Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 22 23 24 ··· 31 32

Original poster

My friend kept dds money and used Tesco vouchers

791 replies

jammyjamjam · 03/09/2014 12:24

Hi, ds had inservice yesterday and a friend (a mum from school) offered to take her, her own dd and 2 others to an amusement park, entry fee was 25 pounds. When ds got back in the afternoon, we chatted about the day and it turns out the mum paid for my dd and the 2 other children with Tesco vouchers, ie, she had redeemed her Tesco points to pay for the 4 dcs and then kept 75 pounds form my dd and the 2 other dc. Surely she could have told us that this place took in Tesco vouchers and I could have used my own points and saved the money? I'm grateful that she took dd but surely she should have been upfront about her intention of using vouchers....AIBU?

OP posts:

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 04/09/2014 20:51

bedraggled :( that's pretty crap of them all. However, it sounds like your Mum & Dad at least just didn't think about you being able to use them in another way so them having another 'value' to you as you say they'd have otherwise paid.... so generally nice and not grabby?! Thoughtless rather than calculating.

whatever5 · 04/09/2014 21:46

I wonder whether all the people who claim to see no problem with this have a group of seething acquaintances behind them, who keep swearing blind that they are NOT going out for a meal with them ever again after the way they acted when divvying up the bill

I would have thought that the people who would quibble over what their friend did with their Tesco vouchers even though it didn't effect them are the ones most likely to act up when it comes to divvying up a bill.

nauticant · 04/09/2014 21:47

OP, you do seem to have picked up some persistent nay-sayers on this thread who are keen to tell you are wrong in a few dozen posts all saying the same thing but in slightly different language.

To me the situation is simple. You don't use your friends to make a profitable transaction* without having agreed it with them beforehand. Doing this in an arms' length transaction with strangers might be OK but not with friends.

The acid test to me is what I'd do if I could use boosted value vouchers in a group activity with friends. I'd automatically offer to share my good fortune. I'd be ashamed to benefit from the boosted value secretly and I'd be shame-faced if found out.

No matter what anyone might say, £25 worth of limited use vouchers has less value than £25 in cash.

revealall · 04/09/2014 21:51

*I have a discount card for M&S, that was my grandmothers, who was an employee. As part of their pension the retired workers used to get a discount card. 20% off, up to a couple of thousand per year. I still use it (legitimately, I have checked) and it has about £200 of discount still on it. Once that is used that will obviously be the end of it as my dgm has passed away.

If op had asked me to get her something from M&S that was £25, and while I was there I decided to get something to eat, but had no cash so used my discount card to get a fiver off and kept it, would that be out of order too?

Should the op automatically be entitled to use the last of my deceased gran's pension fund because it hadn't cost me anything?*

If I had given you the money ( like op example) and you had got the discount and pocketed the difference - yes you are a twunt.
Why should the friend pay for your lunch ( unless it was expected you would do the same for her too).

revealall · 04/09/2014 21:51

Sorry bold fail.

CromerSutra · 04/09/2014 22:06

I agree revealall, if this poster was not happy for the other person to benefit from her dgm's discount she should not have used it! You don 't get something for a friend on discount and pocket the difference. That is dishonest.

Lweji · 04/09/2014 22:18

You don 't get something for a friend on discount and pocket the difference. That is dishonest.

It would be if the item was discounted for everyone, as in a sale.
Eg. something on BOGOF, if I had decided to buy one for me, I would only charge my friend for half the price and split the discount.

If the person used a discount card that she could have used at another time to buy something for her, I'd think it's just fair. It would be the same as paying separately for the two items, one with the discount (for me) and the other full price for my friend.

alemci · 04/09/2014 22:19

yes the discount thing is dishonest too. I used to get a discount in a store as both my dds worked there, it said quite clearly that you were not meant to profit from the discount like the M&S free lunch analogy.

Lweji · 04/09/2014 22:24

That's fine if there is no limit on the discount or you were not going to use it.

But the example given was equivalent to having money on a Boots card and using it to pay for goods.
If I have points on my Boots card and I use it to purchase something for a friend I'd expect her to give me the equivalent in cash (unless she was cash strapped and I was feeling very generous).
And I would definitely give her the cash value if she was using her Boots card (even if she was never going to use the points) to buy something for me.

Lweji · 04/09/2014 22:27

When I worked in a shoe shop I got other people shoes with my discount (10% with no limits - or a higher limit that what I would spend) and charged them only the discount, of course.
If I had been given £200 pounds in a card to spend in store, with no time limit, it would have been different.

slithytove · 04/09/2014 22:50

I have 50% discount where I used to work.

I would NEVER have refused to pass on the difference to my friends.

We go to a restaurant where I have a gourmet membership which costs me money annually - I get 241 mains. Once again, I would NEVER take the free one and make my friend pay full price.

I don't see this as any different. OP friend should have told OP she was using vouchers, giving her the chance to decline or offer her own.

It would not have hurt OP friend in the slightest to pay for OP DD ticket with the cash given for that purpose.

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy · 04/09/2014 23:03

"It would not have hurt OP friend in the slightest to pay for OP DD ticket with the cash given for that purpose."

