To be very concerned that DD2 is now telling lies about me to her form Tutor.

[smokepole]

I know it seems like every week, that DD2 is up to something than she apologizes and says sorry. However, I am very angry with her now , I got a phone call from DDs form tutor telling me that she seen DD2 and friend Julie working round the town 'drinking' beer from a can with some 'undesirable' non 'grammar school' boys (expect to get flamed for that) on Friday night. They were both supposed to have been in the Cinema . The form teacher approached them and asked them what was in the can ( butter would not melt in the mouth) DD said the can was empty and 'would not ever drink alcohol' 'Lovely to see you miss ' . The form tutor was having nothing of it so pulled them both Monday morning , Julie admitted to drinking beer, DD still denied she had drunk any Alcohol. DD then burst in to tears saying I am throwing her out after she has done her GCSEs because I am moving to Cheshire and that she is not allowed to come. DD asked her form teacher ' can I stay with you miss for sixth form'.

I told DD about two weeks ago that we were moving to Trafford in July after her GCSEs and DS school year ends, she fluctuates from being ok to swearing and slamming bedroom doors. The main reason I am going is for DD2 and DS , to give them a better chance, there really is nothing for them on the Kent coast. The thing is I keep 'grounding ' her and taking 10% of her allowance of her , she then returns to being the loving caring daughter I know she is.

The form tutor has given DD and Julie a detention, Julie for drinking, DD one for lying. DDs form teacher is very concerned about DDS behaviour and why she is acting like a year 7 ( incidentally she was so focused in year 7 overcoming her difficulties) she never behaved anything like this. This is the reason why her form tutor is very 'fond' of her. The form tutor told DD that year 11 is 'not the right time' for this behaviour.

If only bad boys from non grammar schools were the worse.

My best friend aged 15 had a "boyfriend" who was 39 who got her hooked on weed and became her pimp until she worked out how much money she was making and threw him out and started working for herself.

I think Smoke you have seriously fractured your family. I don't see a way forward that you can keep everyone happy. You have not considered everyone's feelings and tested the waters to how they would react or offered an alternative if one scenario did not work out. I feel very sorry for your dd as not only is she being badgered at home by you bringing your other children in to do battle with her but she cannot even have any down time of her own without sticky beaks sticking their noses in where she does not want it. I think you have left this move too late. Why do you think it is acceptable for this one child to be told that she has to loose her friends in order for her other siblings to have what they want. Why wouldn't it be acceptable for your ds to go to an ordinary school. Or have you already deemed anyone who goes to that school undesirable.

Well I live a 25 minute train ride from beautiful Brum.

All the silly geographical one up man ship doesn't really matter here.

Op you need to start treating your dd as her age, she's a young woman and behaving like a child because you are treating her like one.

One beer at 16 is normal. Chatting to boys is normal.

Being very very pissed off that you are told by your dm you are moving away to completely start again without discussion and not even for you good. It for your siblings is also completely normal.

Personally I am suprised she hasnt kicked off more.

To add if a teacher at my dds school acted like her tutor I would see them as grossly unprofessional and totally out of order.

I have just got back in. First of all I am moving to be near my brother, 'there are zero opportunities for me in the backwater of shepway' .I was ready to move two years ago but it fall though, due to problems with my parents. My brother is going to help me, DD2 and DS make a life far more beneficial to the one we have know. If you read some of the posts , you would think Kent was St Tropez and Manchester was Damascus or worse. The perception of Manchester and the North in general is truly 'frightening'. The most wonderful county North Yorkshire is 1.5 Hrs away as is the Lake district , Manchester is at the forefront of sport, not just football but a myriad of sports . Manchester has the most probably the most diverse University and entertainment scene's in the country. There are plenty of jobs available in leeds Liverpool Newcastle Manchester. Many more than will ever be available in Kent . if you don't want to live in England by all means go and live and work in London provided you earn £100k Pa and want to live a £20k Pa lifestyle

The North of England is denigrated by posters on here, many who believe out of date 'stereotypes' without actually visiting the north. Perhaps the most startling thing though, is that many people on here are 'socialists' and require that northern cities for the labour vote to give them any hope of keeping the dreaded Tories out. The truth is like the Labour Party , they treat the North with contempt.

