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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say no to DS's classmates sister coming to his birthday party?

151 replies

donteattheplaydough · 05/09/2014 14:40

Oh the old party invite malarky....

DS has a 6th birthday party. I have invited his best friends, his best school friends, and also classmates who had invited him to their parties as I think that is polite. I didn't want a massive party - partly for my own sanity, and partly because we are having someone come to do an activity and I want everyone to have an opportunity to take part. So we have about 20 in total. I am not paying per head but I think 20 is plenty big enough for a party.

Anyway, so I invited a girl from his class whose party he went to earlier this year, her mum replies yes, but could her (older) sister come as well? I don't know the girl's sister apart from seeing her around school, and DS is not friends with her, nor is my DD.

I do have two older siblings of other children coming, but that is because they are good friends with my older DD and I thought it would be nice for her to have a couple of mates there. Also I did offer them the invite and they are family friends rather than schoolfriends. The mum wouldn't know any of this anyway.

I am inclined to say no, because if I wanted more children there I would have invited more of his classmates. If it's a childcare problem I would understand but she offers no explanation and anyway the children are old enough to be dropped off at this age (and have seen them being dropped off at parties by their dad before).

I can't talk to the mum as they have not come back to school yet, so I will have to send a text. I don't want to offend her but on the other hand I don't feel comfortable saying yes.

I have 3 DCs so go to plenty of parties, and only take one DC (unless another DC is specifically invited, usually to keep a sibling company!).

Or am I just being churlish?

OP posts:
BeyondTheSea · 05/09/2014 14:43

No - I don't understand why someone would ask if another sibling could attend. I wouldn't dream of it.

BeyondTheSea · 05/09/2014 14:44

Sorry posted too soon, could you send a text saying sorry, but DS only wants his friends there?

SirChenjin · 05/09/2014 14:45

No - definitely not being churlish. Asking if your child can come to a party is just rude.

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi · 05/09/2014 14:45

YANBU

she is being incredibly cheeky

PumpkinsMummy · 05/09/2014 14:45

No not unreasonable at all. Just text back saying, no sorry, no room for add ons as I have already organised the catering/activities and have a houseful, but looking forward to seeing (younger) DD there.

Patilla · 05/09/2014 14:46

Not churlish at all. It's a birthday party not holiday club that you're hosting.

That said, at least the mum asked rather than just dumped an extra child on you.

I'd therefore go with a polite but clear text along the lines of "really sorry but we've got to watch numbers and so don't have room for xxx to come along."

QueenofallIsee · 05/09/2014 14:46

Just say no, you are not being churlish - she is being cheeky! At least she asked mind you, I have had to stop asking one boy to parties as the Mum always brings his 2 siblings which is a real problem for per head events, and an inconvenience at home due to their ages. She asked, you declined and that's OK

Topseyt · 05/09/2014 14:46

How rude of the other mum to ask you. You invited the girl your son knows. You were not in any way obliged to invite his older sister.

I would text her and say no. Say that you have already allocated all the spaces you can and you will not be able to accommodate any more children.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 05/09/2014 14:47

If they are old enough to drop and run then I think she's being cheeky. Childcare only really applies if the sibling invited is young enough to need their parent to stay. Perhaps give her a call to discuss the problem. Maybe her DD not confident to stay on her own or something?

IhadsexwithanelfinIceland · 05/09/2014 14:48

I am often guilty of being offended by the question (i.e. what a bloody cheek that someone has asked XY or Z), however, she did ask the question (which was incidentally, very cheeky), therefore it is perfectly OK to say, "No, sorry" and to offer no explanation.

Floggingmolly · 05/09/2014 14:50

Definately a no. Mum fancies an afternoon shopping... Bloody cheek!

lavendersgreen · 05/09/2014 14:51

No you're not being churlish, she is very rude to ask. Just text back and say you can't accommodate any extra children but hope her child will be able to attend.

This is one of my pet hates when it comes to children's parties.

Maisyblue · 05/09/2014 14:52

I would say no, just think if everyone did that...if she's doing it for for the older siblings sake she's setting her up for lots of disappointments in life, she needs to learn that her sister will get invites for parties that don't include her. It's probably more for her own sake so she can have a child free few hours. She had a nerve to ask you so I wouldn't feel bothered about telling her no. Just say something like the party is just for ds's friends only or people he knows very well. If she doesn't like it tough.

Original poster
donteattheplaydough · 05/09/2014 15:00

Thanks everyone! I feel much better - now off to draft the text....

OP posts:
waithorse · 05/09/2014 15:03

YANBU, say no. She is very rude.

TrendStopper · 05/09/2014 15:03

I would just reply with no.

I might have considered it if say the mum had to work and didn't have child care. However I reckon the mum just wants an afternoon without her kids.

Peppa87 · 05/09/2014 15:06

People shouldn't be rude enough to ask, it puts the host in a really awkward position!
Yanbu.

Curlyweasel · 05/09/2014 15:10

YANBU - cheeky mare!

I would just text back and say "sorry, at capacity so can't invite others - but looking fwd to seeing xxx there"

Curlyweasel · 05/09/2014 15:11

(but I'd probably write forward out in full because I'm not 14)

x

Curlyweasel · 05/09/2014 15:13

I had something similar with my DD's 5th birthday - invited a friend from school. Mum brought her along (tea party in local woods) with her older sister who kept nicking DD's chair and eating everything. Mother hadn't even asked if she could bring her!

NoodleOodle · 05/09/2014 15:14

Another vote for just say no, though I don't think it's that terrible of her to ask.

Original poster
donteattheplaydough · 05/09/2014 15:14

Text is done! Thanks for support. Smile

It is annoying - I could just do without this extra worry when I have so much to organise anyway and as you say it does put you in an awkward position.

Onwards and upwards....

OP posts:
DeWee · 05/09/2014 15:26

No! Especially an older one. they're more often a pain than otherwise.

curiousgeorgie · 05/09/2014 15:32

I had never heard of this until I came on here... I can't believe how rude some people are. At a push I would probably take my baby (my DD is still at the age where we stay at parties) and hold her the whole time, but I'd even feel awkward about that!

Let us know if you get a reply?

wiganerpie · 05/09/2014 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.