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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend kept dds money and used Tesco vouchers

791 replies

jammyjamjam · 03/09/2014 12:24

Hi, ds had inservice yesterday and a friend (a mum from school) offered to take her, her own dd and 2 others to an amusement park, entry fee was 25 pounds. When ds got back in the afternoon, we chatted about the day and it turns out the mum paid for my dd and the 2 other children with Tesco vouchers, ie, she had redeemed her Tesco points to pay for the 4 dcs and then kept 75 pounds form my dd and the 2 other dc. Surely she could have told us that this place took in Tesco vouchers and I could have used my own points and saved the money? I'm grateful that she took dd but surely she should have been upfront about her intention of using vouchers....AIBU?

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 05/09/2014 10:14

Am playing a teeny tiny violin for OPs post of 9:27!

Seriously?

What I think is so remarkable here is that looking at the situation at hand, and all things on balance, people are still assuming that this woman is scheming to make a few extra quid.

It's simply not my view of the world and people's automatic assumptions that this is what she's done, says a lot more about them than her actions do about her.

DamnBamboo · 05/09/2014 10:16

If it were me, I would have been upfront about it and charged the other mums a reduced rate fee or maybe even said that I'd but them lunch

Again, why should she have done this? Take our your DC and subsidise you?

OP do the honorable thing, tell her what you think of her, stop bitching about her on the internet and leave it at that.

You are now coming across as pretty pathetic

whatever5 · 05/09/2014 10:25

I guess I'm upset that she looked out for herself instead of looking out for me

So despite the fact that this person took your child for a nice day out, you are upset that she saved herself some money rather than you? Seriously?

slithytove · 05/09/2014 10:26

I'm not sure why you are picking apart my post Winifred. Or saying I've somehow used the sentence "it would not have hurt OP friend etc"

The bottom line is there would have been no damage done had she used the exact tender provided.

For some reason she didn't. Clearly it's because the attendance of OP's DD and her own subsequent use of vouchers benefited her. And why should she do that without saying a word? It seems wrong.

The m and s example is irrelevant because the value is like for like. Whereas the tesco voucher has a smaller face value.

Had the OP friend had free entry tickets to the theme park and didn't tell OP and still took cash off her, or 241, or any other form of discount resulting in a lesser cash payment on the door affecting OP DD ticket, she should have told OP in advance. It's a form of dishonesty.

She did not HAVE to pass on any savings to OP, no one is saying that. But she shouldn't have profited from taking a friends child out for the day.

Flipflops7 · 05/09/2014 10:34

Nauticant, exactly; that's why I revised my thought to the buyer passing on some of the benefit, as OP also suggested.

DamnBamboo · 05/09/2014 10:38

But she shouldn't have profited from taking a friends child out for the day

Aarrgh! She hasn't!

Bouttimeforwine · 05/09/2014 10:38

The difference is in the belief of the value. Many of us believe the value of the voucher is £25 as that is what she can spend in many places elsewhere. Many if you think wrongly differently.

She did not financially profit from the exchange except she gave herself more flexibility.

Bouttimeforwine · 05/09/2014 10:39

And around we go again...

WinifredTheLostDenver · 05/09/2014 10:44

Yup!

I don't think there's much more to say on this subject other than why not do the same when you take her kids out for pizza or whatever, then you will feel things have evened out.

sillystring · 05/09/2014 10:48
  1. She hasn't "profited" from this and you haven't lost out on anything. Just thinkg of the vouchers as cash and stop your whinging.
  1. She took your DC out for the day to somewhere really cool whilst you were working, you paid the entrance fee, job done.

I cannot understand your point of view at all, you seem to want "jam" on it or something. If I were your friend and read this thread I would seriously reconsider my friendship with you, you're really focused on money aren't you?

Makemineapintofrioja · 05/09/2014 10:53

My husband gets free entry to a local zoo because of his job, and for 4 accompanying persons. I'm afraid i wouldnt dream of asking for money for taking someone else's child.

Also, if you did not ask her to take your kids, and she offered. She was doing herself a favour so that her daughter has company. Regardless of tesco club points or cash, she should pay. Neighbors have been in this position and taken my 2 daughters to a local theme park for free. YADNBU

DamnBamboo · 05/09/2014 10:57

Yes making but your DH can't take his free entry and swap it for vouchers with a face value to be used elsewhere can he?