Enough of that back to DD2.

DD has now said that she wants to go with me. she has been saying this on and off for three years, she wants to see her cousins on a regular basis.
DD has told me she wants to live with her uncle Paul, who has lots of land and horses ( that is obviously not going to happen) However, she will benefit from the family unit living in close proximity and will also share in the benefit of his success .

I have told DD that we have to make the change now, she understands the opportunity for all of us especially as my brother wants to really help us get on with life.

Finally I have never said the boys were undesirable because they did not go to a grammar, ( that would be to condem myself . brother and DD1 as undesirable). I condemned them for their behaviour and for the fact they are not interested in study or even trying . I have also said at least one of them is known to hit his girlfriends, as well as being a 'dealer'. Who in their right mind would want their 'naive' young 15 year old daughter anywhere near them . A daughter by the way ,who gets upset by comments on-line from 12 year old boys.

So it's all sorted then. Good good.

"Finally I have never said the boys were undesirable because they did not go to a grammar,"

Yes you did.

"some 'undesirable' non 'grammar school' boys (expect to get flamed for that) "

You are deluded, no wonder your DD is the way she is, I well remember your previous posts about her awful, snobbish and sneery attitude.

Oh and you are deluded about "Trafford" as well. I was privately educated here and the boys drinking and skinning up on Hale Bowling Green with me were the grammar and privately educated boys! The boys you would look on as "rough and undesirable" were generally out earning a wage, and unlike their grammar/private counterparts were not generally horrible crashing snobs.

And the AGGS boys CANNOT cross a road to save their lives by the way. Honestly.

Sorry I mean ABGS, my nostalgia confused me for a minute

Well we know where you'll be working when you move to Manchester - the tourist information centre.

Why did me saying non grammar boys get you upset Hakluyt. Is that more important than the posting or question. I would expect that she normally socialises with boys and girls from the grammar schools. I would not expect ,nor want DD to socialise with boys/girls who have no interest in learning or improving themselves regardless of whether that is a grammar or other educational institution.

Well good luck with that!

I would just be careful about saying or implying that certain boys / friends are not good enough for her and that she can do better.

My DM is a lovely lovely Mum but when I was growing up she was paranoid about me meeting someone who was 'good enough'. I therefore decided that she didn't know what she was talking about and I was more attracted to the bad boys ... To cut a long story short, I married at 19 to a boy 'from the wrong side of the tracks' simply to wind her up and of course because I thought I knew better. Needless to say it only lasted 18 months as he was a bad un

I'm originally from up North, Yorkshire though so much nicer lol ... Anyway we went to stay with some friends in altricham recently and I loved the area and was really impressed at Manchester City centre. I own some property in Kent and I won't say where so as not to cause offence but I would NEVER choose there over Manchester.

However my son is at Manchester uni .. He was so pleased to get in there are it is apparently well known as 'the party city' .. He has though survived and has made it to his final year ... Phew!

Kids from all backgrounds deal and take drugs and sometimes hit each other. DH went to public school and spent most afternoons during his sixth form totally shitfaced. Don't kid yourself about the drugs bit-they're everywhere. The rich kids can just buy better and more, that's all.

Thank you Cavkc. I love Skipton, Harrogate and was 'very very surprised' how nice ' Scarborough' is. North Yorkshire / west riding of York are probably the nicest counties in the country 'period'. I feel like I am 'going home', when I leave the Ribble valley and get in North Yorkshire. That's probably because my grandparents are from there, before they 'emigrated' to Kent for some unknown reason after the war.

"I would expect that she normally socialises with boys and girls from the grammar schools."

Why?

