To be very concerned that DD2 is now telling lies about me to her form Tutor.

[smokepole]

I know it seems like every week, that DD2 is up to something than she apologizes and says sorry. However, I am very angry with her now , I got a phone call from DDs form tutor telling me that she seen DD2 and friend Julie working round the town 'drinking' beer from a can with some 'undesirable' non 'grammar school' boys (expect to get flamed for that) on Friday night. They were both supposed to have been in the Cinema . The form teacher approached them and asked them what was in the can ( butter would not melt in the mouth) DD said the can was empty and 'would not ever drink alcohol' 'Lovely to see you miss ' . The form tutor was having nothing of it so pulled them both Monday morning , Julie admitted to drinking beer, DD still denied she had drunk any Alcohol. DD then burst in to tears saying I am throwing her out after she has done her GCSEs because I am moving to Cheshire and that she is not allowed to come. DD asked her form teacher ' can I stay with you miss for sixth form'.

I told DD about two weeks ago that we were moving to Trafford in July after her GCSEs and DS school year ends, she fluctuates from being ok to swearing and slamming bedroom doors. The main reason I am going is for DD2 and DS , to give them a better chance, there really is nothing for them on the Kent coast. The thing is I keep 'grounding ' her and taking 10% of her allowance of her , she then returns to being the loving caring daughter I know she is.

The form tutor has given DD and Julie a detention, Julie for drinking, DD one for lying. DDs form teacher is very concerned about DDS behaviour and why she is acting like a year 7 ( incidentally she was so focused in year 7 overcoming her difficulties) she never behaved anything like this. This is the reason why her form tutor is very 'fond' of her. The form tutor told DD that year 11 is 'not the right time' for this behaviour.

The reference was about running a business not being in employment.

Both of the examples you give is about you in an employees role not as someone who ran a business.

Oh and I got 8 U grades but found what I was good at when I left school. They didn't teach what I have a knack for in schools.

Actually it is only going to be DS if he can't get in the grammar school at year 10. DD2 should be able to get in the girls grammar for sixth form.

Rollergirl. It is highly probable with after the discussions and appointments that I have symptoms of Autism. Lets say I was found not to be Autistic , It would still not stop my Anxiety , Lack of understanding of facial Expressions, struggle to develop Sexual relationships, Never knowing when to stop talking on a phone, a likely hood of doing random stupid things for no reason lack of volume control when speaking , A breakdown when I cant do the easiest things for 10 minutes that results in 'Self Loathing'.

These are all Autistic traits.

Mandy. By the way I was the one who did the deals with the Brewery , was heavily involved arranging Overdraft limits with the banks signed cheques decided how we would use marketing and advertising. My role was pretty significant.

No they were not actually, but perhaps that's the only way you can understand them. What a shame.

Sorry miscellaneous. What do you mean ?

It is highly probable with after the discussions and appointments that I have symptoms of Autism. Lets say I was found not to be Autistic , It would still not stop my Anxiety , Lack of understanding of facial Expressions, struggle to develop Sexual relationships, Never knowing when to stop talking on a phone, a likely hood of doing random stupid things for no reason lack of volume control when speaking , A breakdown when I cant do the easiest things for 10 minutes that results in 'Self Loathing'

Not to mention your difficulties in finding employment, being self reliant and building positive relationships with your children.

Until you are diagnosed you simply can't say that all these difficulties are due to autism.

Miscellaneous, it is pointless reporting a post if you are then going to quote it verbatim in your own message.

Not all of the difficulties are due to Autism but a lot of it is.

I have not been diagnosed before because, I did not want or need a 'label'. when DD2 was diagnosed with Dyspraxia the specialist suggested I should get tested. I shrugged it off and tried to behave in a normal manner, or my interpretation of that. I am on Citalopram at the moment, everything around me just seems to be spinning out of my control.

The crimes that took place against the business and me were not petty, It is not a petty crime when someone Shoots a Customer in the leg outside one of your pubs. It is similarly not petty when a masked man puts a Knife to your thought when you are counting cash in an Amusement Arcade. It is also not very pleasant getting threatening phone calls at 3AM every Saturday night.

I was able to deal with them at the time probably better than the vast majority of people, you develop different coping strategies than non autistic people. The downside is after you have dealt with the initial shock better than most people, the downtime is three times worse.

I am unable to realistically earn enough money to bring up three children (Ok 2 Children 1 at University) I would in all probability not be able to cope working for a 'Super Market' for instance , I certainly would struggle with a 37 hour week working for someone else.

