To be annoyed , even outraged that my 9 year old came home from school with this book?

[babyiwantabump]

I really don't know if I am bu as I know they are educating children about things younger these days but DD ,aged 9 ,on her second day in year 5 ,has today come home having chosen a book from the reading selection in the classroom .

The book she has chosen is AIDS orphan.

The book describes HIV and AIDS which is fair enough but it also discusses rape , prostitution , injecting drugs such as cocaine and heroin etc .

I'm really annoyed (fuming!!)with the school .
The leader of homework club is the one who told me that DD had the book as she had asked the teacher what a condom was as it also discusses the use of condoms ( especially during anal sex !!) she was concerned about the book and she didn't feel it appropriate for a 9 year old either.

I just need to know if I am BU before I go in on Monday to discuss with DD's teacher and headmaster about the book .

I know children need to learn but I haven't even had the proper sex talk(she has been told the basics ) with DD yet and she is having further issues like this thrust at her first! She's a child!!

Thanks if you've read this far.

Candy if you bothered to read my posts TO the OP you would see that overall I understood her point and could see where she was coming from - you seem to be looking to be offended by things that aren't there

good night

vrocket it's just horrid isn't it - he said it was then that he realised her had to get out of the job he was in (police related) as it was invading everything

Please don't let your heart break - I am fine - grown up and happy and I used my experience to go on and work with others in a really positive way x

I am not advocating discussing anything in a graphic way. I really do wish people would discuss reasonably instead of adding sharp little add ons to their posts which are clearly aimed at people who disagree with the majority and are just trying to offer an alternative point of view. There are some people on here who have shared some very painful stories.

Anne Frank is 'The Diary of a Young Girl' in extraordinary circumstances. It does not cover the end of her life after she and her family were arrested and deported. There is fear and the frustration of being isolated and living in an overcrowded attic, and sadness. But the brutality of the camps does not come into it.
And while many children read it in primary school, most do not grasp it from an emotional pov. A good few do not even read it through all the way to the end because it doesn't have the features of literature for children that are designed to keep pages turning (for instance in Harry Potter). It's a more rewarding read for older teens and adults, imo.

candy I never said you were prudish. ,sorry if it came across they way. Like I said before I would love dd2 to stay in her bubble but in real RL that's not always an option.

Knowledge is king. To deny our kids that is a travesty.

Night gordy.

Oh and whoever said your views cloud your judgement is full of shit, everyone parents differently.

night all x

Difference is what makes us so interesting x

Yup! :)

My dd is yr 5 and I would be horrified if she came home with this book.
Yes bad things happen in the world but that doesnt mean she needs to know about them until she needs to/is ready.
She knows about babies as her aunt has just had one. As far as she is aware you have babies when you are in a loving relationship.
She knows her body is private and belongs to her. Nobody has the right to touch her unless she allows them.
She knows that secrets are bad.
She trusts us to take care of her and protect her.
I do not believe that this book would add any value to her life at the moment. I would hope that she would not have to discover these things by herself without guidance and would be furious with the school for allowing this to happen.
Yanbu

She also thought that all sex workers have sex to get heroin and cocaine to inject themselves with

Well, she's not too far off with that one.

I wouldn't let 9 year old DD read a book like that. A child can only really understand sex and rape from a clinical perspective. You can tell them what it is, but they won't understand it past being able to parrot a definition until they hit puberty and start understand their own body autonomy.

I read "A Time to Kill" at age 10, and didn't understand the full implications of what happened to the man's daughter until I was in high school. It was a good book, but I certainly didn't understand what it fully meant as a child, it was a very simplistic view of revenge like any action movie I watched.

Anyway, your daughter has her entire life to be a cynical bitter old woman like that rest of us. No need to start her early. :)

I agree with Molly's post -utter horse shit and insulting to think it clouds your views.

Gordy - don't know what else to say apart from I'm glad you're ok, and managed to use your absolutely awful experience to help others. X x x

And babyiwantabump, do let us know if you talk to DDs teacher and what they say. It's definitely the right thing to do. As others have said they may not be aware of the books contents, and that way they can discuss the book with parents beforehand to make sure parents are comfortable with their kids reading it. Or they might just remove it.
I also hope that it ends up working out ok for your DD, Good luck x

Bulb-knowledge doesn't have to make you bitter.

