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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder how it is affordable to be a SAHM?

502 replies

Moobieboobie · 01/09/2014 21:03

This is not a WOHM vs SAHM debate but am genuinely curious ....... I am on mat leave with DC2 and keep being asked if I am returning to work. I would love to stay at home this time round but sadly this is not a possibility as both myself and DH earn roughly the same thus my salary is 50% of the household costs. We would not receive any benefits etc as we would still be above the threshold even without my salary. If there is someway around this please let me know as I will try anything!!

OP posts:

crazylady321 · 01/09/2014 22:02

As others have said its all down to budgetting, making cut backs and living the modest life.

I made the decision to go back to been a sahm a few weeks ago I was only working part time but was topped up by tax credits this was as a single parent. Having taken the leap to move in with my partner a few months ago I was actually lots worse off and struggling but due to struggling with the job with childcare throught the summer holidays and struggling with working on my feet while pregnant (doctor thought i was starting with spd, but eased off since stopped working) I took the decision to quit. Not that much better off but we are now entitled to a bit of working tax which is a help and also waiting on an housing benefit decision although calculator only says we will get 12 it all adds up doesnt it.

SomeSunnySunday · 01/09/2014 22:04

When we did the sums, me becoming a SAHM was pretty much cost neutral to us. I had a fairly well paid job, but we live rurally so I had a commute to finance, and my work hours were long and unpredictable so we needed to employ a nanny - nursery hours just didn't work (although tbh there wasn't a huge price difference between nursery for 2 DC and a nanny). I'm now expecting DC3 and while I'd like to go back to work in the nearish future, I'm in the ridiculous position that I can't actually afford to work - we would pay more in childcare (again would need to be a nanny because of wrap around issues for elder DCs' school and nursery) than I could hope to earn.

Cheeky76890 · 01/09/2014 22:09

We cut back. made very cheap meals like Dahl, bought everything second hand, never went on holiday, elongated our mortgage term, stopped buying coffees out. We did other free stuff instead.

Writerwannabe83 · 01/09/2014 22:09

I often wonder this too.

I am currently on maternity leave and there is no way we could cope without my salary.

We can't even afford to have a 2nd child because we can't afford for me to stay at home but nor could we afford childcare for two children. It makes me quite sad at times.

MaryWestmacott · 01/09/2014 22:09

Well, if I worked or not, we'd be living off DHs wage because with 2 dcs in childcare and commuting costs, we'd be only £90 a month better off than me not working. We also in the situation where DHs wage is too high to get any help.

So basically, it's really affordable if you've not been very successful but are married to someone who has been.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 01/09/2014 22:10

DH and I used to earn approx equal amounts each and therefore there was no way I was going to be a SAHM even if I had wanted to, we could cover childcare and run two cars on two salaries but would have been strapped on one. I felt a bit frustrated by my perceived lack of choice and used to compare my situation to my friend who earned about a tenth of what her DH did so it made no sense for her to work - she had as little choice as I did and was equally frustrated, you just have to do what's best for your own circumstances.

ChangelingToday · 01/09/2014 22:11

Dh is in a higher tax bracket so my working would mean big taxes, then commuting costs and Childcare, after all that we worked out I'd be coming home with a couple hundred euro a month. I'm hoping to work from home soon, re-training. Dying to get back to work!

arethereanyleftatall · 01/09/2014 22:13

Lol marywestcott, you're so right! For the first time ever, having a shit salary actually worked in my favour when making the decision to be a sahm.

steff13 · 01/09/2014 22:18

Unfortunately, I think a lot of times it takes planning. If you eventually want to stay at home, you don't want to set yourself up so your salary is required to cover 50% of the household expenses.

If you really want to stay at home, just track your expenses for a month, and then look where you can cut back. I am not sure, but a holiday every couple of months seems a bit excessive, so maybe start there? Groceries are also an easy place to cut back. You can shop around for cheaper car insurance, mobile phone service, etc.

Magpiemystery · 01/09/2014 22:23

It's easily affordable if your dh earns enough, to cover everything.

morethanpotatoprints · 01/09/2014 22:25

I think if you can look at getting the outgoings reduced then a high income isn't so important.
The basic needs of food and shelter can be reduced greatly by a change of location and how you shop.
Then if there is anything else you can afford luxuries.
clothes are cheap if you shop at budget shops, high St in the sales, and avoid designer prices.
Asking what do we need, rather than what do we want is important too if you want to be a sahp to a low income earner.

