To be very concerned that DD2 is now telling lies about me to her form Tutor.

[smokepole]

I know it seems like every week, that DD2 is up to something than she apologizes and says sorry. However, I am very angry with her now , I got a phone call from DDs form tutor telling me that she seen DD2 and friend Julie working round the town 'drinking' beer from a can with some 'undesirable' non 'grammar school' boys (expect to get flamed for that) on Friday night. They were both supposed to have been in the Cinema . The form teacher approached them and asked them what was in the can ( butter would not melt in the mouth) DD said the can was empty and 'would not ever drink alcohol' 'Lovely to see you miss ' . The form tutor was having nothing of it so pulled them both Monday morning , Julie admitted to drinking beer, DD still denied she had drunk any Alcohol. DD then burst in to tears saying I am throwing her out after she has done her GCSEs because I am moving to Cheshire and that she is not allowed to come. DD asked her form teacher ' can I stay with you miss for sixth form'.

I told DD about two weeks ago that we were moving to Trafford in July after her GCSEs and DS school year ends, she fluctuates from being ok to swearing and slamming bedroom doors. The main reason I am going is for DD2 and DS , to give them a better chance, there really is nothing for them on the Kent coast. The thing is I keep 'grounding ' her and taking 10% of her allowance of her , she then returns to being the loving caring daughter I know she is.

The form tutor has given DD and Julie a detention, Julie for drinking, DD one for lying. DDs form teacher is very concerned about DDS behaviour and why she is acting like a year 7 ( incidentally she was so focused in year 7 overcoming her difficulties) she never behaved anything like this. This is the reason why her form tutor is very 'fond' of her. The form tutor told DD that year 11 is 'not the right time' for this behaviour.

The teacher had no right to approach them out of school hours and tell them off, no right whatsoever. Likewise she had no right to punish them for it. I used to see my history teacher on nights out in nightclubs when I was 16 FFS. She couldn't and wouldn't do anything, it's not their place. Outside of the school premises and school hours it's a parenting issue. I'd be mightily pissed off the teacher hadn't informed you about it rather than punishing DD and leaving you to find out in this way.

Sounds like DD is struggling with the GCSE pressures and moving quite a distance, away from her friends etc (assuming she is going with you and you aren't 'abandoning' her that is!). Plus just generally being a teenager and all the ups and downs and experiences that comes with. That's to explain the dramatic lying. The drinking and boys is pretty normal 16 year old behaviour I'd say.

You are heading towards losing your daughter at this rate. No wonder she is kicking off. You cant pick her friends for her, and drinking a can of lager on a friday night is pretty normal for a 15 year old. It is hardly the worst sin she could commit.

If she also has her older sister on her back giving her grief then I feel sorry for her.

Do you know the trafford area??... Cheshire it aint.

The form tutor believes both girls needed reprimanding: A for the Under Age Drinking B: for the In-appropriate company they were keeping.

OK fair enough on the drinking, but she deserves reprimanding for associating with children who failed the 11+? Really? [hmmm]

My brother has lived in Knutsford for 22 years. Ask anyone in Bowdon if they live in Greater Manchester see what they answer. Over the last 22 years I have spent on average at least 5 weeks a year in Knutsford and surrounding areas. I know Knutsford ,Alderley Edge, Wilmslow ,Macclesfield better than I know 'Kent' . There are two reasons why 'Timperley' it is ,one is I can't afford Knutsford the second one is AGGS/ ABGS 'Catchment' areas I hope that a place is available for DS in year 10 to take an exam and get in. DD provided she does not 'breakdown' should get 4A* 5 A grades.

Gosh, some posters should check the schools that come under Trafford (and some of the areas). I live in Hale, we have 2 grammar schools, it's a lovely place. We may technically be in Greater Manchester, but most people would say Cheshire and it's very different to Stretford or Old Trafford.
OP, your chances of getting DS into Alty boys will be slim. They're massively oversubscribed and have a waiting list.

It's a really tough time for a kid to move though. I'm not saying it's wrong to do it and obviously there are other people involved but I remember when my parents announced this to myself and my brothers at a similar age . We were all devastated. At that age it 's all about your friends and social life . I feel for her, no wonder she is acting up a bit. The tutor needs to wind her neck in and talk to you rather than punishing your Dd for something that happens outside school.

Break. I don't think its the failing of the 11+ , Its the point that they were 'very' rough and not the sort you really want your daughter hanging about with.

DD is a terrible liar and has just 'spilled' the lot, one of the boys is Julie's boyfriend he is at a 'pupil referral' unit ( the mind boggles, 4 weeks ago they were trying to chat to Public school boys on-line) now they are walking the streets with expelled boys from the worst school in town. The boys have asked Julie and DD to meet them on Friday morning at their house ( as there parents are at work) for a 'good time' . I am just pleased DD has owned up that she was thinking of 'Wagging' and having Sex . Do I inform the school that Julie is thinking of having 'Unauthorised' leave and a 'good time' she is under 16 .

