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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to insist the nursery let my 15year old dd pick up her 4 yr old sister

145 replies

yestheyhavethesamedad · 05/09/2014 20:16

I have recently started a new job after being unemployed for 2 months, that has set hours but unfortunately due to traffic I don't get home until 6.10pm and the nursery shut at exactly 6pm.
My 15year old dd has offered to pick her sister up at 5.55pm and will be home for 6.05.

However the nursery will not allow her to do this as she isn't 16.

so am I being unreasonable to insist that they allow her to collect and I will sign a disclaimer to say that I am happy to allow this .

OP posts:
Heyho111 · 05/09/2014 21:37

They are legally not allowed to let your daughter leave with a minor. If something went wrong when she was in your 15 year olds care they would be liable as they weren't allowed to let her go. Rules are there for a reason and there has to be a cut off.

waithorse · 05/09/2014 21:38

What would they do if the 15 year old was the mother ? Confused

SirChenjin · 05/09/2014 21:43

I suspect that if the 15 year old was the mother she would have been supported by SS for the last four years, and probably wouldn't be out working until ten past six.

gellicleCat · 05/09/2014 21:44

some 15 yo are very uoung 15 yo

unweavedrainbow · 05/09/2014 21:51

As far as I can make out, if the 15 year old was the mother then the 15 year old would have parental responsibility for the child. Therefore, the nursery would have to let the child leave with them. However, the mother of the 15 year old would still have parental responsibility over them, as parental responsibility does not terminate till 18. Thus, technically, but not legally, the mother of the 15 year old is responsible for all of them and so the nursery could insist that the mother of the 15 year old is there at pickup. In practice, there would be support from SS so I presume that arrangements would be made.

MamaPain · 05/09/2014 21:52

Phantom, presumably the nursery doesn't only care for four year olds?! I would imagine they have a baby room or toddlers too. So unless the rule only applies to four year olds my point still stands.

I hate all this nonsense. I can't see who it all helps, seems that now there are so many rules for everything.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 05/09/2014 21:52

If the 15 year old was the mother then legally she'd have to be at school or in education herself and would be unlikely to be using the type of nursery that doesn't close till 6pm as they normally cost an arm and a leg.

If your younger DD is 4 won't she be off to school now herself? Or has she only just turned 4?

Ludways · 05/09/2014 21:57

YANBU, a 15 year old is perfectly capable of looking after a child.

BertieBotts · 05/09/2014 21:57

But even if a 15yo mum was at school her child would still have to be cared for during that time, nursery is one option.

It shouldn't make a difference whether a 15yo is collecting at 4pm or 6pm.

I know this isn't the situation.

I agree concrete rules like this don't work for real people in real life. There should be a disclaimer option so that the rule is functional but exceptions can be made.

unweavedrainbow · 05/09/2014 22:01

Yes, but legally it's tricky. It's about where responsibility would ultimately lie if something happens to the child. The buck ultimately has to stop with someone who can be considered an adult. Parental responsibility in minors is a hugely complicated area of law.

SirChenjin · 05/09/2014 22:08

I agree there should be a disclaimer - DS1 was no less able to collect and look after DS2 when he was 15.5 than he is now at 16.5 - it was hugely frustrating, and the OP has my sympathy.

That being said, there are reasons for the rule - and talk of Telling Them, End Of is just silly. Childcare providers are businesses, and are perfectly at liberty to show you the door.

Notagainmun · 05/09/2014 22:09

The OP IBU because she can't insist only ask and the nursery can refuse.

Original poster
yestheyhavethesamedad · 05/09/2014 22:20

whoknowswherethetimegoes

she doesn't start school until august of next year (Scotland) as she had been deferred this year as it was felt she just wasn't quite ready for school.
I know that iabu it just that come January the job centre would have expected me to take any job or be sanctioned and I found one with set hours Monday to Friday so thought would be better than an irregular shift pattern.

I did look at childminders first but the ones in my area would only work until 5.30 which given that's the ime I actually finish work was no good, so thought the nursery would be ideal and didn't think it would be a problem for my dd to collect as had done this in my previous area and just signed a disclaimer accepting full responsibility once she had left the nursery grounds .

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 05/09/2014 22:22

Not sure if you saw my earlier post, or if you don't fancy the idea, but do you know an older teenager who might be happy to pick her up for a small fee?

Zippidydoodah · 05/09/2014 22:25

I used to pick up my 3 year old brother when I was 15. Yanbu.

And btw, I love your user name, op! It really made me smile! Smile

Original poster
yestheyhavethesamedad · 05/09/2014 22:26

SirChenjin

I did see your message unfortunately I don't know any older teens in the area , I only moved here 2 months ago, i left the area i lived in and my job ect to move to here hence the reason i was unemployed for 2 months.

Will have to see if i can get a childminder from outwith the area that works a little bit later

OP posts:
WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 05/09/2014 22:26

It does sound difficult. Are there any nurseries closer to your new job that you could get to on time? Shame to have to move your DD again though.

Notagainmun · 05/09/2014 22:26

I do feel for you OP. I am shocked at your local CMs around here we are more flexible than the local nursery.

Silverdaisy · 05/09/2014 22:28

The 15 year old is a child herself. Why should she be free child care? Life will have enough responsibility for her soon enough.

We should help family out, but this is too much in my opinion.

FastWindow · 05/09/2014 22:31

Aha, mums can be too honest can't they? My mum managed to prevent me getting to see my sister and her one day old baby by telling the nurses I had gone deaf in one ear (I'd been moaning about it - been swimming and got a blockage) and the nurses interpreted this as an ear infection and refused me entry. I cried all the way home in the car.

Say nothing is the moral!!

Could your 15yo perhaps help out at the preschool... To show her maturity?

FastWindow · 05/09/2014 22:32

Silver, really? It's 15 minutes.

Original poster
yestheyhavethesamedad · 05/09/2014 22:32

silverdaisy my dd suggested it to me and i'm not asking her to be free childcare, i am asking her to walk her sister home and by the time she gets there i will be there, its 15mins out of her day

OP posts:
PowderMum · 05/09/2014 22:38

As usual rules override common sense but I fear they are necessary to protect the few.

My DD(15) is quite capable of looking after any if her young cousins (all under 6), and has collected one if them from th childminder on her own. Childminder is fully aware of her age as her DD is in her school year, never considered it was against policy.

Silverdaisy · 05/09/2014 22:38

I can see your point there.

Then the only other discussion is if the school will believe that. I hope you understand that? They may think that it will be longer.

Anyhow if it is only 15 mins then that is is not an issue. Sorry. X

PowderMum · 05/09/2014 22:41

OP my DD never sees it as free childcare or a chore either. It also takes her less than 20 minutes and just covers the bit where her cousin's mum or me are running late. In fact even if I'm home she will go as she enjoys it.