Therefore would people on this thread prefer that the 'State' support me and my children though FSM, Pupil Premium Tax Credits or that my Family support us.

Throat. Sorry

hahaha at Veritata

Where is your children's father in all this? Doesn't he support you/them at all?

I findi if hard to believe that with the business background you say you have, you would struggle to cope with working in a supermarket.

The Father is a nice guy but contributes little in terms of finance or monetary support. DD1 lived with him Monday-Friday when she was at school.

There is one thing working for yourself or family (in a position where you make the rules and your Idiosyncrasies don't bring you in to conflict with Managers) and working in a environment, where you are either going to be sacked for having conflict with staff or management.

Anyway lets assume I managed to work 37 hours a week on about £7 PH that's £296 Per week , I would need Tax credits to survive and provide for my children.( I don't know how they work because I have never had £1 of benefit in my life.

Coming back to the father of my children, he was at school with me and in many ways saw me as a way to a better life. At school it appeared to many that I had a great life, nice holidays big house land 'PONY', expensive cars. Some of the teachers joked that I 'would never have to work'. EX is not a particular bright person and drifts from job to job, needing 'top' ups from Me and my family. The house he lives in is owned by Mum and Dad, he does not pay any Rent because Mum and Dad want the house available at all times for the kids. The only requirement for him is to be a caring loving and reasonable parent, who acts in his children's best interests. We have nothing in common with each other, though we are friends with each other.

or upset a customer.

The picture I get of you, Smoke, is someone who grew up in the school of hard knocks, despite your family's relative wealth - it was gained from a 24/7 type of business: not exactly idle luxury. Some of your ideas seem exceptionally rigid, and your communication style is idiosyncratic. Both these factors must make it difficult to operate in normal life, but aren't necessarily indicative of a disability. I meet the criteria for dyspraxia, but am pretty sure this is due to my strange upbringing - which left me with inadequate personal boundaries - and assorted mental & physical health issues. In any case, as you say, there's not a whole lot of point in getting an adult diagnosis.

I also ran some rough pubs in my youth - very successfully - and can confirm that being very forthright, tough, and having odd boundaries were advantages in that environment. In most other milieux, the same qualities come over as odd. I do feel (and that's all it is: a feeling) it's the right time for you, now, to mellow out and learn some more about how 'normal' people get along in life. Your OU course should be a big help here - not only for the additional tutoring in expressing your thoughts clearly, but also because your chosen subjects will force more flexibility in understanding social issues.

As to your planned dependence on your brother: I'm not convinced this is the best way to teach your DC independence, but we all do the best we're able to, in any given situation.

What?!! Your ex lives rent free in a house owned by your parents and he supplements his wages with top ups from your family?

Are you lot for real?

Veritata ahem. Oh dear! Have reported my own thread. Kicks foot into mouth and ball into own goal and other assorted imagery...

And, OP, my previous post was directed at another post which id found rather unpleasant - all sorted now, sorry it got confusing :)

Oh for goodness sake - 'I've reported my own post', not 'thread'

Sleep deprived, not showing at all is it?!

Thank you Garlic for your considered post. Catering in general is a very odd industry, more so the Late Night industry. Dealing with Drunks and Drug takers at 2 in the morning requires to be very rigid and a 'one dimensional '
approach to dealing with it , apart from dealing with the biggest Gangster in town who needs to think you like him and get him to control his own lot I.E make him think he is special.

I am glad you recognize How 'bloody hard' the Entertainment industry is, yeah I got a Porsche for my 23rd Birthday but at what cost. The cost being tied to a family business for years that drained your self worth as a person and never being able to get to sleep for fear of something drastically going wrong. Continual looking over your shoulder when taking money to the bank, all in all it creates a fear of anything different or done not the way you would do it.
This along with self -esteem issues makes it extremely difficult to cut the umbilical cord from your parents and family.

Yes, I once sweet-talked the Mafia into going away instead of torching my club Not 'normal' experiences by any means!

My point was that usually people who are obsessed with money or status are often that way because they grew up in poverty or some kind of deprivation. This does not seem to be the case.

I am not obsessed with money and status.

Garlic. It is though the right industry for anyone with 'Tourette's' who likes chewing Gum and a Curry at 3Am.

Dont Drink. Well he is the father of my children, he has to be helped.

He had to give up his BMW though when we Divorced 10 years ago.
He would not walk away without having the use of a house in Whitstable rent free we agreed instead of giving him a lump sum of money.

Add message | Report | Message poster smokepole Mon 15-Sep-14 20:46:59
I am not obsessed with money and status.

Your posts on this thread would suggest otherwise.