Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed , even outraged that my 9 year old came home from school with this book?

227 replies

babyiwantabump · 05/09/2014 21:53

I really don't know if I am bu as I know they are educating children about things younger these days but DD ,aged 9 ,on her second day in year 5 ,has today come home having chosen a book from the reading selection in the classroom .

The book she has chosen is AIDS orphan.

The book describes HIV and AIDS which is fair enough but it also discusses rape , prostitution , injecting drugs such as cocaine and heroin etc .

I'm really annoyed (fuming!!)with the school .
The leader of homework club is the one who told me that DD had the book as she had asked the teacher what a condom was as it also discusses the use of condoms ( especially during anal sex !!) she was concerned about the book and she didn't feel it appropriate for a 9 year old either.

I just need to know if I am BU before I go in on Monday to discuss with DD's teacher and headmaster about the book .

I know children need to learn but I haven't even had the proper sex talk(she has been told the basics ) with DD yet and she is having further issues like this thrust at her first! She's a child!!

Thanks if you've read this far.

OP posts:
MollyHooper · 05/09/2014 22:22

I don't think it has anything to do with open or closed mindedness, the majority of 9 yos wouldn't really be capable of digesting the information in the book the way it's supposed to be.

Quite rightly so at that age. It will either go over their heads, confuse them or upset them.

MollyHooper · 05/09/2014 22:24

Would you really be happy explaining the rape of virgins to a 9 yo Mama? And why the men think it's supposed to cure HIV?

SixImpossible · 05/09/2014 22:25

YANBU

I have always been open with my dc, answered any questions as they arose, and had The Talk with them in the summer between Y3 and Y4. Many of my friends with similar age children did not talk to their dc about sex until even later.

My friends consider me very liberal in my appproach, but I would not be happy for my dc to be reading about rape, prostituion and anal sex in Y5.

Only when children have a good grasp of the loving, respectful, mutual aspect of sex, should they begin to learn about the darker side. And they should certainly not be getting all that information in one whammy! It should be trickled in, introduced slowly, gently, one thing at a time, just as with learning about the neutral and the positive aspects of sexual behaviour.

bellarations · 05/09/2014 22:26

Some thing's will be rather horrible to learn, IMO at 9 yo I do not think most dc are mature enough to understand the book, dc who appear to be ok probably dont understand it's meaning. It will be just words iyswim.
It's awful. I'd be very annoyed, yanbu.

gordyslovesheep · 05/09/2014 22:27

but at 9 mine knew that rape was making someone have sex when they didn't want to ...so it would be moot

we all approach things differently - maybe the OP could ask why she chose that book? and take it from there

wheresthelight · 05/09/2014 22:27

if she chose it then yab a little u to be cross, I would pop in on Monday and show the teacher as she/he may not have seen it and may not have realised the extent of the content and will probably apoplectic when they realise!

AnguaResurgam · 05/09/2014 22:27

On the 'books for keeps' site, it's age rated 10-14, suitable for middle and secondary schools.

From the preview of content, I think it's a book which should not be readily available in the classroom reading selection in a primary school.

Wheresmypassport · 05/09/2014 22:28

I wouldn't be happy with my 9 yr old DS reading things like that, not appropriate at all, all children mature at a different rate, but I can't think of any scenario that a 9 year old would have to be well informed re anal sex and rape! Talk to the teacher definitely.

Original poster
babyiwantabump · 05/09/2014 22:29

Sorry can't keep up with thread but this :

Just because it was written for KS2/3 doesn't mean it's suitable.

It certainly isn't suitable as a 'reading' book for Year 5. It's one that needs introduction, context and discussion.

Is exactly how I feel - she is unsure on the ins and outs of normal sex . Without throwing prostitution , rape and gay sex in to the mix .

And she is still a child . Is there any need for her to even know about these things in great detail yet?

OP posts:
Eggsaregoodforyou · 05/09/2014 22:30

This is incredibly depressing.

