To be annoyed , even outraged that my 9 year old came home from school with this book?

[babyiwantabump]

I really don't know if I am bu as I know they are educating children about things younger these days but DD ,aged 9 ,on her second day in year 5 ,has today come home having chosen a book from the reading selection in the classroom .

The book she has chosen is AIDS orphan.

The book describes HIV and AIDS which is fair enough but it also discusses rape , prostitution , injecting drugs such as cocaine and heroin etc .

I'm really annoyed (fuming!!)with the school .
The leader of homework club is the one who told me that DD had the book as she had asked the teacher what a condom was as it also discusses the use of condoms ( especially during anal sex !!) she was concerned about the book and she didn't feel it appropriate for a 9 year old either.

I just need to know if I am BU before I go in on Monday to discuss with DD's teacher and headmaster about the book .

I know children need to learn but I haven't even had the proper sex talk(she has been told the basics ) with DD yet and she is having further issues like this thrust at her first! She's a child!!

Thanks if you've read this far.

have you read the book then

What's wrong with pretending life is safe for a 9 year old FFS! Why do they need to know all the awful things about the world as a child, might as well sit my 6 year old DD down and tell her Santa isn't real, save her the disappointment of finding out later and toughen her up abit, what's wrong with being naive and feeling safe when you are a child? I certainly wasn't brought up knowing about the horrors of the world and I don't think it's made me any less of a well rounded adult!

This with bells on

Looking at the pages available on Amazon I would say Trainspotting was much more graphic and with far worse language

I suspect you are trying to make an adult film equal to a book for pre teens ..which would be strange

You discussed rape and prostitution in-depth before your DC were 9 gordy?

Wow.

That would be totally inappropriate for a young child, which is why children who have been abused have to have so much support. Why didn't you feel the need to try and shield them from the harsher realities of life unless it was totally necessary and at an age you know they can deal with it?

They just don't have enough experience and knowledge to be able to rationalise such huge subjects so they don't get weighed down worrying about it constantly.

I would be happy for my 11 year old DD to read it, but I certainly would not have been happy for her to read it at 9. She wouldn't have been ready for those concepts at all. I've always been very open and honest with her about stuff, but whilst she's known the facts of life and lots of biology etc since she was very young, she didn't really understand at 9 the concept of sex for pleasure/recreation. To bring in the concept of violent sexual assaults, prostitution and rape, at that age, would have been completely inappropriate. She has matured hugely in the last two years, and is now more aware of this stuff, and the horrors of what humans do to each other.

YANBU OP - I'd be fuming.

I am not especially shocked by the content of this book. I think at the point I am at as a parent, having DD12, DS10 and DS6 I can see how a book of this nature would be useful and relevant in answering many of their questions. My DN is 10 and my brother and his partner have a friend who has had HIV for many years and they are extremely close to. I think a book such as this opens so many avenues of discussion. Children find out this information and it can empower them. It is aimed at KS2 which a nine year old is.

They are exposed to so many horrors just via the news. My children have asked me questions about the recent murders of journalists. They know, they read and school is the perfect place to discuss such matters in a safe and controlled environment. So, my response would be to keep it calm, see the teacher and ask about the relevance of the book to their current learning. I am guessing he is year 5 so all of these issues will be covered in PSHE regardless in year 6.

I wish I had know what rape was when it happened to me - age 4

sorry I'm not trying to 'win' the internet with that statement but I hate all this 'robbing them of their childhood' shite - I'd much rather have been able to name what happened than to slowly discover what it was and that it was shameful and dirty

Children, sadly, don't all have magical childhoods - some kids have AIDS and HIV and shit families - maybe they need to be considered as well

It's not a huge leap of a comparison.

My 9 year old's imagination is vast and put an idea in their head and they fixate on it, it grows, it distorts, they ask questions want to know more, can't always handle the answers because they're 9...they may as well watch trainspotting!

YANBU and as a poster said it was for older children i'd be asking the school why they had the book.
if they didn't know it was there or the content I'd be onto the governors, because they should know.

gordy sorry to hear you went through that and I suspect that may cloud your views and how you are bringing your children up.

The world is not all bad, children deserve to have some innocence and 9 year olds are children and need looking after

I know people who had shit childhoods and the last thing they want to read about is shit childhoods...

it really doesn't 'cloud my views' at all - I work within child protection and I think it's a sensible approach to arm kids with facts to enable them to voice concerns and ask for help etc

My children still have a magical childhood

There really are no words as to how awful that is gordy, sorry that happened to you.

(In the most non-yesyouwontheinternet way)

I finally told my mum when I was 16, Ididn't because there was a program on (That's Life) and they where setting up Childline 'reading' or in my case hearing about abuse gave me the courage to speak up ...and a name for what happened - I think it's not good to pretend these things don't exist

I wouldn't think this would be suitable for my nearly 9 year old, she would find it confusing and probably doesn't have enough knowledge about sex and relationships to make sense of any of it, plus I remember being very confused myself up til my early teens about some of the information I'd been told about periods, sex and so on, even though my mum was always very open with me. She would also find it overwhelmingly distressing. My nearly eleven year old could probably handle the reading matter but I wouldn't suggest she seek it out, again, she's sensible but not mature enough to make sense of people paying for sex (which she is a little confused about the purpose of, not having hit the hormones herself yet and knowing the mechanics but not understanding the rest).

I agree with needing the facts and being able to voice their opinions and fully support the NSPCC's PANTS campaign however am of the belief facts should be age appropriate

Just because some, a minority, of children are exposed to hard drugs and sexual violence doesn't mean all need to know the ins and outs of it.

I work in a similar field and it's very easy to slip into a mode of thinking that your clients represent the majority of the public, they don't, they're a minority

Molly don't be sorry - I am fine - I survived and I am 100% okay x Thanks though x

I'm not saying my view is more valid because of my experiences - maybe just explaining where I am coming from.

She didn't really ask any questions . She more like - made assumptions - from what she had read in the book combined with the dictionary .

For example : she thought condoms were put on the mans penis and they helped you get pregnant . I corrected her and explained there correct use .

She also thought that all sex workers have sex to get heroin and cocaine to inject themselves with .

I think my main issue is this really - she has read it alone without someone to explain things or her even being old enough to understand .so she has taken things in wrong - which could be scarier and things could be completely twisted /blown out of proportion/taken too lightly as she is too young to fully comprehend some - no all - of the issues in the book.

YANBU if it was deliberately and carefully chosen by the teacher (which is unlikely)I would raise merry hell. Gordy you have made your opinions crystal clear, but you seem to be in a minority, we can answer our DC's questions as best we can, but we do not have to introduce all the gritty stuff at such a young age, we really do not......

Skimmed the thread and one thing I would mention is that, assuming you are in England, schools have only just gone back. It could well be that the teacher is new to the classroom and isn't familiar with the books on the shelf.

Don't get the head involved, go and see the teacher.

I get you OP - I think it's a shame she couldn't read it with you - I agree YANBU about that

I don't think feeling safe and being naive are the same thing. My children know they are safe, they feel safe, but that doesn't mean they can't be aware so many others are not as fortunate.

I think too many people have an idealised version of this 'mythical' thing called childhood. Being informed doesn't detract from having a good childhood or being safe and secure.

Kids have been sneakily reading their parents books for years and reading things deemed inappropriate that they are perfectly capable of understanding without being, heaven forbid, upset.

An interestingly, for geography its ks3.