To wonder how it is affordable to be a SAHM?

[Moobieboobie]

This is not a WOHM vs SAHM debate but am genuinely curious ....... I am on mat leave with DC2 and keep being asked if I am returning to work. I would love to stay at home this time round but sadly this is not a possibility as both myself and DH earn roughly the same thus my salary is 50% of the household costs. We would not receive any benefits etc as we would still be above the threshold even without my salary. If there is someway around this please let me know as I will try anything!!

I was a SAHM for six years.

For us it was doable in the short term but you are vulnerable if something happens to your partner's job.

There's also a sort of accumulation of things that need buying, jobs that need doing. The car, the washing machine, unexpected expenses - we need a new roof!

But I enjoyed those years. I'm glad I did it. And I'm back in week full time and enjoying that too.

I do wonder re the "heavens childcare takes up one salary how awful"stance.

Decent childcare costs,cheap childcare is not the way to go as it will undoubtably have an impact on quality.

Parents know when ttc that somebody will have to look after that child and it will gave a financial impact on family finances whether it be though the loss of 1 income or childcare.

This throwing up of hands in shock on ringing round nurseries and expecting society to sort it out doesn't get a lot of my sympathy tbf.Families up and down the land look ahead,plan and are creative using a variety of means during what is a temporary time.

I think teenagers should be taught in school to look ahead and realise that having children costs a shed load of money which it will be their responsibility and theirs alone to provide.

Back to the op,I hope you come up with something that suits you all.

Don't live in London, marry young, a very clever man, who gets lucky in finding well paid work, live somewhere far from parents, with no childcare.

Accept you'll either have a nice house or holidays (we do the later) and your DC won't go to private school.

What really baffles me...why do so many women say "MY salary doesn't cover childcare costs" - surely this is seen as a shared expense? It just devalues women's economic contribution so much.

surely you are being obtuse for the sake of it - "baffles" - really? - what is meant is that one person's salary does not cover childcare - and yes it is often the woman's - but not always. So it is the equivalent of that person PAYING to work... and on top of that having all the associated childcare hassles that just disappear when one parent does the childcare from home.

not everyone has a highly paid profession that is hard to re-enter after being a SAHM either.

Well for us, me going out to work while we had young children at home was never going to be an option. We both had SAHMs when we were growing up (MIL never went back and that is DHs preferred option but that is another story). We got ourselves into the position where we knew we could comfortably live on his salary before we started TTC. He was made redundant when I was pregnant with our second but quickly found another job. We don't go without anything, we have a modest home in a reasonably pricey part of the Midlands, we holiday twice a year in England have some luxuries (virgin tv, mobile phones, two cars, take away once a week). DH earns just under 16k we don't claim tax credits on principle, it was a matter of deciding what was important to us.

I agree JustAShopGirl.

I can not afford to go to work, as I/we can not afford childcare for 3 children and the costs of going to work. I've/we have looked into working around dh but he on call every other week and could involve him having to go in to work. So at the moment it is just not feasible.

I think it depends if your wage goes towards necessary things like rent/mortgage & bills or extras like holidays etc. We inherited some money so were able to pay off our mortgage. DH's wage easily covers all bills and typical spending, plus we have savings for big things like buying new furniture. We figured that all my wage would be used for is childcare bills and luxuries therefore I stayed at home and when all DC are in school I will go back to work and we will have extra money for more expensive holidays/clothes etc.

Thanks - lots of ideas most of which we have previously considered. I just wanted to see if there was any options I had missed. We do budget sensibly and have a low frills lifestyle we go on a UK holiday every couple of years not months(!) and have cut back on other all aspects. We bought our house many years ago so our mortgage is low for London standards but still about a 1/4 of our income. I still have another couple of months to consider options part- time may be one. I have worked part- time previously and found it very stressful in my profession as the workload/expectations did not decrease so I was effectively doing many more hours without the pay so I reverted back to full time. I suppose I have to considered whether it as an essential option for the family at this time and whether It is just wistful thinking on my part. I have always worked with my other DC and life is hectic but manageable and they have turned out fine!

When deciding whether to continue working after DC2 was born, I worked out that my salary would just about cover childcare, petrol and a cleaner. However, as this would only be for a few years, it would be worth it to keep my job open.

I did eventually decide to become a SAHM (for a myriad of reasons, not because I was desperate to become one), but the only reason we could manage this was because I had worked and saved hard for nearly 20 years before having my first DC so could put the 50% deposit down on our house, thus reducing the mortgage repayments. Even now, when we need to replace an old car or do something expensive in the house, I have to cash in a savings scheme/shares (although I realise they will run out eventually). If I'd had a baby 10 years previously, I doubt I'd have had this option.

I agree with some posters that the thought of never being able to afford a holiday, replace a car that's at breaking point, days out that cost £50, have a hair cut, constantly buy from the value ranges etc really does not fill me with joy. If the option was that or return to work, I'd definitely rather work.

op, TBH I dont think you're serious about wanting to SAH, you sound like you're just tinkering with the idea.

I am a SAHM and a part time student doing two evenings a week. I can't afford childcare fees to go back to work, so it's cheaper for me to be at home. I actually would like to work but it was possible so I've gone back to studying instead.

