To be very concerned that DD2 is now telling lies about me to her form Tutor.

[smokepole]

I know it seems like every week, that DD2 is up to something than she apologizes and says sorry. However, I am very angry with her now , I got a phone call from DDs form tutor telling me that she seen DD2 and friend Julie working round the town 'drinking' beer from a can with some 'undesirable' non 'grammar school' boys (expect to get flamed for that) on Friday night. They were both supposed to have been in the Cinema . The form teacher approached them and asked them what was in the can ( butter would not melt in the mouth) DD said the can was empty and 'would not ever drink alcohol' 'Lovely to see you miss ' . The form tutor was having nothing of it so pulled them both Monday morning , Julie admitted to drinking beer, DD still denied she had drunk any Alcohol. DD then burst in to tears saying I am throwing her out after she has done her GCSEs because I am moving to Cheshire and that she is not allowed to come. DD asked her form teacher ' can I stay with you miss for sixth form'.

I told DD about two weeks ago that we were moving to Trafford in July after her GCSEs and DS school year ends, she fluctuates from being ok to swearing and slamming bedroom doors. The main reason I am going is for DD2 and DS , to give them a better chance, there really is nothing for them on the Kent coast. The thing is I keep 'grounding ' her and taking 10% of her allowance of her , she then returns to being the loving caring daughter I know she is.

The form tutor has given DD and Julie a detention, Julie for drinking, DD one for lying. DDs form teacher is very concerned about DDS behaviour and why she is acting like a year 7 ( incidentally she was so focused in year 7 overcoming her difficulties) she never behaved anything like this. This is the reason why her form tutor is very 'fond' of her. The form tutor told DD that year 11 is 'not the right time' for this behaviour.

Do you think it's a good idea to strike up a friendship with your DD's teacher? Aside from being unprofessional on her part isn't it likely to cause further fraction with your DD?

I was thinking that as well Roller I am not sure it's a good move on the teacher's part. Also I think it's odd that you asked to meet her for a coffee in the evening rather than just asking for an appointment at the end of the school day.

I am sensing there are some boundaries issues here.

I read it as the eldest daughter's form tutor. If so she's left school I think. Still seems a little strange. I don't think I ever went out socially with a parent.

.Why is it unprofessional and wrong if two 40+ year old's strike up a friendship. This is away from the work place, are teachers not allowed to socialise with people they get on with (provided they are over "21"). "Not that way" In case someone gets the wrong meaning of over 21. We are not going to talk "shop", just have a laugh hopefully.

I have just asked DD 2 if she wants to come with me to see some really "Posh" Boys tonight at the Cinema " Riot Club". She said no thanks , Ill give it a miss.

NO its DD2s Current Form Tutor.

What are you talking about??

Is Riot Club the name of the film, or is it your description of the behaviour of people in the cinema? I just don't know what to make of all these apostrophes and speech marks all over the place!

I certainly didn't think it appropriate to socialise with any of my pupils' parents

Good lord, some people could google before wading in ... "The Riot Club, formerly named Posh, is a 2014 British drama thriller film directed by Lone Scherfig and written by Laura Wade, based on Wade's 2010 play Posh"

Her current form tutor? Really inappropriate then I'm afraid.

Seriously? You can't see why it is unprofessional?

OK thanks Garlic. You've got to be honest, what with her obsession with the class/status of schoolchildren and an over-enthusiastic use of quotation marks it was an easy mistake to make.

Oh, god, have I just hit yet another social boundary I didn't know existed?
The teachers at all my schools had friends amongst the parents - a lot of the parents were also teachers, mine included.
If teachers in small or mid-sized towns can't make friends with pupils' parents, doesn't that box out their social life quite drastically?

Genuine question.

Dont.

I asked her for a meeting about 4 days ago, she said could we meet in **bar at 6 pm . I said OK ,its a bit more comfortable and more informal than a classroom. We were only meant to talk for 30 minutes about DD , but we ended up talking for over two hours about anything but DD. She asked me if I was doing anything next Friday. I have not been out with anyone on a Friday or Saturday night for over 6 months now so I said why not.

I am off to the 'Pictures now' . Garlic I agree. I can't see anything wrong with two people having laugh or a night out regardless of whether she teaches your daughter or not.

I think if you happen to live in a small town or village and befriend a teacher through the natural progression of things and then they end up teaching your child (as has happened to me) that's one thing. But to do as smoke has suggested and is rather unusual and would be frowned upon by many head teachers I would imagine. But hey, it's been instigated by the teacher according to smoke, so I guess it's her lookout if it causes problems in her job/conflicts of interest further down the line.

I can't imagine what the teacher's professional boundaries are like for her to instigate such a meeting.

Some parts of trafford are definitely Cheshire! I live in altrincham part of trafford and my address is Cheshire. Depends which bit you live in.

Oooh, Altrincham's so posh, you have to know how to pronounce it!
It is still posh, isn't it? I'm out of date (and don't really care.)

I reckon Smoke's DD's teacher fancies her This could be interesting.

LOL at Trafford being in Cheshire - this thread has finally come full circle.

And yes Garlic I suspect you might be right!

She's clearly after you.

I predict yet another interesting thread.

Or she fancies the daughter ... her form tutor is very 'fond' of her ... Remember? Ooo-er.

Move to Manchester ASAP ... This has the makings of Jeremy Kyle-style lurve triangle!