 10/09/2014 21:49

Its the start of the school year.

it's not like its coming up exam season. It's 1 day.

BlinkAndMiss · 10/09/2014 21:49

I'm really not sure why you are finding this 'confusing' OP.

In simple terms - the teacher had dedicated 20 years if her life to the school, the school is closed so that the many people who worked with her and respected her can show their respect.

Are you confused because you have no idea about compassion? The school sounds lovely, very caring towards the teachers.

YABVU.

Welliesandpyjamas · 10/09/2014 21:49

YABU
Imagine the sadness of losing a loved friend and colleague and not being allowed to say goodbye at a funeral, as well as having to continue 'business as usual' in the classroom pretending nothing is wrong Sad

our school secretary died a few years ago. It was a big loss for everyone, pupils, teachers, parents. As it was a small school a plan was put together: the newer staff stayed behind (there was a high % of nqt's that year) propped up by reliable parents in non-teaching roles, allowing the older colleagues/friend and all other parents to go to the funeral. This was followed by the kids building a beautiful memorial garden for her. Schools can be, and so often are, described as communities or families. It is only fitting that everyone grieves together and shows respect when there is a loss.

Doobledootch · 10/09/2014 21:49

Oh and funerals on Saturday aren't uncommon in NI.

feathermucker · 10/09/2014 21:49

You are being completely unreasonable.

Also, you cannot compare a hospital ward to a school. Other than both being public sector, they have entirely different operational requirements and serve totally different types of people!

You say you were asking what people thought; you have almost universally been told that YABU.

What do you feel now you've read all this?!

frankie001 · 10/09/2014 21:50

Yabu. To take your hospital example, I work in one and we have on the past covered wards so that staff could attend a memorial service for a nurse who had passed away.

Only1scoop · 10/09/2014 21:52

I'm also not sure why you are finding this 'confusing'??

Confused that the establishment is allowed to close in respect.

Or confused as to why on earth they may wish to do it?

You said yourself its not causing you any childcare hardship etc.