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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to insist the nursery let my 15year old dd pick up her 4 yr old sister

145 replies

yestheyhavethesamedad · 05/09/2014 20:16

I have recently started a new job after being unemployed for 2 months, that has set hours but unfortunately due to traffic I don't get home until 6.10pm and the nursery shut at exactly 6pm.
My 15year old dd has offered to pick her sister up at 5.55pm and will be home for 6.05.

However the nursery will not allow her to do this as she isn't 16.

so am I being unreasonable to insist that they allow her to collect and I will sign a disclaimer to say that I am happy to allow this .

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 06/09/2014 11:53

Do you know for a fact that they can simply temper their insurance policy with a letter from the OP Nomama?

Mrsjayy · 06/09/2014 12:22

Where would you expect the nursery to stop what of it was a 12 year old 14 maybe yabu of course your dd is perfectly capable of looking after a 4 year old but th3 nursery has procedures and your dd is a minor. As for having her own child how many of you know 15yr olds with babies they are not allowed to live alone with their mothers

Cerisier · 06/09/2014 12:33

Another vote for asking DD to see if any of her 16YO friends can help. If she is in Year 11 someone will be turning 16 very soon. Worth a try.

Nomama · 06/09/2014 12:38

I think so, SirChenjin. There is no law, I can't find any bye laws (I just had a look) and at 15 any sibling is deemed responsible, can babysit etc.

So, given that such a policy is a sensible shot at safeguarding not a law, there should be no barrier to a parent writing and nominating an older sibling for pick up.

But I am still looking for anything that would suggest otherwise - I seriously don't expect to find anything other than 'standard practice' though. And that can be dealt with with a letter.

Mrsjayy · 06/09/2014 12:41

The nursery are perfectly entitled to have their own policy and parents agree to it when they put children in

Nomama · 06/09/2014 12:46

The EYFS site suggests it is all down to policy...nothing in the minimum standards document.... lots of discussion from minders etc. So yes, a letter should suffice.

Nomama · 06/09/2014 12:52

Mrsjayy - of course they can... but the question is, given that sometimes life isn't as accommodating, why won't they allow sensible, recorded exceptions?

Especially as they will not be breaking any law, voiding any insurance or putting themselves at the mercy of Ofsted.

In fact, if they showed Ofsted they had an exceptions policy in place to enable single parent families retain jobs etc they would get brownie points. Equality and Diversity is key here.

OP you could point them towards that... ask them about their E+D policy and ask if they are aware they are discriminating against you, making it difficult for you to work and afford childcare, with their rigid reading of their own policy. It might work!

SirChenjin · 06/09/2014 12:59

So you don't know for a fact that this might invalidate their insurance?
Fact is, you can think what you like about it - the nursery is a private enterprise, not legally obliged to take anyone's child, can refuse to take your disclaimer letter, and can show you the door if you don't like their policies.

SirChenjin · 06/09/2014 13:00

E&D wont work here - there is no discrimination in law.

Mrsjayy · 06/09/2014 13:10

What sirchenjin said and anyway if the unlikely event of the sky falling down on them both on the 10 minutes on the walk home the op or the nursery would be liable for negligence as she is a minor you cant expect policy and law to change to suit childcare needs she is 15

OddFodd · 06/09/2014 13:23

Gosh, my son's babysitter collects him from school and looks after him until I get home and she was 15 when she started. I've seen lots of older siblings collect Reception-aged kids and the school don't intervene.

I would definitely ask another parent to hand over to your older DD - in view of the nursery. It's a policy, it's not illegal

Mrsjayy · 06/09/2014 13:26

School isnt private childcare though wasn't your 15yr old babysitter at school?

insancerre · 06/09/2014 13:32

Nomama
How would failing to comply with their own policies get brownie points from ofsted?
Failing to comply with my nursery's policies would get me the sack as it would be classed as gross misconduct
The parents agree to the terms and conditions when they send their children to the nursery
If they don't like those terms and conditions they are free to use another nursery
The pop cannot insist on the nursery changing their policy because it doesnt suit her and no way is it discrimination
The op has 3 choices
Find another adult to collect
Find another nursery
Or change her hours

Lezprechaun · 06/09/2014 13:39

I was 15 when my first DD was born! She didn't go to nursery at that age but what would they do if the legal parent was not over 16? They would have to make exceptions then surely?

Purplepoodle · 06/09/2014 13:46

Perhaps ask if any if the staff would mind staying 10mins and you pay them extra £5

Marcipex · 06/09/2014 13:51

But you have to have 2 staff Purplepoodle
One adult can never be alone with a child.

In our oreschool the 2 staff have half an hour to do the cleaning and lock up. It's hard to finish in the time as it is.
And one of them has to dash to collect her own children.

insancerre · 06/09/2014 13:52

It would have to be 2 members of staff as its still on nursery premises and legally there has to be 2 staff members present when children are in
The staff can't just make private arrangements with parents though as their insurance would be invalid if something was to happen

Mrsjayy · 06/09/2014 13:53

Did you live on your own at 15 or did you have an adult taking carevof you both till you were 16 children cant be legally responsible for their own children

scarletforya · 06/09/2014 13:55

I work in a nursery and we can only release children to named contacts who are 18 and over.

Mrsjayy · 06/09/2014 13:56

Yes the nursery shuts at 6 you cant bung the nursery worker a fiver to stay on as soon as another parent got wind of that they would all want it.

longtallsally2 · 06/09/2014 14:00

Does your dd have a friend/classmate who is already 16, who would go along and collect your dd2 with her? You may have to pay a fiver a day which would be a real pain, but at least it would mean that you could keep your job! And it would only be until your dd's 16th birthday . . .

longtallsally2 · 06/09/2014 14:02

Sorry, just seen that that has already been suggested above - I skipped a page accidentally.

Hope you find something that works for you.

femin · 06/09/2014 14:02

Mrsjayy - A friend of mine did live alone at 15 with her baby. SS were aware of it.

insancerre · 06/09/2014 14:03

We had a baby whose mum was still at school in a nursery I once worked in.
The baby's grandparents were her legal guardians and social services were involved.
The mum could drop off but the grandparents had to pick up. Not sure if this was at the nurserys insistence or social services
At pick up there are sometimes accident forms to sign or medication forms and medicine to hand over.
All require dealing with by an adult. Not a minor.
In nurseries under 17 year old workets are not allowed to be unsupervised with children

OddFodd · 06/09/2014 14:06

She's finished her GCSEs so wasn't going in every day (it's only the odd one off that she's done - he usually goes to afterschool club). I don't know - she's the daughter of the family liaison officer at DS's school so I assume it was fine!