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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend kept dds money and used Tesco vouchers

791 replies

jammyjamjam · 03/09/2014 12:24

Hi, ds had inservice yesterday and a friend (a mum from school) offered to take her, her own dd and 2 others to an amusement park, entry fee was 25 pounds. When ds got back in the afternoon, we chatted about the day and it turns out the mum paid for my dd and the 2 other children with Tesco vouchers, ie, she had redeemed her Tesco points to pay for the 4 dcs and then kept 75 pounds form my dd and the 2 other dc. Surely she could have told us that this place took in Tesco vouchers and I could have used my own points and saved the money? I'm grateful that she took dd but surely she should have been upfront about her intention of using vouchers....AIBU?

OP posts:
revealall · 05/09/2014 07:56

Winifred yes of course it's based on nothing. It's just that people keep saying "well op can do the same to friend" as if it a reciprocal arrangement. Pointing out that that might not happen.

And yes we know the vouchers aren't transferable.

MokunMokun · 05/09/2014 07:57

I think you can use the points online and get sent an email which is your ticket. So you don't take the actual vouchers to the venue. Is that right?

The OP has lots of Tesco points so if her friend had mentioned using clubcard points then the OP could have bought a ticket for her daughter online and saved herself 25 pounds cash.

Yes, perhaps the OP should have checked for herself beforehand but it probably didn't even occur to her. I'd put it down to a lesson learnt and keep an eye on the friend in the future and these types of things.

rootypig · 05/09/2014 08:10

The reason you all can't agree is in the nature of the design of the voucher. They aren't 'worth' anything, there is no value that can be attached to them - that's why these schemes are so clever. The same voucher has a different worth (cash equivalent) depending where you use it. It also has a different value to each person using it. Someone incredibly hard up will cash it for groceries. Someone else will use it on a spa day. Whatever. What is more, there's more than one route to earning the vouchers, so we have no idea what the friend 'paid'.

But there are two decisive facts.

As others have said, there is the cash value of the vouchers on the open market. Apparently half the amount of money that OP handed over. So friend can use her vouchers, buy them back, and have money left over. That is (potential) profit.

Second, someone said upthread - several people - that OP hasn't been disadvantaged in any way. Nonsense. If the friend had shared the fact you could use the vouchers for entry (and why wouldn't she?), then OP would have saved a clear £25 in cash (£25 because OP says she has vouchers coming out of her ears. If not, she would have saved £10+, based on cost of buying vouchers on open market). This is the opportunity cost to the OP of the friend's lack of generosity and it is a real cost. It is the only hard number in this discussion.

OP, YANBU.

rootypig · 05/09/2014 08:11

Cross post Mokun Smile. Agreed!

NoWayYesWay · 05/09/2014 08:23

Mokon and RootyPig have explained it perfectly.

Bouttimeforwine · 05/09/2014 08:30

Why wouldn't she?

As said before, many times! the tickets have a name on them. They are not supposed to be used unless the club card holder is present. So whilst these aren't always checked and people get away with it, what would happen if it was refused?

Bouttimeforwine · 05/09/2014 08:33

3x children with different names on the tickets to the friends tickets, should be refused at the gate. Then the friend would be in a position of having to cough up £75 cash and trying to get the money of the 3 kids parents. Not worth the hassle or risk.

Bouttimeforwine · 05/09/2014 08:49

Off

WinifredTheLostDenver · 05/09/2014 08:54

That's a good analysis, rooty, even if I disagree with the conclusion re BU Grin

I think, as posters said upthread, some of us think this is ok and done don't; as there's a split, there's a good chance the friend is in the former camp rather than having a deliberate plan to rip her mates off. I think it would be a shame if the friendship was poisoned after this!

Original poster
jammyjamjam · 05/09/2014 08:56

I'm back!...been thinking a lot about this, probably more than I originally intended to!
There's been a lot of talk about how much the vouchers are worth, wether they are transferable etc. The fact is that I am upset that my friend decided it was more important to make a profit out of me than to look out for my best interests. That's what it boils down to.

She is doing well financially, if she was struggling I would have thought about it differently. She loves a bargain (nothing wrong with that!) and is very savvy with vouchers, always finds best holiday deals etc. But I am hurt that she actually planned to use and used her tesco vouchers to make a profit out of me and the other 2 mums. She chose not to mention that I could pay in vouchers and she chose to convert her points into entrance tickets for my dd knowing full well that I would give her cash that she would then keep.

I've looked at this in many ways and have taken in your opinions but the truth is that I'm hurt. You don't do that to a friend, you look out for them and always wish the best for them. The 25 pounds are irrelevant, she wasn't looking out for my best interests and that's what's upsetting.