So if he doesn't use his free entry, it doesn't get used.

If maligned friend uses her vouchers for someone else, then she can't use it at a later day.

Not at all comparable.

WinifredTheLostDenver · 05/09/2014 10:59

Just when I thought there was nothing else to say...

Did your neighbours really take your daughters out for the day and pay £50 for the privilege? Wow.

whatever5 · 05/09/2014 11:00

My husband gets free entry to a local zoo because of his job, and for 4 accompanying persons. I'm afraid i wouldnt dream of asking for money for taking someone else's child.

This is entirely different. If you don't pay anything for entry of course it would be wrong. OP's friend has paid though in Tesco clubcard vouchers (don't start arguing about whether they are worth 25 pounds as that is going around in circles and people do not agree).

Whilst I also pay for everyone if I take other children that doesn't mean that people should do it!! Shock

Bouttimeforwine · 05/09/2014 11:16

That's another thread title

Should we always pay for our friends children if we take them out with us?
I can't afford to do this, so does this mean my ds can never take a friend out with him?

Lweji · 05/09/2014 11:18

If it were me, I would have been upfront about it and charged the other mums a reduced rate fee or maybe even said that I'd but them lunch

Have you ever invited your friends to dine with you using your vouchers at an overall reduced price?
If yes, or if you are going to, then YANBU.
If no, then YABU.

I'm upset that she looked out for herself instead of looking out for me
Why should she look out for you at her expense, though?
Great if she did, but she has no obligation to.
Can you give us any examples of your out of the goodness of your heart generosity with this friend?

Lweji · 05/09/2014 11:20

I only pay for nephews, but that often works out as a mutual benefit, as mine often also gets paid for, and the dd of my ds's god mother.

Bouttimeforwine · 05/09/2014 11:21

And again I'm shocked that you let your neighbour pay for your kids entry's x2 to a theme park. I often pay, but not in the region of £50. Wow. I hope you offered them something towards it. I would feel very uncomfortable allowing my friends/neighbours to do that, no matter how much they insisted. There is generosity and then there is generosity.

Bouttimeforwine · 05/09/2014 11:22

By the way that was a hypothetical thread title.

sillystring · 05/09/2014 11:29

Makemineapint..really glad you're not my neighbour.

Original poster
jammyjamjam · 05/09/2014 11:31

Why should she look out for me? Isn't that what friends do?

Some of you are still missing the point....she wasn't out of pocket , she didn't pay for dd out of her money. I gave dd the exact money to go into the park but she chose to use her free vouchers (which have a value nowhere near 25 pounds) and keep my 25 pounds. That is grabby, looking out for herself and says a lot about a person. I don't expect financial generosity from anyone, I can look after myself and my family, but I don't expect a friend to be sly and devious and end the day with a profit. She kept quiet about it because she thought she was onto a winner. And she was, she's probably gone out and bought a nice jumper with the 75 pounds she made. She certainly couldn't have done that with the vouchers!!
Happy that most of you seem to see my point, lots of honest people out there, very reassuring ;)

OP posts:
Lweji · 05/09/2014 11:34

Neighbors have been in this position and taken my 2 daughters to a local theme park for free. YADNBU

Well, you are lucky with your neighbours, and they clearly don't assign much value to their vouchers.
It bears no relevance as to what the friend here should have done.

sillystring · 05/09/2014 11:35

You got your child entertained for the day in good company at a fun location with a responsible adult at the helm and you're still moaning about it. Calling her grabby and casting aspersions on her personality and ethics. You really need to take a look in the mirror, you sound horrible.

Bouttimeforwine · 05/09/2014 11:36

But why as a friend aren't you equally as happy that she is able to buy herself that jumper at no cost to yourself. Double standards here.

DamnBamboo · 05/09/2014 11:36

I can't believe you are still going to remain friends with this person given what you think of her! 2Sly, devious, grabby..." You sound lovely Hmm

No, she wasn't out of pocket. Who is saying she was.

I think what you don't seem to grasp, is for those of us that disagree with you... we wouldn't mind if someone did this with our £25! Nothing dishonest about that.

WHY HAVE YOU POSTED THIS IN AIBU WHEN YOU CLEARLY DON'T THINK YOU ARE. WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS THREAD?