To be annoyed , even outraged that my 9 year old came home from school with this book?

[babyiwantabump]

I really don't know if I am bu as I know they are educating children about things younger these days but DD ,aged 9 ,on her second day in year 5 ,has today come home having chosen a book from the reading selection in the classroom .

The book she has chosen is AIDS orphan.

The book describes HIV and AIDS which is fair enough but it also discusses rape , prostitution , injecting drugs such as cocaine and heroin etc .

I'm really annoyed (fuming!!)with the school .
The leader of homework club is the one who told me that DD had the book as she had asked the teacher what a condom was as it also discusses the use of condoms ( especially during anal sex !!) she was concerned about the book and she didn't feel it appropriate for a 9 year old either.

I just need to know if I am BU before I go in on Monday to discuss with DD's teacher and headmaster about the book .

I know children need to learn but I haven't even had the proper sex talk(she has been told the basics ) with DD yet and she is having further issues like this thrust at her first! She's a child!!

Thanks if you've read this far.

I'm genuinely sorry you had to experience that gordy, and I can see what you're saying about giving them the tools so they can take a bit of power/control away from their abusers.

But it has to be in an age appropriate way, and I don't believe (or don't want to believe) that you told them the ins/outs of rape and abuse in the same way you'd tell another adult.

Letting 9 YOs have access to this level of detail is a breach of trust, the OP and her DD trusted the school to only allow her to take out books with subjects she definitely has the tools to deal with, and just going on her age, she may not have those.

If she does or doesn't is really up to the OP to decide when it's this age and this subject.

Candy - I know I am in the minority ...not sure why thats bad or why you seem peeved with me for it

If we would have been able to read it together I think it would have been better . I would have been able to explain things without her first exposure to these issues being (possibly ) terrifying to her!

Absolutely. And I'm sorry you didn't get the chance. All you can do now is 'mop the mess up'

I've just spoken to dp about this thread and he is dead set against children having early sexual education at that age. But as some one that was abused at seven by a family member I really wished I had some knowledge of what was going on. I actually went on to be abused by two more separate extended family members - unrelated by the time I was ten.

Agent I talked to my my DD1 about rape as much as you can around that time, obviously not as graphic and as sensitive as I could. She was not distressed or upset. I think it's all about the delivery of how You approaching it. These things do need to discussed.

idid I completely understand what your saying about letting children be children. I genuinely do. But not all children are safe.

Sexually education needs to be started in nursary.

Nursery*

I absolutely get why you brought it up, your post made a lot of sense to me.

Glad it helped a bit, babyiwantabump.
I totally understand why you would feel that way, as I said I DID change my mind after thinking about it, but obviously because I was now AWARE of it/could give it some thought
That you were not aware, and now have to have some really honest conversations without warning as a result really isn't fair on you.
Had you have known as you said you would have at least had the chance to prepare DC beforehand.
I think the fact that it's part of my mates degree just goes to show how much controversy there is about it.

If posters think 9 is too young, would they be happy for their 11 year old to read it? What age is too young and "robbing them of innocence."? You can answer questions in a way that does not freak them out you know. Children do need to know about these issues. Why shouldn't they read about someones "shit childhood"? Plenty of childrens books cover really awful subject matters, child labour, concentration camps, parental death etc that are read routinely in in primary school. What's so different about this one?

I agree Anotherchapter x

Thanks Molly x

Yep she only went back on Thursday . This was her second day in year 5 .

And yes I will be speaking to the teacher - the head will probably be involved too though as is a small school and he is nice and just gets involved ! Not in a bad way - I won't be involving him to make more trouble for the teacher iyswim.

My fecking browser is being so slow to post I keep x posting with everyone.

Sorry for my wording indelikate but she basically doesn't know that a penis goes in a vagina let alone any other orifice - which is what I meant by he doesn't know about normal sex let alone etc.

My four year old knows this!

Children come to subjects in their own time in my experience and when their curiosity is piqued they'll find out about it

At the moment my 9 year old is obsessed with fashion and is starting to become interested in boys. We've had brief chats based on what she wants to know. She's said she wants babies and she knows the basic biology from reading some books but she doesn't want to know the rest. She's still at the usbourne 'this is a boy he has a penis this is a girl she has a vagina' stage.

The book being discussed would quite frankly scare her.

The last thing I want to do is make my child fearful of living her life and I feel from what I've seen of this book it would do thag

Mamapain the book was not suitable for Primary School, the school should acknowledge this and send it on to the local Secondary School and let the children enjoy their childhood. Some schools seem more keen on banning childish pursuits like conkers or hop scotch (our DC's school) the unsuitable reading material.

gordy cross post. iPad so slow tonight. Completely get where your coming from.

Tbh speaking to my friends and the women's group I work with I know sexual abuse is much much much more common than people believe.

Knowledge is power. It's the delivery that counts.

My 7 year old doesn't.

He's never asked or showed even the slightest bit of interest.

To ItsAllGoingToBeFine.

Yes to bear

Itsallgoingtobefine

I had chosen not to discuss sex with her yet . She knows that a man and woman have sex to make a baby . She knows That a man has a penis and a woman a vagina . But she didn't know the mechanics . She knew enough as I thought appropriate and had prepared her for .

She knows where babies come from as she saw it first hand at my home birth .
So I'm not a prude I just didn't think the kind of information she was reading and discovering on her own was appropriate .

Hate conkers, should definitely ban that.

Don't make blanket rules for all children which are dependent on your prudish, oversensitive opinions. They aren't suitable for mine or my kind of parenting. I don't desire my children to live their early years in a world of unicorns and victorian-esque fantasy where sex, drugs, violence or any unpleasantness doesn't exist. Those things are real and I want my DC to be aware so they can make informed decisions and also be aware of how lucky and fortunate they are.

Don't think the AIDS orphan gets the luxury of knowing it's all hypothetical for her and she can go to bed safe and well in a decent home with her parents and the expectations she may live a long, happy life.

Meant that as a response to Candy, not aimed at all.

She never really asked how the baby got in there to be honest - hence why she doesn't know the mechanics .

My dd is 8 and has shown no interest in talking about anything to do with sex. There is no way I would want her to read something like that.

mama excruciatingly blunt - but I agree .