AIBU to insist the nursery let my 15year old dd pick up her 4 yr old sister

[yestheyhavethesamedad]

I have recently started a new job after being unemployed for 2 months, that has set hours but unfortunately due to traffic I don't get home until 6.10pm and the nursery shut at exactly 6pm.
My 15year old dd has offered to pick her sister up at 5.55pm and will be home for 6.05.

However the nursery will not allow her to do this as she isn't 16.

so am I being unreasonable to insist that they allow her to collect and I will sign a disclaimer to say that I am happy to allow this .

I actually think you're in the right here.

This sounds ridiculous and overzealous. Surely it should be up to the parents to decide. I know anybody picking the child up has to be known to and registered with the nursery, which is fair.

YANBU. A 15 year old is perfectly capable, and as the long as the nursery knows you are choosing to allow your DD to do this I can't see what the issue is cant you just lie about her age?

Your DD is a minor so I can understand their reluctance. Although you know and trust her they don't. They have to have policies and procedures and stick to them regardless to keep all clients safe.

They are both your daughters. If the nursery refuses to let one child go with her sister with her mum's permission I think the nursery is totally wrong.
Who gives the nursery the right to keep a child when the mother wants it to leave?

(I see the major problem is that the nursery might stick to their stupid rules and you might need to find another nursery which can be hard) I suggest talking to the nursery calmly about the problem.

They are both your daughters. If the nursery refuses to let one child go with her sister with her mum's permission I think the nursery is totally wrong.
Who gives the nursery the right to keep a child when the mother wants it to leave?

(I see the major problem is that the nursery might stick to their stupid rules and you might need to find another nursery which can be hard) I suggest talking to the nursery calmly about the problem.

YABU. Your older daughter is not yet an adult.

They may have a clasue in the contract you signed that stated that a child can only be picked up by an adult.

They may well have policies forbidding it - or it may be standard nursery guidelines. You probably need to go straight to the manager and confirm whether or not this is written down somewhere.

It does seem over-zealous - schools are usually quite happy for teenage siblings to collect.

YANBU, it isn't the nursery place to start judging who is doing the pick ups.

Are they going to start deeming one mother substandard to the father and allowing only daddy to collect? Or are elderly slow moving relatives also not suitable?

They should follow parents if it is a family member or someone well known to child.

What happens with young parents? Can they not collect their own children?

It's true you could say that she's miraculously had a birthday

It's silly though - SS wouldn't have an issue with you leaving a 4yo in the care of her 15yo sister so why should the nursery have an issue with it?

I understand the need for a cut off point but this is just silly, they should exercise some discretion surely?

YANBU, she is perfectly capable at 15.

As she's 4 will she only be there for another year ?
I'd be tempted to go with a childminder
The nursery sounds a pita with your new hours & their inflexible attitude

And YY a 15 year old could be the mother of a baby (probably not a 4yo to be fair). What would their policy say then??

What happens with young parents? Can they not collect their own children?

they'd have been a very young parent to have a 4yo and still be under 16!

Them's the rules, unfortunately. DS1 was only able to pick up DS2 when he turned 16 - it was frustrating, but it was policy. I offered to sign a disclaimer, but they wouldn't allow it sadly.

I am a CM and I have a policy that I won't let I child leave with minor but I would be happy to hang on ten minutes for mum to collect.

I suppose that the nursery has to have a cut off point somewhere and insurances might be part of the reason for it. The other difficulty is if they start allowing discretionary exceptions there could be problems which might impact upon them. Your 15 yo may be fine collecting her sister to make the 10 minute trip home but what do they do when a less capable under 16 wants to do a 30 minute walk home in the dark with their sibling? Say the route had no pavement for example?

They'd say no if they have any sense. Then the slighted other parent would kick up a fuss with the nursery and start grilling you as to why your DD could do pick ups but not theirs. It could get quite unpleasant.

I feel for you in your dilemma and I would ask the nursery to reconsider but be prepared to be told no for the reasons above.

YANBU, they are. Just tell them in writing that this is what is happening, as you don't want to inconvenience staff by being consistently late.

truthfully I was going to lie but my mum collected her today and told the nursery that she is only 15, and unfortunately my can't do after next week so am stuck, and really don't want to have to give up work and claim benefits as doing that is bad for my mental health

whatever you think, however responsible the 15 yr old is and however unreasonable everyone thinks this is the nurserys insurance will probably stipulate that it has to be an adult who is defined as someone over 16. if they let your 15 yr old take the child they are invalidating their insurance. in their position if this were the case (and it usually is) then there is no way I would give in on this and would just try to work with you for a late pick up.

Could your older dd wait at the gate and another mum sign younger dd out, then hand her over?

Ooh - good plan, Whereisegg. That would work. Someone else technically collects, older DD loiters outside.

I can see both sides - they have a policy which was put in place to safeguard their charges, limit their liability and ensure that everyone ends up where they are supposed to be. You trust your daughter and know that she is responsible enough to be in charge of your other daughter and are only asking for a tiny portion of flexibility.

However YABU to insist that your older daughter do the collection when it is against the nursery's policy - their offering no longer meets your needs, but it is you who wants to change the arrangements so I would say that the onus was on you to make alternative arrangements rather than on them to change their policy, which would cost them time and money to do.

As a compromise, could you pay to have a disclaimer drawn up which properly covers the nursery's liability? Because something knocked up just saying 'I accept liability for anything that happens after x picks up y' won't necessarily stand up in court should anything happen, so I can understand their reluctance to resolve the issue like this. Realistically though, wouldn't it be easier to find another childcare provider that would work around your new hours?