I am aware how bad 'private' and grammar school boys/girls can be, there is one vital difference though when it is required they get their heads down and work. This is not being controversial, it is the truth .The boys DD has know said she does not like , she was only joining in for Julie's benefit are not able to change the way they think or their work ethic when required. The only thing they wanted was a bit of fun on Friday morning with no concern or interest in DD or Julie ,probably to have sex and Drugs , they just wanted to use a couple of posh girls for a quick thrill

I am very well aware of boys/girls from all walks of life, having run my parents business which consisted of 2 Amusement Arcades, 2 Pubs 15 Flats and other tat. I have seen the full works from 16/17 year old's I have been very deliberate in my handling of DD2, she is a totally different character to DD1 who I allowed more freedom at 16.

Hakulyt. The reason why they generally socialize is that the majority of them have grown up together ,they use the same school buses. They live in the same areas and they have been 'segregated' from the other kids. This is usually the fault of the the other schools parents and pupils who have a 'chip' on the shoulder. They do not join clubs, they are to blame in many circumstances for actively distancing themselves from the grammar school kids.

The North of England is denigrated by posters on here, many who believe out of date 'stereotypes' without actually visiting the north.

I and many others on here have lived in and escaped the very area you are moving to.

The problem is that because everyone knows everyone else's business If you walked down the road there was always someone somewhere ready to pass some negative comment about me on to my mother. No matter how ever improbable if someone could see a way of putting you down they did it no matter what it was. It could be because my skirt was too short or once it was the fact some one had once seen me stood next to a random stranger at a bus stop who was smoking. Trying to convince my mother that not only did I not know who this guy was or that I did not smoke or that I was not sleeping with this person was just impossible and futile such was the bile people fed other people. Having said that Smoke that is probably exactly what you are looking for.

I loved London from the moment I realised I could walk down Oxford Street in the shortest skirt and no one gave a damn. I didnt have to answer to anyone.

Liverpool, the Lake District and THe Yorkshire moors might only be a short drive away but in the 19 years I spent living there I never visited any of these places and neither did anyone else I knew.

"The problem is that because everyone knows everyone else's business If you walked down the road there was always someone somewhere ready to pass some negative comment about me on to my mother."

What, in Manchester??

everyone knows everyone else's business

Perhaps that's what the OP is looking for in order to continue to micromanage her daughter (who will probably bugger off to university as far away as possible at the earliest opportunity)

Ive got a dd the same age, just wondering where one finds an Approved list of people my Daughter may befriend ?

Problem solved then, she's happy to be going and so there will be no more lying about you to anyone, tutor included.
Having lived in Manchester, Yorkshire and Sussex as well as London and places in between it's all down to what you and your family want as individuals and as a family unit.
I disliked Manchester, despite being within travelling distance of the Peaks and the Lakes, I hope your daughter and son have a different experience.
If not, she's away and free at 18 if she plans ahead.

Humansatnav-I have a non grammar teenager. I'm thinking of stopping his friendships with grammar school pupils in case his lumpen influence destroys their chances of a future. Do you think that's the way forward?

Not Manchester, Timperley where the op is moving.

I think that Smoke you have had your head turned in thinking that you can have the same lifestyle as your brother who from what you say, it sounds like he is well off and lives in a large property in the Knutsford countryside. Remeber you will be living from what you say in one of the semis in Timperley with the pocket handkerchief size gardens. A completely different kettle of fish

God you're narrow minded OP. Well more fool you. I'm glad my DCs socialise with people from all walks of life personally, gives them a much more balanced outlook and much greater life experience.

Your bullshit about the "work ethic" is complete bollocks. You don't have to be more intelligent than average to work hard, in fact sometimes it's the reverse. Look at the attitude your DD is displaying, YOU are the primary cause. Wasn't she the one who berated you for not going to uni?

The sad thing is, these families you aspire for your kids to socialise with - they will be judging YOU and your family as not suitable, a house in Timperley and state education?! The irony. Mind you, they are dicks too.

The sad thing is, these families you aspire for your kids to socialise with - they will be judging YOU and your family as not suitable, a house in Timperley and state education?!

Exactly this.