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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend kept dds money and used Tesco vouchers

791 replies

jammyjamjam · 03/09/2014 12:24

Hi, ds had inservice yesterday and a friend (a mum from school) offered to take her, her own dd and 2 others to an amusement park, entry fee was 25 pounds. When ds got back in the afternoon, we chatted about the day and it turns out the mum paid for my dd and the 2 other children with Tesco vouchers, ie, she had redeemed her Tesco points to pay for the 4 dcs and then kept 75 pounds form my dd and the 2 other dc. Surely she could have told us that this place took in Tesco vouchers and I could have used my own points and saved the money? I'm grateful that she took dd but surely she should have been upfront about her intention of using vouchers....AIBU?

OP posts:
CatThiefKeith · 04/09/2014 11:22

Duh, I meant she probably spent 30/quid on fuel and extras.Blush

KneeQuestion · 04/09/2014 11:22

I also wouldn't condemn this woman based on the word of a child who may have simply seen this woman using tesco vouchers for her and her childs entrance.

How can you be sure she used them for everyones entrance?

GummiberryJuice · 04/09/2014 11:25

How can you equate it to childcare the op didnt ask herfriendto mind her dd. the friend offered to take the children on a day out. She was given the money to pay for ticket and food etc and a bottle of ine as a thank you.

The friend could have paid for the ops dd with the money and used her vouchers to treat her own family in a different way but she didnt she used 6.25 of tesco vouchers to get the ops dd in and kept the £25 cash.
I can't believe there are people who can't see that's a bit off!

GummiberryJuice · 04/09/2014 11:27

*wine

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 04/09/2014 11:30

She spent £6.25 to buy a £25 'voucher', she had the option of using this £25 voucher at the theme park, at restaurants etc. She exchanged this £25 voucher for £25 cash. She used her voucher to get the child into the theme park and kept the cash. It makes NO difference to the OP whether this Mum used it at the theme park or at a restaurant. None whatsoever.

Those of you saying the 'other mum' was wrong to have done this, if you were given a gift voucher for your birthday and chose to buy a gift for someone else for their birthday instead of something for yourself, would that be wrong too? If not, why not & what's the difference?

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 04/09/2014 11:33

The friend could have paid for the ops dd with the money and used her vouchers to treat her own family in a different way but she didnt

No so now she doesn't have that £25 voucher to use on her family, she has £25 cash to use on her family. What difference does it make to the OP?

KneeQuestion · 04/09/2014 11:33

She spent £6.25 to buy a £25 'voucher', she had the option of using this £25 voucher at the theme park, at restaurants etc. She exchanged this £25 voucher for £25 cash. She used her voucher to get the child into the theme park and kept the cash. It makes NO difference to the OP whether this Mum used it at the theme park or at a restaurant. None whatsoever

Bang on.

MissBattleaxe · 04/09/2014 11:34

I'm with CatTheifKeith. £25 to take my child to a theme park with other kids, without me having to go- I really wouldn't care if she kept the money or not. I'd be thrilled at the massive favour and wouldn't be nit picking about whether she used vouchers or not.

NB- the bit I'd like the most is the "without me having to go" bit. Totally worth the money. I'd happily give her more than £25 and tell her to keep the change. What a nice thing to do!

And yes, the OP only has the word of a child as to who was paid for with vouchers and who wasn't.

queensansastark · 04/09/2014 11:35

If you are bothered so much by this OP, maybe it would be best for both of you not to be friends.

whatever5 · 04/09/2014 11:35

This thread keeps going around and around in circles.... I'm amazed by the warped logic of some people.

queensansastark · 04/09/2014 11:35

Exactly what latte lover says.

GummiberryJuice · 04/09/2014 11:38

Because again the £25 voucher is not costing her £25 in the first place!

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy · 04/09/2014 11:38

Here is what she could have done:

"I'm using vouchers for me and DC, shall I use vouchers for yours too and you give me the £25?"

"I'll get my own vouchers for DD."

"Oh, they're not transferable so I'm not comfortable with that. Just give me cash for her then."

"Or you could use vouchers and I'll give you £20."