Bulb-knowledge doesn't have to make you bitter.

Was just a light hearted statement, hence the smiley.

My point was, she has her entire adult life ahead of her to understand that the world isn't fair and monsters walk around in broad day light instead of skulking in your closet at night.

You can still talk about how kids their own age are less fortunate than them, without delving into abuse.

I don't think it's insulting to wonder whether extreme sexual assault at a very young age has had an effect on the person as an adult and how they decide to parent their own child.

However, since gordy's explained why she has told her children, it's clear it's not the first reason that maybe springs to mind that she's telling them because she's desensitized to the subject and doesn't realise it's inappropriate for younger children, but rather that it's her way of protecting them from what happened to her.

I'm actually surprised by how much sense it makes to me, even though it's not a road I'd take myself, I can totally see why she might do it (if done in an age appropriate way).

What I found insulting was the wording.

Maybe it's just me but to say being a survivor would 'cloud' a persons judgement when it comes to a topic like this is dismissive.

'Maybe it's just me but to say being a survivor would 'cloud' a persons judgement when it comes to a topic like this is dismissive.'

Isn't it inevitable Molly?

How could it not affect how you think about what you want for your own children and how you can go about achieving that?

It's not minimizing or discrediting what happened to gordy.

I don't necessarily think this is right, but it's only a short step from thinking that gordy's minority view is down to the disturbing experiences that only a minority of children have to suffer.

I agree with you Agent but as I said it's the wording. I am no pendant (clearly) however I feel cloud is the wrong word. Influence, maybe?

Clouding of judgements implies lack of understanding outside of ourselves and I didn't get that from what gordy posted.

In fact me and her have opposing opinions. :o

Pedant.

Oh bum, I could blame auto-correct but that was all me. In my defence I had a brain fart and it sounded right.

I think influence or even inspire would be a better choice of word than cloud. Cloud implies a muddling or some other negative aspect of judgement.

I think Yabu op. I would hope any child would know about these issues before this age, especially rape.
If some of it goes over their head they can just read more as they get older. I think knowing about the world is vitally important. What will knowing these things do to them that is negative iyo? Chat with them about the book, answer any questions. It's a great learning opportunity.

"What will knowing these things do to them that is negative iyo?"

Can't answer for the OP's dd, but if I had read that book aged 9, it would have haunted my dreams and made me more fearful in the day. I read a very age-inappropriate book around that age, and that's pretty much what happened to me.

My DS is a sensitive child - he already suffers from fears around dying aged 6, I don't quite know why as no one he knows has died yet - if he read a book like that it would also cause him problems.

Not all children are able to read something, go "ok then" and move on from it.

And I see absolutely no reason why every child should know about rape before they're 9 - good god! I understand that some people like to be completely honest about every aspect of life, horrifying as some of it is, and that's their way but no way am I doing that to my children. They'll find out about horrifying stuff soon enough from watching the news (which we do) and asking questions when they feel they want to know the answers.

They're already taught to keep themselves to themselves and that no one else has any right to touch their private parts, that they need to tell me if anyone attempts such a thing (or their teacher) and that they mustn't touch anyone else's privates either. As they get bigger, that message will get modified appropriately.

To me this is like teaching first line science - you don't go into all the complexities and variations to get the basics of understanding across, you start with understanding-appropriate level of what happens, and as they get older you add in the modifiers.

Each to their own but I see no point in being outraged that some children aged 9 don't know what rape is. I'd be more upset if many of them did.

Agree with Thumbwitch .

Book is very graphic. This is not how I wanted my daughter to find out about such issues .

I wanted to protect her from it maybe for at least a few more years.

She knew age appropriate stuff - this was not age appropriate .

Maybe a great learning opportunity if I had been able to facilitate the learning .

My dd age 6 came home last year with a book about children being gunned down in a terrorist attack, it was a true story inc photos. I whisked the book away as soon as I realised. I noticed the book was 27 years old and had probably languished in the school library for years, dd had chosen it herself. I took it to the TA and she binned it. I wouldn't have escalated to the HT.
Remove the book and discuss with teacher on Monday.

According to the NSPCC, 1 in 20 children are raped or sexually abused, so this is not an uncommon experience.