Would I have wanted or needed to know about rape or anal sex or injecting heroin at age 9, no I fucking would not!!!!!

Quite frankly we wonder why young people are becoming sexually active at earlier and earlier ages, well wonder no more!!

I didn't even know where babies came from at 9!

What's happened to the concept of CHILDHOOD!?

Original poster
babyiwantabump · 05/09/2014 22:31

And this : ( how do you bold??)

"Some thing's will be rather horrible to learn,"

OP posts:
Original poster
babyiwantabump · 05/09/2014 22:31

Totally agree eggs!!

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 05/09/2014 22:32

not every child gets a childhood Eggs - some find out about rape the hard way - for me informing my children in a calm and safe way about such things is part of protecting them

but as I said we are all different

Original poster
babyiwantabump · 05/09/2014 22:33

Wheresthelight

Yes she chose it but should it have been available for her to choose in the first place ?

It wasn't in the standard library for the whole school . It was in the classroom .

OP posts:
MamaPain · 05/09/2014 22:33

Molly, 9 year old knows what rape is (basic understanding) and what a virgin is. Also understands what a myth is. Would be a simple explanation if it was even necessary.

MollyHooper · 05/09/2014 22:33

I'm sure you explained things to them in a way in which they were able to understand Gordy, but this book doesn't do that.

Anotherchapter · 05/09/2014 22:34

A few years ago I would have said YANBU.

But seeing year after year children's sexual knowledge getting younger and younger and misguided I say YABU.

I would openly discuss the book with her. Knowledge s power for tomorrow's children. I would love to keep my dd2 wrapped in her little girl bubble forever but as myself getting pregnant at 16, things like this need discussing openly. Would I want to talk to a nine year old about anal or sex workers ? Do I fuck, but Pandora's box has been opened - so discuss.

These subjects are so taboo, we should actually talk about them as much a possible when we can.

Some of the things I've heard some of my year six boys say would make your toes curl. I pity their future girlfriends.

gordyslovesheep · 05/09/2014 22:34

Molly that's why, like the OP has done, you look at books with them - to check

Wheresmypassport · 05/09/2014 22:35

I agree with eggs too, life is hard enough when you are an adult, why force all the horror and unpleasantness of the world on a child! Just because its out there doesn't mean it has to be discussed at such a young age. Let children be children.

MollyHooper · 05/09/2014 22:36

X post and ditto.

Most 9 yo's won't have a clue about those subjects though, if we are being truly honest.

wheresthelight · 05/09/2014 22:36

no but if it is advertised as suitable then it may have been bought and bunged on a shelf without anyone really taking much notice hence why I say go in an speak calmly to the teacher as she may have no idea of the extent of the content.

gordyslovesheep · 05/09/2014 22:36

oh and exactly what anotherchapter says - I have experience of 2 year 2 boys sexually assaulting a year 2 girl - our ideas of children are lovely and fluffy but the reality on the playground ...not so much

Ididntseeitsoitdidnthappen · 05/09/2014 22:36

She chose it is not a valid reason to expose a 9 year old to this subject matter in this manner

I have a 9 year old and would be mortified if this book were available for them to take home!

Given a choice my 9 year old would stay up til midnight playing computer games and live off chocolate and crisps whilst watching action films. But they're 9 FFS and that isn't appropriate for them and in the same way that book is not suitable for a 9 year old

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 05/09/2014 22:36

I wouldn't be happy either. I'm happy to discuss anything they want to, they watch/listen the news etc but this is a step too far.

MamaPain · 05/09/2014 22:37

Where is the definition of childhood which says they have to be ignorant or unpleasantness of real life. Childhood is simply being young.

My DC are still young, they have a happy carefree time.

I know about these things but they don't impact my daily life, why would they negatively impact my DC? Maybe if they were very oversensitive I'd moderate but thankfully my DC aren't like that.