To be very concerned that DD2 is now telling lies about me to her form Tutor.

[smokepole]

I know it seems like every week, that DD2 is up to something than she apologizes and says sorry. However, I am very angry with her now , I got a phone call from DDs form tutor telling me that she seen DD2 and friend Julie working round the town 'drinking' beer from a can with some 'undesirable' non 'grammar school' boys (expect to get flamed for that) on Friday night. They were both supposed to have been in the Cinema . The form teacher approached them and asked them what was in the can ( butter would not melt in the mouth) DD said the can was empty and 'would not ever drink alcohol' 'Lovely to see you miss ' . The form tutor was having nothing of it so pulled them both Monday morning , Julie admitted to drinking beer, DD still denied she had drunk any Alcohol. DD then burst in to tears saying I am throwing her out after she has done her GCSEs because I am moving to Cheshire and that she is not allowed to come. DD asked her form teacher ' can I stay with you miss for sixth form'.

I told DD about two weeks ago that we were moving to Trafford in July after her GCSEs and DS school year ends, she fluctuates from being ok to swearing and slamming bedroom doors. The main reason I am going is for DD2 and DS , to give them a better chance, there really is nothing for them on the Kent coast. The thing is I keep 'grounding ' her and taking 10% of her allowance of her , she then returns to being the loving caring daughter I know she is.

The form tutor has given DD and Julie a detention, Julie for drinking, DD one for lying. DDs form teacher is very concerned about DDS behaviour and why she is acting like a year 7 ( incidentally she was so focused in year 7 overcoming her difficulties) she never behaved anything like this. This is the reason why her form tutor is very 'fond' of her. The form tutor told DD that year 11 is 'not the right time' for this behaviour.

I am Sorry for offending you. A large number of the staff who worked for "the family business" would have been on Minimum or low pay. I tried to help them where I could sometimes in financial ways other times for instance paying for Taxis to take them home , other ways allowing some staff to leave earlier than usual to pick up children E.T.C. I am not the Monster I have been painted out to be Lovesooty.

I don't think ilovesooty has painted you as a monster but I also think in equal measure you don't really 'get' what people are saying.
You have no job but won't work.
You have children but their father won't support either them or himself.
You expect your family to support you and also the man you are divorced from.

I really hope your children do get good jobs. Then take an enormous step back from you and you ex. I hope you don't expect them to be sucked into this culture of mutual dependency.

Thank you for the explanation re: your parents' businesses smoke and I am sorry that it had to end the way it did. It must have been very hard.

I genuinely do not understand why, with your business and finance background and experience, you have been unable to obtain employment in something relevant and at a reasonably senior level. You could have done office management, book-keeping, administration, retail management, any number of things.

I can only imagine that you have approached each job application or interview in totally the wrong way. Maybe you were still so obsessively and rabidly attached to the idea that were far too special and important to be a mere employee, taking orders from someone else, and so hung up in your belief that you were shafted by the banks, that you scared off any potential new employers with your attitude.

not to mention just being a pub/restaurant manager for one of the large chains.

You seem a bit like a Miss Haversham figure, refusing to move on from something that was over long, long ago.

You could have done some formal business qualifications to complement your experience once the business you had had to be wound up. That might have enabled you to get back quickly into employment and start rebuilding. If you were to do some reading on careers guidance theory you would realise that many factors influence and impact career change. You can access free sessions through a National Careers Service adviser and now would be an excellent time to do so as a new contract begins next month and providers will be really keen to help you towards a positive outcome. They will help you to work on your CV and application and interview skills. It could well be that you are more employable than you think and you can be helped towards growth industries as there are some out there where your previous experience might be relevant. You could also enhance your experience and networking by taking on some relevant volunteering.

I changed careers totally when I had kids ( Late 30's ) as I couldn't handle babies and deadlines - I had no qualifications for my new post other than all my own teeth and a can-do attitude. It was minimum wage - now I'm further up the food chain it pays a lot better ... It's definitely do-able!

You sound as if you have lots of tranferable skills, you probably just need to hone your CV and interview technique a bit ...

How do you expect your children to develop a work ethic if you don't have one?

OP: I have been following this thread from the start and have posted a few times. To begin with I was angered by your apparent disdain for anyone that didn't fit your bill in terms of worthy associates for your DD. Then when you started to divulge more information I was perplexed and then I became incredulous. My immediate conclusion was that I didn't believe it, as it is all pretty far fetched to be honest. But you have (consistently)given such lengthy and detailed accounts of your life on this thread, past and present, that I can only assume that it's all true. I mean, who would make all this stuff up??

I can't speak for others but I think the general consensus and the cause of other posters frustration is the following:

You were initially very snobby, sneering and disparaging about pupils that came from state schools, even going so far as to class them as "scum" at some points, also saying that children from state (or modern as you called them) didn't have a good work ethic, etc.

You have constantly appeared to be very financially driven, talking incessantly about the area you live in now being a hole and the area you hope to move to (where your brother lives) being far superior. I think this got a lot of people's backs up, as this is really just down to personal preference, which you refused to take on board. Then there was the admission of your DB buying ponies and cars and putting deposits down on houses for your children. All posted with a bit of an air of entitlment. Then there was the fact that you (and your DB) can't forgive your DS for not stumping up the cash to send your DD to private school.

All of the above was then topped up with the fact that that you don't work, the reason being that you are "unemployable because you are probably autistic". And now your exe is also unemployable and the family are supporting both of you.