With the outcome that OP's DD had a day out for £25.

dolphinsandwhales · 04/09/2014 23:15

Those tesco boost vouchers are worth a lot. I buy my petrol at tesco and get free meals out all year using the points :-)

slithytove · 04/09/2014 23:32

bland yes, plus the spending money provided by OP, and? That's the norm surely? Isn't that what friends do?

I've assumed OP friend didn't just take DD so she could get cash in return for vouchers, at least I hope not!

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy · 05/09/2014 00:11

Slithy, I was responding to the suggestion that it wouldn't have hurt the friend to use the £25 for the ticket. The net outcome of that for OP would've been £25 spent on the ticket for her DD, which was the exact outcome that happened; the outcome "didn't hurt" OP either.

(Spending money needed in either case so I ignored that)

slithytove · 05/09/2014 00:57

But I think this has hurt OP. She has felt the need to post the thread and is questioning the friendship.

Whereas using the exact payment OP gave for entry, would have done no damage whatsoever.

I mean, surely it's clear that OP's friend did it for her own benefit?

Namechangedforthisohyesidid · 05/09/2014 03:40

wow this thread has totally
Divided people.
OP I posted earlier but just wanted to say that I have asked other people's opinions too and everyone has said it was out of order and in addition a couple said that would signal the end of the friendship as it is totally unacceptable behaviour.

I suppose you just have to think would you want to be friends with someone who would do something like that without asking. I for one wouldn't at all, and I know that the people I count as my close friends wouldn't do someone like that without asking.

if I had twigged that situation and I knew a friend was short of money I would suggest it as a way of helping them out, but I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who didn't see that it was dishonest and innapropriate.

If someone thinks it's ok to do and the OP is being U, then that's fine too, but I think you treat people like you want to be treated so good luck to you all.

also, bwwwaaaaaahahhahaha to all the people who said they would swap tesco vouchers for cash. That's the point isn't it. They aren't the same and anyone who keeps labouring the point and making out they are is ridiculous.

redshifter · 05/09/2014 05:18

This thread is doing my head in. I am thinking one way then read another post and think the opposite.

One thought going through my mind right now is that OP said if she had known she could have used clubcard points she would have used them for her DD to save herself money. She also said that she has points coming out of her ears. Shouldn't she have first thought to use all her points for all the tickets so everyone saved, especially her friend actually going to theme park? No, it seems she would only want to use them for her own DD and not use them all up on other people.
So the points are not as worthless to her as she thinks they are to her friend who she thinks should have used all her points for others benefit.

This is why I have finally decided that OP is BU.

Will probably change my mind if someone responds to this post.

thewrongmans · 05/09/2014 05:33

so when it is your turn to take her children out for the day, you could do the same. This is really not a big deal.

revealall · 05/09/2014 06:07

Whether the Op's gets the chance to do the same will be the final test of the friend knowing exactlywhat she was doing though won't it?

What's the betting that if Op suggests going for a meal/ theme park etc Op's friend doesn't offer cash like the Op but insists on using her vouchers?

...and it's not the point to say the Op should have offered friends her vouchers. We have no idea if Op had just spent hers in the summer holiday or hadn't had them through.
She gave cash and the friend should have paid in cash. Not pocketed the cash and used vouchers that didn't cost her as much.

Lweji · 05/09/2014 06:45

The OP said she had vouchers she could have used.
And one of the issues was that she felt the friend was responsible for telling her she could have used them. It was not.
And I'd still like to know what the OP would actually have done in the reverse situation and how many times she has passed on savings from her points to her friends.
While the morals might be discussed, the OP didn't lose anything (except by not being savvy enough to check if she could have used her points) and any gains for the OP would have meant a loss to her friend. As it happened, thr op didnt lose and the friend may have benefited or stayed the same (depending on argument) So, I do think that, unless the friendship was already on shaky ground, I'd let it go.
So, on being petty and graby stakes I think the op sounds worse than her friend.

WinifredTheLostDenver · 05/09/2014 06:46

Slithy, it's hurt the OP's feelings, clearly. But that's normally not how the phrase "it wouldn't hurt to..." Is used.

No one has said they'd be happy to be paid their whole salary in vouchers, FFS. But if a friend owed me money and I was off to get something from M&S and they knew that and suggested paying me back with an M&S voucher they have, then that would be fine with me as it would be just as useful for my purpose as cash. How about you?

WinifredTheLostDenver · 05/09/2014 06:48

"What's the betting that if Op suggests going for a meal/ theme park etc Op's friend doesn't offer cash like the Op but insists on using her vouchers?"

This is based on... nothing. And the Tesco vouchers are not transferable, as has been said several times.

pettybetty · 05/09/2014 07:09

Still would like to know
1)how the dd knew vouchers were used for all tickets and
2) if any underhand behaviour was intentional surely the whole transaction would have been hidden from the 3 paying kids?

jackydanny · 05/09/2014 07:13

If you are reading OP, yabu.
And as tight as the bark on a tree.

Flip

1 2 ··· 22 23 24 ··· 31 32