AIBU to insist the nursery let my 15year old dd pick up her 4 yr old sister

[yestheyhavethesamedad]

I have recently started a new job after being unemployed for 2 months, that has set hours but unfortunately due to traffic I don't get home until 6.10pm and the nursery shut at exactly 6pm.
My 15year old dd has offered to pick her sister up at 5.55pm and will be home for 6.05.

However the nursery will not allow her to do this as she isn't 16.

so am I being unreasonable to insist that they allow her to collect and I will sign a disclaimer to say that I am happy to allow this .

Silverdaisy, she's talking about 10 minutes for the 15 year old and she offered!

Anyway, that aside, YANBU but I suspect the insurance companies play a part in this, rightly or wrongly.

Also, OP, no idea what the job is and I understand you may be reluctant to ask, however, there's a good chance your employer may be more flexible than the nursery, simply because they can.

Can you not take a break and leave 10 minutes earlier? Can you start 10 minutes earlier, or is it not that kind of job?

My DD was in nursery (briefly) when less than a year old. I was 15 at the time, I couldn't tell you what their policies were (and tbh it was 14 years ago) but I don't remember having to sign any sort of disclaimer and they certainly allowed me to collect her.

That's a shame you don't know anyone....not sure if I've missed this, but would someone at the nursery be able/prepared to stay on for 10-15 minutes if you paid them?

Alternatively - have you told them when your DD is going to be 16? Could it be 'next month' and would your employer allow you some flexibility (earlier start, shorter lunch break, temporary reduced hours etc) until 'next month'?

Tattydevine I work in retail hence the reason I was thrilled to find a job with set hours and weekdays as a lot of other retail jobs wanted full flexibility between 7am and 10pm Monday to sunday

Thinking about it (it's a long time since mine were in nursery), the staff were allowed to make private arrangements to babysit for parents. Might it be worth asking if any of them go in your direction when they leave and be able to bring your DD back to the house as a private arrangement? Especially if it's in walking distance and is only for a limited time till your older Dd turns 16.

bloody hell silverdaisy that was harsh. Surely looking after one's siblings is the ideal introduction into being a responsible adult. With your view we would be spewing out 16 year olds totally incapable of doing anything. Why should they cook, they will be cooking for themselves for the rest of their lives; why should they keep their rooms tidy, they will have a life of tidying their onw house etc.

Sorry OP Sadly if their policy states over 16 for pick ups there's little you can do about it other than find another nursery.
I'm surprised there isnlt one loca childminder that will do later pick ups. IME of childcare childminders are usually much more flexible than nurseries. Have you called any and asked as usually they will accommodate later collections on request. Meaning you may pay a little bit extra, but they will usually do it. Or a childminder may be happy for your DD to do the pick up?

Alternatively, can you negotiate with your employers thet you will go in ealrier/have a shorter lunch hour so you can leave in time to pick up your DD?

Lacka. Yes it was and I did post again. Saying sorry.

I understand the nursery's stance. But you as her mother know if she is responsible enough to collect her.

Just say she's turned 16 (assuming you don't have to provide ID). You are happy and the nursery have fulfilled their obligations.

A 15 year old would be very unlikely to be the mother of a 4 year old that would make them 11 when they had the child and would likely have ss involvement at that age so those who say what if a 15 year old had a baby is a bit silly personally I don't agree with using older children as regular childcare I think it's wrong now and again yes but not regular it's not their job they didn't ask for any siblings get a childminder op

The 15 year old is a child herself. Why should she be free child care? Life will have enough responsibility for her soon enough.

By that logic, why should your children be free house cleaners? No need to make them do chores, when they'll have their own place soon enough.

No child was worse off by having some responsibility.

I would send a letter in saying that your DD will be collecting her sister, if the nursery refuse handover then you will not be paying any extra fees.

Jobsworths! She could be married with own child at 16, is there no common sense in these schools today!

I would send a letter in saying that your DD will be collecting her sister, if the nursery refuse handover then you will not be paying any extra fees.

If the OP starts making demands that go against the nursery's policies, then she is likely to find herself without childcare at all - surely it's better to try and negotiate and find a compromise rather than find herself given notice and left with even more of a childcare issue?

for those asking about what if the parent was 15.

When i was 15 my son and my sister were at the same nursery, their rules were actually no under 16's could collect a child unless they were the parent, so i was able to collect my son but not my sister, which is ridiculous but there you go.

OP YANBU but I think your best bet is to tell them its DDs birthday soon and tell your mum not to tell them any different.

Also to the pp that was so certain SS would deal with it, there would not necessarily be a social worker involved just because the mum's under 16, SS' involvement with me was they had a meeting between my mum, the school and the midwife and local HV just before my first scan, established i had enough support and that was it.

When I was five I went home from school with my older sister. She was six.

TheFisheWife "I don't agree with using older children as regular childcare " what do you think happens in big families? Do you think the mother breast / bottle feeds and the 2 and 3 and 4 year old rampage around. No. The 10 year old probably sees to their needs. Isn't that childminding?

HemlockStareglimmer Yes, I was given the task of taking my sister and bringing her home from school (same as mine) when I was 10 and she was 5 (I know there's a bigger difference in ages). It meant two buses each way though. If you ask me, it's one of those ridiculous Health & Safety rules.

A 15 year old has parental responsibility for their own child.
A child in nursery is the responsibility of the staff.
If the policy is over 16 only ( and this is pretty standard) ten the staff risk being sacked if they allow the 15 year old to collect
In our nursery only named contacts on the pick up list are allowed to collect, so a random local teenager or other mum wouldn't be able to pick up.
We take our responsibilities very seriously and handing over to a minor means that we are legally still responsible if anything was to happen.

Does DD1 have a 16yo friend that could go with her to pick up DD2?

It's ridiculous as you've given consent etc.

My dc2 primary school allow siblings to collect once they are at senior school. My then 11yr old picked up my then 5 year old for me on many occasions.

I understand the nursery have to set a limit but if a parent is willing to sign a waiver I don't see the problem.

These are legalities that are in place for a reason and as much as it inconveniences you, they're there for the safety of the children and for the protection of the nursery as well. You can't expect them to contravene their policies as a favour to you.

A fifteen year old parent has parental responsibility which is a different matter to the core issue here. The core issue is that it would invalidate the nursery's liability insurance if they knowingly sent a child off with a minor when it is directly stated in policy that they ought not to do so. They will also be likely to get into big trouble were they to bend the rules and the unthinkable happen.

It's easy enough to say oh but she's the sister, etc etc but that is not how things work when it comes to legalities. A parent can give permission for whomever they like to look after they child, an institution has to work within the parameters set by themselves and the relevant authorities and legal bodies.

Bramwell - I was talking about a hypothetical similar situation where a 15 year old had a 4 year old. I would imagine/hope that any 11 year old having a baby would have long term support from SS

The whole situation is fucking ridiculous. As has been said before, policy/arse covering comes before common sense.

Is OP supposed to give up her job just because of a policy that has no basis in law will not be tempered by the nursery owner? They can temper their policies, a written letter is enough to satisfy any insurances, Ofsted, etc.

Jobsworthy crap. OP I am sorry you are in this position, I hope you find a workable alternative to such stupidity.

In my experience the girls that work in the nursery do extra babysitting etc to earn a bit extra. I'm sure one of them would be willing to walk your DD home for a bit extra cash.