You have consistently talked about wanting to do the best for your children. And of course that is what any parent wants for their child. But you seem to be of the mindset that doing the best for your children equates to sending them to the best schools (and who cares who pays), and dishing out cars and ponies. But that is only a small part of being a parent. I would say that being a good parent is teaching and bringing up your children to be well-rounded and caring citizens. You do this by trying to be the best role model that you can.

I think that what people are trying to say is, despite the fact that you do obviously care for your children, what kind of role model are you and your exe being for your children? What values are you teaching them?

Excellent post, Rollergirl.

Dont. I would not get a job as a "Manager of a Pub , Restaurant chain".
They would not employ me ,as I have not come from a big chain and do not fit their mould.

A bit of light relief. I met DDs1 form tutor for a coffee last night, to discuss DD. It turns out she was an old flame of my brothers (whisper it quietly , Grammar School girl, Modern School boy). It had not occurred to her who DD was. We really hit off and are going out for a drink next Friday.

I thought I post this , since my whole life story has come out .Why Not?

Ok I get it. You see fit to respond when you think I'm insulting you but not when I spend some time giving you some realistic advice based on my area of expertise. I don't know why I bothered.

Haha, Smoke, well there's a turn-up!

Your comment about chain/tenanted pubs is accurate, btw. They like to take in younger candidates and train them in the corporate culture. I think the people most likely to overlook this factor are those who were, themselves, trained up by a corporation - it happens across virtually every industry nowadays. We have a small, local chain of gorgeous, niche pubs that emphasise individuality in their landlords - but actually, they only want one sort of 'individuality' or where would their brand personality be?

Taking on a free house is a very expensive risk these days, as you know.

FWIW, I thought Rollergirl made some valid points, but is perhaps expecting too radical a turn-around in the space of a few months!! If a soft landing's available while reworking one's life plan, I think it's usually a good idea to take it.

What a nice comment, tinkly

(whisper it quietly , Grammar School girl, Modern School boy).

Why are you so weirdly obsessed with what kind of school everyone goes to ? It's a running theme throughout every single thread you post on.

It really is very very odd. You talk about schools like you are discussing the Indian caste system.

Thank you for you Encouragement I loveSooty.

The problem though is my CV is about as much use as "Toilet Paper" and no matter how you play it would struggle to get employment as "Pot Washer".

The catering industry , despite having spent from the ages of 14-36 is finished for me. I have nothing to offer it (That's how the cookie crumble's ).

For the record I want to say my EX ran Bars and Nightclubs for Luminar leisure (regional manager) 45K PA before the industry collapsed in a heap after Labour introduced all day drinking and the anarchy that created.

He is now earning £200 per week with no (prospects) Would you be "Fucked" in your mind, or would you "NOT WAKE UP FROM YOUR SLEEP" if faced with the same problems.

I work with clients who have far more discouraging work histories than yours. Have you ever had your CV professionally looked at or received help with applications and SMART action planning?

The website Sooty referred to is nice. Here's a bit about transferable skills (OK, this is all entry-level stuff:)

...........................................

What are employers looking for?

As well as IT, numeracy and good communication skills, these are some of the common skills employers want their staff to have:

problem solving
organising
working to deadlines
management and leadership
negotiating
motivating people
making decisions
research skills.

In your job applications and interviews, employers will be really impressed if you can provide examples of when you used these skills in different jobs. This shows that you're adaptable and can bring useful skills to a job straight away.

...........................................

One point being that the above skills, which you can amply demonstrate, will turn into gold (hopefully) once you've got a new qualification. For the right employers, it could put you miles ahead of a 23-year-old graduate.

With that in mind, are you getting a grant for your OU course? If not, have a look here and see if there's anything you can use :)

This, however made me fall around laughing: on being an older worker -
Your years of experience in the workplace is highly valuable and you can use your knowledge and skills to find employment. Jobcentre Plus provides help and advice on jobs and training for people who can work.

Not in the real world, Gov.uk! You can tell they don't pay attention to their feedback!

And relevant volunteering really can be helpful in CV rebuilding and selling transferable skills. Everyone is more than just their work history

Garlic the quality of the adviser's intervention is crucial.
And I was nearer fifty than forty when I rebuilt my career. That surely is "real world" enough to evidence that it's possible.

Thank you .I love. My "CVs" have been with Specialist Catering Agencies for 10 years in case anything came up worthwhile leaving my family for. They have been professionally written by professional CV people.

The "CVs" do not contain my bizarre writing style but have been done in a very professional way.

Apologies Garlic
I should have read more carefully. I agree with you that Jobcentre Plus are unlikely to be useful.

Cheers, Sooty, I was almost worried about you there

If you're happy that your CV is correctly put together you need to address how you can get content in it which makes you more employable. At the moment you have a gap in your employment related activities which is set to get bigger unless you address it.

And the CV is only one part. Have you received specific focused help in tailoring applications to job specifications, or interview guidance including mock interviews and feedback?

Garlic. I am on Student Loans from Student Finance England at nearly 41!.
The First Module cost is £2632 that is what all 60 Credit courses cost in England with the OU.
The website Garlic you have linked is very useful and informative.
thank you.

My Internet Connection keeps going down when I post , hence why I am sometimes slow to respond.

I have managed to get EX to go on YO32 Access that I did last year.