OscarWinningActress · 01/09/2014 22:27

We lived on just DH's salary before having kids (we both agreed on me staying at home) and didn't buy our first property until after we had DD (I was 26). Then he was able to work long hours, do more travel etc and tripled my salary within a year.

MrsJossNaylor · 01/09/2014 22:27

My DH is a SAHP. I earn £30k. This just about covers everything. After bills etc we have about £300 a month left for petrol, food, nappies, all day-to-day spending.

We don't go on holidays abroad, don't eat out, don't have trips out, don't have new clothes. But we are very, very happy and so is DS.

HavanaSlife · 01/09/2014 22:28

We are in the east Midlands, rent or mortgage is quite cheap where we are. Dp earns 49k but was on about 30-36 when I became. A sahm, nursery would be about 1000 a month so more than I earned. We have holidays in this country.

BlackeyedSusan · 01/09/2014 22:31

here we live in a flat that needs doing up rather than a house.

and yes there are a lot of cutbacks.

I do not pay for a haircut, nor currently do the children.
we do not have a tumble dryer or dishwasher.
the heating goes on rarely, though living in a flat is warmer as Mr downstairs has his heating on..
cutting back on food shopping.
holidays once per year, uk, eat in not out suplemented by sharing with relative.
max four takeaways per year and eating out once per school holiday/twice in summer,
taking advantage of free activities and museums.
grandparent pays for music lessons.
not spending much on adult christmas presents
clothes from charity shops/supermarket sales/passed on for children

we are not southeast. I could earn more than childcare currently. doubt it would have made sense when two children were both not at school.

It is all about individual circumstances, for some it works out, for some it does not.

Hopefully · 01/09/2014 22:42

Lifestyle changes, accepting not being able to buy/holiday abroad/get takeaways/whatever, living in a smaller house, being a WAHM and squeezing in work from 9-11pm most nights (I do this). It's all just down to choices for many people (not everyone),

slithytove · 02/09/2014 02:20

I would say as soon as childcare costs more than a salary, it becomes more affordable to stay at home.

sanfairyanne · 02/09/2014 02:21

the more kids you have, the more affordable it is. 3 young kids means you need to earn more than a couple of thousand after tax to even break even on work

wobblyweebles · 02/09/2014 03:16

I am in the US, and the tax system is set up so that if one person doesn't work then their partner can take all the tax allowances. That helps...

JoandMax · 02/09/2014 03:21

We made a lot of lifestyle changes and moved out of London to a new build semi in a fairly non-descript commuter town, our mortgage was only a third of our previous rent! It wasn't somewhere we'd ideally have lived but saving that amount of money made a huge difference but it was hard for DH as his commute went from 20 minutes to 1.5 hours......

We had a tight couple of years, enough money to pay bills and essentials but no holidays etc then DH had a couple of promotions and now we have a good lifestyle again.

however · 02/09/2014 04:53

Well, financially it's all down to income vs expenses, innit? The acceptable ratio of one to the other is different, for different couples.

googoodolly · 02/09/2014 05:04

I'm going to be a SAHM. My salary doesn't cover childcare costs, plus DP works irregular hours, so it would be impossible for me to get a job that fits around his shifts, simply because they change every single week and can change with a couple of days notice.

It's a choice we've made together. He doesn't earn much (just over £17k) but we'll qualify for tax credits and other help from the state which will push our income up. We both want a parent to stay home, so we'll make whatever sacrifices are necessary.

I can understand that's not doable in London or other big cities, though.

chocnwine · 02/09/2014 06:33

I don't think it is doable for everyone. Dp earns 25k, two children, mortgage. No way we could live on one salary. We have not been on holiday for 8 years, hardly days out, no meals out. 1 small old car. We life very frugal on 2 incomes.

Iggi999 · 02/09/2014 06:48

I am getting ready to go out to work and hating it at the moment. However this thread has made me feel a bit better as there is no way I can feel happy without an annual holiday (or two, caravan park fine), being able to buy a latte out and get some new (supermarket) clothes. I've found maternity leaves so damn expensive as I have 7 day access to shops, not to mention the price of soft plays on rainy days! Part time might be the perfect compromise though. When posters say they are better off not working, this for some isn't the case over the next 20 years, if your job is hard to get back into or if you had any hopes for promotion.

scottishmummy · 02/09/2014 06:49

One can reduce finances do the full no thrills,but if that isn't enough it isnt enough
I suppose do the finances paper exercise see what's achievable
And I think a life eked out,is probably quite dreary.esp. as it then decreases work experience

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