Thanks 'Gobby' I know that chances may be slim, I have got 'Cheadle Hulme' School (brother will pay) lined up if Altrincham Boys is impossible .

By the way the first house on right move in bowdon is up for £6.75 Million.

Op she's 16 so a young woman.

You seem to treat her like a child telling her she's moving without any discussion and them being horrified she's swigged a can of beer and calling her mates undesirable because they are rough.

They may well be rough and she knows you would hate her seeing them so she's punishing you.

By criticising them and being horrified you are making them
More exciting.

What was the good time are you sure it was sex? More like a can of special brew.

I know teens are hard god knows but really op can't you see that by uprooting her got the sake of her siblings at a crucial time to her may catStrophically damage your mum/dd relationship which is worth a hell of a lot more than A*s and jet kid brother getting into a posh scho.

I think your priorities are all wrong really.

And tell that tutor she has overstepped the mark totally.

One can of beer is hardly sodom and Gomorrah and it's none of her concern unless your dd is swigging it in the classroom.

DD is not 16 until November Julie is 16 in October. Julie's Mum and Dad are 'horrified' by her behaviour in seeking out the ' roughest' boys in town. She like DD does not need any 'distractions' from boys/ girls who do not do 'homework' or even bother to turn up to school. I told the form tutor to punish her because , she 'listens' to her and respects her.

For the record it was not 'really' a detention DD and Julie ,just talked with the form tutor for an hour about 'growing up' pressure to succeed and how moving will open up new opportunities for DD( Julie is not the brightest girl in the year and a has GP Mother ,Lawyer father Brother Doctor of Chemistry).Julie feels she is underachieving in comparison with her family. The form tutor told them that they are too good for the boys and that they are demeaning them-selves and their self worth by socialising with them.

One of the boys is known as 'trouble' He has previously punched one of his girlfriends. He is 18 and gets a 'buzz' from 'Posh' girls falling for his charms.

You spend far too much time posting about Julie. You need to spend some time with your daughter, she isn't a child anymore and if you're not careful the move could push her away.

This is insane! Bumped into teachers from school many times on drunken nights out and they would not have dreamed of 'punishing' us for it or bringing it into school in any way. I really really can't see what business it is of the schools what either girl gets up to on a Friday night.
Seems to me your daughter has a very good idea indeed of how to push your buttons and reacting in horror at the idea of 'undesirable' boys, shock at drinking beer etc you are playing into her hands!
What makes you feel so threatened about your daughter spending time with kids from a different kind of background out of interest? Better than living in a bubble imo. But what can I say, I'm non-grammar myself so experienced the full gamut of undesirable behaviour ;-)

I don't 'understand' all the 'inverted 'commas' within this 'post'. It 'adds' and 'inference' on words that doesnt 'need' to 'be' there.

BTW tell the teacher to FO to the far side and then do one.

I'm a most laughing at moving from Kent to Manchester to avoid undesirables!

Wtf?! A 16 year old called Julie. That's hilarious

"Should I inform the school that Julie is thinking of taking unauthorised leave etc." NO.

If you must tell someone tell her parents but really stay out of it if you want your daughter to tell you anything at all in the future.

You have an incredibly odd writing style op. I would've thought someone as socially aspiring as yourself would be a lot more articulate. Why do you keep putting random apostrophes everywhere?

I have a year 7 child and no way does she behave like this . Out in town, alone, drinking. No way. She is 11 ffs.

I come from around that area you are planning to move to and can honestly say
A. I couldn't wait to leave it was the most boring place to grow up. I was out of there by the time I reached 19.
And
B. The only thing to do up there is drink so if you are up in arms about your dd drinking a can of beer I dont think moving to a grey rainy miserable area of the country is the answer.
Or there is the pastime of comparing property prices.

As a manc living in the deepest south east I really can't understand why you would want to move there. It rains a LOT, its so lovely down here in comparison. Crime is virtually non existent where I live, and although everyone sounds posh down here to me, I think my kids southern accent is much nicer than mine.

Do you know the trafford area??... Cheshire it aint.

Why not?

OP has presumably changed 'Julie's' name for anonymity. She would soon be slated if she used a real name. I think it is great that the form teacher was willing to intervene if she saw pupils behaving inappropriately. If you trust teachers to be 'in loco parentis' in school then you should also trust them at any time when they are present and you are not.

I went to a comprehensive school in Macclesfield so I guess I was hanging out with undesirable boys all day every day. I still came out with an A* in every GCSE. Your daughter will motivate herself if she wants to succeed - she'll find dodgy boys to hang out with wherever she is if that's what she wants to do.