Would your workplace consider a sabbatical for you? So you have longer at home but can still go back.

"So basically, it's really affordable if you've not been very successful but are married to someone who has been. "

Ouch, that sounds a bit painful but so true! I agree about relying on the mans wage though. Mid 40's and so many of my close friends have split in the past few years (seems contagious). I don't work but it does leave me in a uncertain situation if anything happened.

Statistics show that those that stay at home are mostly either in the poorest socio-economic group (doesn't pay to work, benefits) or richest socio-economic group (one partner is high earner).

Make of that what you will.

I don't know where I'm going wrong, I work f/t, so does my husband, I still don't have designer handbags, foreign holidays and I have to shop at Lidl! Life is expensive, whichever way you cut it these days.

OP I'm in the same position. Dc2 starting daycare and just about to go back to work full time. My partner and I both make good salaries circa 50k but life is expensive (not designer handbags), we have debts and we are trying to put extra money away for pension and retirement as well as Univ funds for our 2 DDs. I am very aware that my 8 year old might be starting Uni in less than 10 years and it will be expensive then. Uni costs keep me up at night and I'm surprised it doesn't worry others as much.

I lose half my salary to daycare and at times I would love to be a SAHM but I need to think about the future and would never feel comfortable relying on a man 100% for income. I also try to be frugal but would find the daily grind of serious frugality too much if we were just on one income.

More importantly I think it is critical to put money aside for retirement and the future. Those people who have written that they are getting by but that means they have no pension. Ouch! Your decision to SAH may be 'your business as you do what's best for my family'. But actually if you have no pension and no plans for retirement then it'll be the state intervening to help you in your retirement right?? So it's everyone's business.

We dabbled with the idea of me not going back after ds2. I took extended maternity leave (the full 12 months, plus 12 weeks holidays - two years worth) so was off for 15 months.

But for a year when I went back we had ds1 in part time school then cm in the afternoons and ds2 in the cm all day for 3 days a week. The costs were more than my salary until ds1 went full time.

So many people told me we were stupid, we were £300 a month worse off that if I had been a SAHM. But after that first year, things eased when ds1 was ft. Now two years later, ds2 has just started reception and our after school childcare costs are a fifth of what they were.

I've still had salary increases and kept my job. Had I quit and been looking again now I would have started with a massive salary drop and would have been worse off long term.

I do agree that childcare costs are much easier once the children are at school (depending how many you have). It's only the nursery pain to get through in terms of totally wiping out your salary.

School hours are a pain for a whole different reason, namely because schools appear to run based on a parent being at home (reception integration taking half a term, endless events in the day, half days at strange times). But overall, it's cheaper and once they get to secondary they don't really need after-school care at all.

If you want to stay home, I'd be looking at if you could do out of hours work (if teacher, tutoring etc) or part-time or weekend work. I'd also look at nursery/cm costs and factor that in, plus traveling (running second car expensive) and so on. I don't know anyone in London who has an average professional job though and don't both work, at least part time.

Uni costs do not bother me because student borrowing is the cheapest form of finance EVER and according to statistics most students will never have to pay it all back.

it has a 30 year life - after the first April after graduation and does not have to be repaid on death or if deemed unfit for work. You only pay 9% of earnings over £21,000 too - so £90 PER YEAR per thousand over £21K

All they need to cover- or you need to cover if you are that way inclined - is living expenses - same as always..

I agree with William - for us, the decision wasn't just about what we could afford now, but what it would mean for our financial future as a family.

We could just about make ends meet right now if I was a sahm, but the loss of pension contributions, the risk of falling behind in an industry that is constantly changing, and the thought of not being able to help our dcs through university were what made the decision for us.

Thing is Shopgirl that student loans just don't cover everything. Some are means tested, and parents are expected to pay towards their dcs at university.

It's do able but can be hard. It was a whole lifestyle change and budgeting/ being frugal works for us. Meal planning is a must, we buy clothes only when needed and mostly second hand. Same with things we need, scour car boots etc for household things. Buy in bulk where possible. Use Tesco clubcard, save points and when they have a boost points option buy presents to put away for Xmas/birthdays. We also try to put by a little each month as our savings have dwindled.

In our case it took a lot of belt tightening helped by the fact that, after nursery fees x2 there wouldn't have been that much more money anyway.

I don't regret it but have to admit I was quite please yesterday when we switched the hot water on for the first time in 5 years.

When I read some of the posts about the sacrifices that have had to be made and the way people are having to live in order to allow a SAHP and I feel shocked by this.

Can I ask if those who make such sacrifices do it because they HAVE to be a SAHP because childcare can't be afforded or if you are CHOOSING this way of life in order to be at home with your children.

Justashop - the thing is we have no idea what univ fees will be in future, if loans will be available or if the terms for repayment will be the same. In 10 years time it could be that the sector feels much more privatised and student funding is less available. the Student Loans Company is pretty much bankrupt anyway. I can see the signs that the UK will adopt a much more US based model.

It's the same for pensions. We have no idea if state pensions for all will even be available. Relying on income from the state (from tax credits to state pensions) is pretty precarious planning when the state can 'take it away' in one quick policy change.

That's why I think if you can work you really should try to. If you think it's tough being frugal as a SAHM it's even suckier having to be a super frugal pensioner.