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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend kept dds money and used Tesco vouchers

791 replies

jammyjamjam · 03/09/2014 12:24

Hi, ds had inservice yesterday and a friend (a mum from school) offered to take her, her own dd and 2 others to an amusement park, entry fee was 25 pounds. When ds got back in the afternoon, we chatted about the day and it turns out the mum paid for my dd and the 2 other children with Tesco vouchers, ie, she had redeemed her Tesco points to pay for the 4 dcs and then kept 75 pounds form my dd and the 2 other dc. Surely she could have told us that this place took in Tesco vouchers and I could have used my own points and saved the money? I'm grateful that she took dd but surely she should have been upfront about her intention of using vouchers....AIBU?

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 05/09/2014 11:38

You got your child entertained for the day in good company at a fun location with a responsible adult at the helm and you're still moaning about it. Calling her grabby and casting aspersions on her personality and ethics. You really need to take a look in the mirror, you sound horrible

This 1000 times over

Lweji · 05/09/2014 11:38

I'd say you are missing the point, rather. :)

If you asked if you were being unreasonable, you should expect the possibility that some or most people might disagree with you.

I agree that friends should look out for each other, but not expected to at their own expense.
Anything that they chose to give is a bonus, not expected, if you see what I mean.

whatever5 · 05/09/2014 11:40

which have a value nowhere near 25 pounds

That is the bit people disagree on though and it's really why this thread is going around in circles. Many of us thing they are worth 25 pounds if you can buy things for 25 pounds with them. It is matter of opinion and nothing to do with honesty or dishonesty! Anyway, have you even found out how many tesco clubcard vouchers would be required for entrance to the theme park your child went to as it does vary. The one we often go to would be 10.50 in vouchers instead of 25 pounds entrance (that would be 21 pounds off in Tescos at the moment)

Lweji · 05/09/2014 11:43

Laughing at this earlier on:

Someone incredibly hard up will cash it for groceries.

or someone who can't be arsed with looking for wherever they can spend the vouchers (me)

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 05/09/2014 11:44

I think (for me at any rate) part of this might come down to who it was.

A real friend - then yeah, actually, I might be a little bit miffed as my 'real' friends & I do a lot for each other and really look out for each other. Money is a bit 'fluid' between us, with none of us really keeping tabs on who spends what - I'm sure it all comes out in the wash :) So none of my 'real' friends would do this as we'd all just be 'mucking in together'.

A 'school mum' taking them, I would expect her to do the best for her. If she was offering to take the kids I'd be happy to pay the entrance fee and I wouldn't care how she paid for them to get in, nor that it cost me more than it actually really needed to (whether that's down to her not 'sharing' her vouchers or me not being given the opportunity to use mine). I would just think - Is DD free that day? Would she like to go? Am I prepared to spend £40 (entrance, lunch, spending money) for her to go? Yes or no. Then not give another thought to it. If the Mum happens to get 'a deal' well, fab for her, she deserves it taking 4 kids to a theme park for the day along with a bottle of Wine

sillystring · 05/09/2014 11:45

YABU YABU YABU. Look, not everyone "agrees" with you OP. YABU YABU YABU. This is AIBU and YABU. Have I made that clear enough for you?

FoodieToo · 05/09/2014 11:49

Why do you keep saying she should have told you you could use vouchers?

Did you not know?

Even if you did you would have had to order them and await delivery.

I think you're being petty.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 05/09/2014 11:50

Happy that most of you seem to see my point, lots of honest people out there, very reassuring ;)

So, you are saying that those of us who disagree with your viewpoint are dishonest?

Nice.

If you weren't prepared to be told YABU then why post in AM IBU?

whatever5 · 05/09/2014 11:50

And then OP probably couldn't have used them anyway as they are not transferable.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 05/09/2014 11:52

Lweji - you're still doing better than me, I forget to use them and they run out Grin Oops. Another thing on the list of 'shit I need to sort out' or not I don't shop at Tesco, but I do get £70 worth of petrol every week, but only end up with a few points everytime they send them out?! How much are people spending in Tesco that they have 100's or 1000's of points??

CatThiefKeith · 05/09/2014 11:58

Out of interest op, which theme park was it, and how far is it from your house?

Mandatorymongoose · 05/09/2014 12:00

From club card boost terms and conditions for a theme park:

â?¢ Tokens are not transferable and will be issued with the name shown on your Clubcard vouchers and may be printed with your postcode.

