To be very concerned that DD2 is now telling lies about me to her form Tutor.

[smokepole]

I know it seems like every week, that DD2 is up to something than she apologizes and says sorry. However, I am very angry with her now , I got a phone call from DDs form tutor telling me that she seen DD2 and friend Julie working round the town 'drinking' beer from a can with some 'undesirable' non 'grammar school' boys (expect to get flamed for that) on Friday night. They were both supposed to have been in the Cinema . The form teacher approached them and asked them what was in the can ( butter would not melt in the mouth) DD said the can was empty and 'would not ever drink alcohol' 'Lovely to see you miss ' . The form tutor was having nothing of it so pulled them both Monday morning , Julie admitted to drinking beer, DD still denied she had drunk any Alcohol. DD then burst in to tears saying I am throwing her out after she has done her GCSEs because I am moving to Cheshire and that she is not allowed to come. DD asked her form teacher ' can I stay with you miss for sixth form'.

I told DD about two weeks ago that we were moving to Trafford in July after her GCSEs and DS school year ends, she fluctuates from being ok to swearing and slamming bedroom doors. The main reason I am going is for DD2 and DS , to give them a better chance, there really is nothing for them on the Kent coast. The thing is I keep 'grounding ' her and taking 10% of her allowance of her , she then returns to being the loving caring daughter I know she is.

The form tutor has given DD and Julie a detention, Julie for drinking, DD one for lying. DDs form teacher is very concerned about DDS behaviour and why she is acting like a year 7 ( incidentally she was so focused in year 7 overcoming her difficulties) she never behaved anything like this. This is the reason why her form tutor is very 'fond' of her. The form tutor told DD that year 11 is 'not the right time' for this behaviour.

£20000 pounds went a long way to pay school fees in 1991 . I think the school fees for my cousins would have been about £5k per year . I remember that fees for Benenden were about £11k per year in 1987. Compare that to today Private day school fees £11k- 15K Public school day, 22k Boarding 35K . A massive hike in fees that has outstripped inflation or salary increases. It has therefore been necessary for members of family to take up the slack to pay/help out for Nieces/Nephews Cousins Brothers/Sisters.

It is too late for me or my "criticised " EX to be self sufficient (Maybe he could live on £200 per week but not great is it). I for instance will require "handouts" either from the state or family because it would be impossible to bring up 2/3 children on what I could earn. I don't understand why that is not taken in to account from the posters. I am also liable for a large Inheritance Tax Bill (lets not get in to specific ways that I or my family could reduce it please) No doubt me saying that , will get posters back ups for being honest and open .

P.S for those that have commented , I did work from 14-36 in the family business , so I think with the sacrifices I made including financial (if people bother to read the full post ) I deserve consideration and help from family , whether financial or emotional . Finally my two daughters are going to be assets to this country, working in two areas of public service that does not get the best terms or perception from the public. The Police force and Teaching I think I will have done a great job as a parent if they both go in to these areas of the public sector.

I could have never been anything other than Working Class , no matter how much money or success that I "might" have achieved. ( yeah you might have Social Economic terms, but there are meaningless when materialism is taken out) . The principal reasons for this being my secondary school, my choice of job and not being university educated( It could have been so different if my mum had paid that cheque).

Ah right, so you not amounting to anything is actually everybody elses fault and nothing to do with you? It's your parents fault for not sending you to the school that you so desperately wanted to. And so because of that you left school with nothing. And then because of your shit grades you couldn't go to university. And then because you didn't go to university you had to take a job working for your parents. It's all so "Poor me" and yet again you not taking any responsibility for your life. There were a number of options open to you when you finished school. But as far as you're concerned the fact that your Mum didn't "pay the cheque" set in motion the track to an inferior life and there was nothing you could do to stop it. You must realise how defeatist that sounds?

Out of interest didn't you say that your brother went to a "modern" school too?

It is not about that though, AAA was her real potential in the right environment. I am grateful to them for that, but the truth is she should have been at a grammar school.

Why didn't she go to Grammar school? Was it because she failed the 11+?

I do not understand why asking for temporary help (read the thread fully) to pay school fees for a niece is seen as "shocking" and not done.

Except it's not temporary in your case though is it? Your parents and brother will be supporting you and your children forever, seeing as "it's too late for you to be self sufficient."

The vast majority of people couldn't care less whether you went to the same sort of school that they did...unless you keep making them feel uncomfortable about it, at which point just about everyone from every social class is going to wish you'd go away.

That's so true.

If a family member is in a position to pay and their niece/nephew /godson daughter requires it . I think its a moral obligation to do so.

Are you sure you are not Indian? I have nver, ever come across anyone British with that mindset and level of entitlement.

Were you actually accepted at Benenden? Because in my experience public schools as opposed to local independents) will take registration/application fees from anyone at all who wants to be considered for a place, even if they don't have the first intention of offering them one. They usually look for a 'type'. Daddy can have all the money in the world but if your face and your accent doesn't fit you won't get in. You stand a better chance if you are a total genius, but otherwise, not so much.

So how old are you op?

I am guessing you are not as old as me and dh which is 50.

I have just started a new business and dh starts new contracts every 9 months or so all around the world.

I can't believe you feel it's not actually your moral obligation to support your children and certainly yourself.

So what if you can't get a job that earns what you used to earn. Join the club.

I am not of Indian descent . Are Indian descented people living in the UK not British Then ?

I was accepted in to Benneden and was due to start in the 4th year (I think they call it Lower Fifth or something). My accent would have adjusted , there were many "merchants daughters" there, so no problem with that one. it is quite amazing though going back to the worst school in Kent, nobody believes that story (though very true) My brother has made sure his daughter, goes to public school a famous girls school in Berkshire. I have said all this earlier , I am just repeating myself.

Rollergirl. Yes my brother went to the same High School as me five years earlier came out with 2 CSE grade 2s equal to D/E at GCSE.

The "Geek" went to the grammar school and was in line for Oxford till she walked out of her French A level exam just to show the teachers and mum that she was in control not them. She still came out with A grades in English Literature and Maths and has gone on to be a partner in an accountancy firm. Next year she starts an MSC in Mathematical Finance at Oxford , with her son quite possibly doing a Maths degree there at the same time.

DD1 did not get in to the grammar despite scoring 380, due to only scoring 113/114 (I think) on NVR. However, if her headteacher had not been a ideological fool acting in his interests ,rather than DDS and agreed to a heads appeal, I was told she would most probably have been accepted.

This is the reason I was desperate for her to take the grammar schools late entry test in Maths/English when a place became available in year 9. DD did not want to know and was happy at her high school on the North East Coast of Kent.

I am 41 In three weeks. The body. £250-300 Per week is not going to support my children .?

Smokepole

I am luving this thread
but it must be time to walk away now.
Return to active and post some sweetness and light on some threads.

How are you doing anyway? Have you started your first unit yet? I'm sure I did the same one, I'm trying to find my old essays but can't find this one.