"No, that's fine, I'll use my vouchers for DC another day or for pizza or something.

queensansastark · 04/09/2014 11:39

But she could have spent that £25 voucher somewhere else on something else.

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy · 04/09/2014 11:39

(Posted too soon)

"...so if you give me £25 I'll just keep my vouchers for another time. Thanks!"

Would you have found that exchange unreasonable, Op?

Lweji · 04/09/2014 11:40

I do think it's a bit of a grey area, but the fact is that it didn't make the OP worse off in any way.
Passing off the savings onto the OP would have made the friend worse off (less cash and less vouchers) while benefiting the OP.
And the OP should have bothered to check up if she could have used her vouchers instead of forking out £25. The friend did not have to tell the OP she could spend points there.

So:
a) as it is: OP=0, friend=1 (or zero, depending on the perspective)
b) charging the other children only £6 pounds per ticket: OP=1, friend= -1

Original poster
jammyjamjam · 04/09/2014 11:44

Round and round we go!!!!
I think Topaz put it very well....my friend used a voucher worth 6.25 for my dd and I gave her 25 pounds. She did the same for 2 other children so she ended the day with 75 pounds. She planned all this the week before and has kept quiet about it.
If someone said to you...would you like a 6.25 voucher from Tesco that you can redeem for 25 pounds in a few places or 25 cash....hmmm...tough one

OP posts:
whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 04/09/2014 11:45

She did get a discount. It is a deal between Tesco and the amusement park to get cheap entry. Similarly with using them in restaurants etc. If they are worth the cash, why are they going on eBay for less than their list price? She got a good deal that she didn't pass on or even mention to anyone else. This has been asked repeatedly but I still haven't seen an answer: if the vouchers really are worth that much why did she not keep them herself and use the money that had been given to her as it was intended? What was her motive for using vouchers rather than the cash?

As far as saying the OP has only herself to blame for not looking for discounts, you're being ridiculous. The conversation probably went something like this:

"I was planning on taking the kids out to a theme park for the day, would your DD like to come?"
"That would be fantastic thank you."
"Great. The entry fee is £25."
"No problem, DD will bring that along with her."

If the OP knew that you could use vouchers or there were offers on, then she might have said something. But she didn't. I certainly wouldn't then start hunting around to see if there are deals to be had. It would seem a bit rude and interfering for a day that someone else had planned.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 04/09/2014 11:47

Because again the £25 voucher is not costing her £25 in the first place!

It doesn't matter what it cost her, it matters what else she could have done with it and perhaps that's why the two sides of this debate will never agree.

CatThiefKeith · 04/09/2014 11:48

Maybe the other mum was skint after the long school holidays, had the club card points but not the cash to cover petrol/lunch/extras and wanted to give her dd a lovely day out with her friends?

whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 04/09/2014 11:51

"It doesn't matter what it cost her, it matters what else she could have done with it and perhaps that's why the two sides of this debate will never agree."

She exchanged it for cash. If you were to do that on ebay you'd get half the value. So that is about what it is worth. If you want to cash in your vouchers you stick it on ebay or similar, you don't use your friends to make far more from it than you could do otherwise.

queensansastark · 04/09/2014 11:51

It's a perfectly logical and sound decision what the friend did, but if the Op choose to read slyness and bad intentions behind it, then be all petty and judgy about it, it's just toxic to the friendship.

whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 04/09/2014 11:52

It is toxic to a friendship when your friend decides to make money out of you yes.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 04/09/2014 11:53

voucher worth 6.25

No, she used a voucher worth £25. She could have spent that £25 voucher elsewhere.

It cost her £6.25 to buy the voucher, once she bought the voucher it was worth £25 and hers to do with as she pleased. In this instance she swapped £25 cash for £25 voucher. No big deal.

If your friend had a £25 supermarket voucher given to her for her birthday, but she really wanted something from M&S and couldn't otherwise afford it, if you could use the voucher for your weekly shop wouldn't you swap it or would you say 'No, I'll have it, but as it didn't cost you anything, I wont give you £25 for it' ??

queensansastark · 04/09/2014 11:54

It is toxic if you choose to see it that way yes.

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