So the OP couldn't have used her vouchers anyway.

sillystring · 05/09/2014 12:01

I have to laugh at the OP's perception of "honest". If you agree with her you're honest, by that rationale, if you disagree you're not. However, she is online calling her "friend" grabby, dishonest and a whole host of other negative character traits but will OP actually tell "friend" how she feels about this, oh of course not! How "honest" is that OP? Hmmm?

irregularegular · 05/09/2014 12:07

You're really not be very nice here.

If I offered to take your child to the theme park I wouldn't actually ask for any money. However, if you offered money I would say "thank you, that's great" unless it was actually more than the total, full cost. And this would apply regardless of how I actually ended up paying - which I may not have thought about in advance anyway.

I took a couple of children to see Matilda in London recently using spare tickets and didn't ask for anything. One family bought the train ticket for their child and gave me something toward dinner, which I accepted. I refused anything towards the theatre ticket, but the amount given for dinner was possibly a little over generous and I didn't bother to return anything. I think that was OK. I The other family didn't offer anything. I was fine with that too.

I remain adamant that none of this makes me dishonest. I just don't think about these things all that much! It all evens out in the end anyway. The non-giving family looked after our hamster the following week.

I think the amount of thought you are giving this says more about you than anyone else.

Lweji · 05/09/2014 12:08

Well, I consider myself honest and what I (and others) have said was that we wouldn't mind if a friend did this to us. Because we are not grabby or feel entitled to be passed over benefits that belong first and foremost to our friends.
And I'd be happy for her if she got a nice jumper out of it too.

Lweji · 05/09/2014 12:09

I would have been grateful if she had decided to give back some of the 25£, but would probably argue with her a bit about it saying it was not necessary.

ContentedSidewinder · 05/09/2014 12:12

Only made my way through half this thread but can I point out that I earn Tesco clubcard points without shopping in Tesco because I have a tesco credit card

We use it for everything purely because of the points, yes I get more clubcard points if I shop in Tesco as I get the normal clubcard points plus using the credit card points, so it isn't that difficult to get points.

I think YABU because you expected the day to cost X amount and technically it did, they didn't reduce the admission price for that day they just paid in a different way.

We recently used our Tesco Boost clubcard vouchers to buy a hudl tablet for my MIL, does that mean I should have spent actual £££ to buy her something else as well?

SausagesAndBananas · 05/09/2014 12:13

.

sillystring · 05/09/2014 12:14

...yeah and I got a whole load of Amazon vouchers through my MasterCard, does that mean everything I buy with those I cannot give as presents unless I double up with the monetary value? Would I be "dishonest" if I did otherwise? You cannot justify this OP, you just can't.

WinifredTheLostDenver · 05/09/2014 12:27

The one thing that your friend Didn't do was get them in for free. Whether she sold the vouchers on eBay, used them in store or used them for a later trip to the park.

You said earlier you'd've been happy to pay £20 instead of the £25 - so your friend's "profit" on that basis would've been £15 not &75.

Original poster
jammyjamjam · 05/09/2014 12:27

Well, it seems that all the people who said YANBU (and there were lots!) have left the thread and now it's just me and the YABUs. I don't blame the leavers, this is going round in circles!

I still think I wasn't being unreasonable, what she did was sly and devious, knowing full well she'd be capitalising on her vouchers, swapping them for cash to be spent elsewhere. I wouldn't do that, it's cheeky, but there are obviously loads of you out there who would, so who knows who is right.
Bye and thanks for your comments, it's been fun chatting to you all x

OP posts:
WinifredTheLostDenver · 05/09/2014 12:31

Add "they don't have zero value" to the end of the first paragraph above!

MokunMokun · 05/09/2014 12:32

Contended would you ask your mil to give you 100 pounds (or whatever the shop price is) to cover the cost of the Hudl though?

WinifredTheLostDenver · 05/09/2014 12:43

Bye, OP, hope you and your friend remain friends.

CarmineRose1978 · 05/09/2014 12:43

As is so often the case on AIBU, people are confusing someone's right to do something with whether is right to do it. The OP's friend was perfectly within her rights to use the vouchers, but morally, it's pretty indefensible to make a profit off a friend (or group of friends). Yes, you could do this, and any number of the things people have suggested as analogies, and you wouldn't be breaking any laws or rules of use or whatever. But you'd be a pretty shitty person, IMO, to make money off a friend.

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