OP posts:
WinifredTheLostDenver · 05/09/2014 08:56

Ps - if you buy vouchers on eBay, aren't they coming with a risk that they will be refused if they are checked against your name/club card when presented? If they carry this risk, then they are worth less than their redemption value for this alone.

WinifredTheLostDenver · 05/09/2014 08:59

Jammy, I'm sorry you're upset.

If she'd said that she was paying with vouchers but wasn't prepared to risk taking your vouchers, so you could either pay £25 for entrance or £25 to her for her vouchers, what would you have done?

mamalino · 05/09/2014 09:07

But jammy, would you take four kids out for the day to a theme park simply to make this "profit" (if you see it as profit!)?

I sure as hell wouldn't! She has done a nice thing for you and your daughter and I sincerely doubt she did it to make money out of you. Still, you know her best, here's an idea - why don't you ask her about it!?

mamalino · 05/09/2014 09:09

Sorry my last sentence sounded more rude than I meant it, I meant you should discuss it with her not randoms on mumsnet Grin

Flipflops7 · 05/09/2014 09:20

If the card holder has to be present then IMO there is no lost opportunity cost to the OP or the others. The buyer is in a position where vouchers and cash are being treated as fungible but only to her as the card holder on that particular occasion. I don't see a problem. It would be different if she was offering to treat the whole group, but she wasn't, was she?

irregularegular · 05/09/2014 09:26

Jammyjam - if that's what you think your friend did then I can understand why you would be upset. And you do know your friend better than us. But there is also definitely a possibility that your friend really and truly didn't intend to 'make a profit' out of you at all. In that case, it would be a shame to spoil a friendship over a misunderstanding.

Original poster
jammyjamjam · 05/09/2014 09:27

No, I'm sure she didn't take the kids out to make a profit, that's not what I meant. I'm not going to stop being friends with her because of this and I'm not going to discuss it with her, what's done is done. But unfortunately I see her in a different light, I'm sure I'll forget about it soon, but I can't help feeling she was a bit sneaky and instead of looking out for me she thought she'd be clever and look out to make some cash. Of course that's not the reason she took the kids out but at some point she must have thought...

' I'll get entrance tickets with my points and ask them for cash', when the right thing would have been
'I'll let them know they can use their points for entrance tickets and if they haven't got any I'll use mine.'
Or even 'well, I'll use my points but I'll only get 20 pounds for the entrance or I'll buy them lunch just to pass on the benefits'

Now I'm even imagining what she was thinking! Not good!
I gues I'm upset that she looked out for herself instead of looking out for me

OP posts:
Flipflops7 · 05/09/2014 09:28

That said, if it were me I might have taken less cash from the other mothers, but then you are in a really grey area between £6.25, the discounted price, and £25, the full price. Hard to imagine anyone being happy :)

Flipflops7 · 05/09/2014 09:31

Exactly your point OP on the £20 or lunch idea, to pass on some of the benefit of the discount.

Original poster
jammyjamjam · 05/09/2014 09:34

She should have used her vouchers for herself and her dd and paid with cash what myself and the other mums gave her. There was no need for her to use her tesco points.
If it were me, I would have been upfront about it and charged the other mums a reduced rate fee or maybe even said that I'd but them lunch . I just wouldn't have done what she's done

OP posts:
Original poster
jammyjamjam · 05/09/2014 09:35

agree fitflops

OP posts:
Bouttimeforwine · 05/09/2014 09:40

Ok so now you are blatantly saying you think she should have subsidised you.
Who is grabby again?

MokunMokun · 05/09/2014 09:55

No, she's saying if the other mum asked for 25 pounds to buy entrance tickets then she should have used the 25 pounds to buy the entrance tickets. If she wanted to do something else then she should have discussed it with the OP.

whatever5 · 05/09/2014 10:06

As others have said, there is the cash value of the vouchers on the open market. Apparently half the amount of money that OP handed over. So friend can use her vouchers, buy them back, and have money left over. That is (potential) profit.

I think the price you can get for the vouchers on ebay is probably much lower than the true worth of the vouchers though as they are not meant to be transferable so if you do buy them on ebay you are taking the risk that they may not be usable particularly as the vouchers may have been stolen (this has happened).

nauticant · 05/09/2014 10:12

The buyer is in a position where vouchers and cash are being treated as fungible but only to her as the card holder on that particular occasion. I don't see a problem.

The key word is friend. Many posts seem to miss this. It's not simply a matter of "but the OP didn't lose out in terms of money". It's that the OP loses out in terms of having regard for a friend who she now views of being a little bit too sharp with money in a friendship context.