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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed , even outraged that my 9 year old came home from school with this book?

227 replies

babyiwantabump · 05/09/2014 21:53

I really don't know if I am bu as I know they are educating children about things younger these days but DD ,aged 9 ,on her second day in year 5 ,has today come home having chosen a book from the reading selection in the classroom .

The book she has chosen is AIDS orphan.

The book describes HIV and AIDS which is fair enough but it also discusses rape , prostitution , injecting drugs such as cocaine and heroin etc .

I'm really annoyed (fuming!!)with the school .
The leader of homework club is the one who told me that DD had the book as she had asked the teacher what a condom was as it also discusses the use of condoms ( especially during anal sex !!) she was concerned about the book and she didn't feel it appropriate for a 9 year old either.

I just need to know if I am BU before I go in on Monday to discuss with DD's teacher and headmaster about the book .

I know children need to learn but I haven't even had the proper sex talk(she has been told the basics ) with DD yet and she is having further issues like this thrust at her first! She's a child!!

Thanks if you've read this far.

OP posts:
mommy2ash · 05/09/2014 22:06

I'm fully aware I'm probably old fashioned and over protective but do nine year olds need to know about aids? I wouldn't be happy with that book being in the classroom for free reading

Original poster
babyiwantabump · 05/09/2014 22:06

It was taken from the library selection in her classroom . The children are free to select books from there as they wish .

OP posts:
tippytappywriter · 05/09/2014 22:06

Speak to the class teacher first. My similarly aged dd has independently asked about many of these things because of talk in the playground. I was quite shocked but answered as plainly and best I could. Maybe look at the book together and ask your daughter why she chose that one and read the bits are appropriate for her understanding?

MollyHooper · 05/09/2014 22:07

gordy, having had a look at the book online I can tell you that the OP was not exaggerating.

gordyslovesheep · 05/09/2014 22:07

she's 9 - she's choosing to read it - maybe she's letting you know it's time to talk about this stuff

if you are concerned talk to the teacher - but having read the bits on Amazon I don't see it as inappropriate - I would have been happy for my 2 big ones to read that at 9 - and we would have talked about it together to cover any questions. They have a close 'aunt' who works for an AIDS and HIV charity and I have always been open and frank about sex etc with them so I doubt they'd be shocked by it

Elderflowergranita · 05/09/2014 22:08

That book is quite advanced for a nine year old. I would think it more suitable for 12/13 year olds.

That's based on my viewing of it on Amazon.

rideyourbike · 05/09/2014 22:08

That doesn't sound right at all. Last year in year 1, my daughter brought home a book of natural and man made disasters. I was holding back tears as she read to me and she was quite upset too.we took it back the next day and I explained how inappropriate it was!

gordyslovesheep · 05/09/2014 22:09

Molly I have x Maybe I am more open than most but we listen to the news in the car and watch it on TV and the girls have been raised to ask questions and discuss things - they all knew the facts of life by 4/5 so I would have been okay with them reading it

I know everyone is different though x

Ziggyzoom · 05/09/2014 22:10

I am another parent who is fairly open and honest with my DD's. My eldest is 8 1/2 and while I would answer questions honestly about all of these subjects - if she brought them up - I would not feel it appropriate to sit down with a book with all of this content and expect her to absorb it.

Elderflowergranita · 05/09/2014 22:11

Or maybe Gordy she simply picked the book off the shelf without realising its content?

Don't think many 9 year olds are chatting about the more detailed aspects of the aids epidemic.

MrsCurrent · 05/09/2014 22:12

Absolutely no way that is acceptable. Also have DC in Y5 and I would be kicking off something chronic if this book came home. I'm not an overprotective mother, I'll answer any question he has honestly (and he will ask) but this is far too old. Even if this was ks3 there are ways to understand the aids issue without explaining rape or how drugs are used.

MollyHooper · 05/09/2014 22:12

HIV and Sex

The most common method of catching HIV is through sex without a condom. Prostitutes ( or sex workers) are particularly vulnerable to catching and passing on the virus. Prostitution is illegal in most countries including South Africa. This means sex workers have few legal and social rights, and are often forced to operate in secret.

There are some very dangerous myths believed by an alarmingly high number of people about how aids can be cured. One of these beliefs is that sex with a virgin can cure someone infected with HIV. This has provoked many acts of rape against young women and girls. The consequences of this is that if the attacker is HIV positive, there is a high chance that the rape victim will become infected with the virus, too.

gordyslovesheep · 05/09/2014 22:14

maybe - but if it was my 9 year old I would let her read it - she chose it - and if I was worried about the content I would talk to her about it or read it with her

My kids do ask about world issues - from watching TV and reading papers and things like Comic Relief - plus my job which they ask about a lot - they want to know about the world - but I was raised in a similar household

londonrach · 05/09/2014 22:15

Did she choose it?

AgentZigzag · 05/09/2014 22:16

'maybe she's more open minded than you?'

Fucking miaow.

If you're going to let a 9 YO in on the situations that can go alongside HIV/AIDS, then you have to set it up for them.

Not leave them to work through what rape and anal sex is all by themselves.

If they'd been abused it could cause untold damage.

bellarations · 05/09/2014 22:16

I agree it's too much info too soon, I would show the book to her teacher on Monday and wait with interest for her reaction.
Good for your Gordy, you do however appear to be in the minority.

MollyHooper · 05/09/2014 22:16

Sorry, key bored went funny.

That's an extract from the book, I would say that sort of content would be more appropriate for secondary school rather than 9 yos.

AgentZigzag · 05/09/2014 22:17

She can't have known what she was letting herself in for even if she did choose it herself.

I presume she trusted the school only to let her have books that are OK for her age group.

Terrierterror · 05/09/2014 22:17

It looks like a yr7+ kind of book to me.

gordyslovesheep · 05/09/2014 22:18

Oh I'm used to being in the minority Grin

Original poster
babyiwantabump · 05/09/2014 22:19

I just feel like I don't want her knowing about things like injecting heroin or rape or prostitution yet - what's wrong with letting children be children ?

I'm no prude , and I answered her questions. I just feel she should have been a little older .

I also know that if it would have been another child that had taken the book home there would be outrage .
I'm one of the more laid back parents . Hence the need for me to ask AIBU .

OP posts:
MamaPain · 05/09/2014 22:19

I've just read the entire 'look inside' section online, nothing I would be unhappy with.

9 year old already knows what condoms are also knows how gay people have sex.

Prostitutes would raise questions but nothing I wouldn't answer.

gordyslovesheep · 05/09/2014 22:20

you know your child best OP - talk to the teacher

I'm not saying you are totally wrong - I just wouldn't feel the same

it would be dull if we where all the same ...and you did ask

wheresthelight · 05/09/2014 22:21

depends if she was told to pic a library book or it is on a reading scheme. if it's a library free reader style book then it's not really the teachers fault.

I would pop in for a quiet word rather than going to the head tbh

Original poster
babyiwantabump · 05/09/2014 22:21

She chose it . But she could have chosen any number of books - she just picked it off the shelf in the classroom .

She didn't choose it because it was about AIDS iykwim.

OP posts: