To wonder how it is affordable to be a SAHM?

[Moobieboobie]

This is not a WOHM vs SAHM debate but am genuinely curious ....... I am on mat leave with DC2 and keep being asked if I am returning to work. I would love to stay at home this time round but sadly this is not a possibility as both myself and DH earn roughly the same thus my salary is 50% of the household costs. We would not receive any benefits etc as we would still be above the threshold even without my salary. If there is someway around this please let me know as I will try anything!!

What really baffles me...why do so many women say "MY salary doesn't cover childcare costs" - surely this is seen as a shared expense? It just devalues women's economic contribution so much.

I understand that the cost of childcare can equal or outweigh one salary but in this case, I would see it as an investment in the future, pension, better on CV etc.

Like other people has said, this situation depends so much on housing costs which vary so greatly.

It was fairly simple really. Outgoings on childcare and train fares were more or less equal to my earnings. Then I fell pregnant again shortly before mat leave from my first baby ended, and going-to-work costs would have been 1.5 times my earnings. So I didn't go back.

We manage on one salary because we have to. That's not to say I think everyone should be able to manage on one salary, but we can thankfully.

I am very thankful that we can afford for me to be a SAHM as having a disabled child it would be impossible to get childcare during holidays as nowhere would take her.
Even if I did work outside of the home my wage would never cover childcare for my non disabled child never mind my disabled child.

Mama, our finances (and therefore childcare) are shared, but when one salary is wiped out entirely plus a portion of the second salary, it seems pointless both parents flogging out to work. My DH earns three times what I was earning.

Sorry, to answer your question more, we waited until we knew that we would be able to afford for myself to work in the home SAHM before we had our children as we knew that childcare would be a problem.

Move out of London, one parent commutes in. Housing costs are lower then, so you can get a mortgage on one salary. Then budget carefully. My DH earns under £30,000 but we manage fine. Once DC are at school I will look for something part time so we can have more luxuries.

I feel richer now I'm pretty much a SAHM than when I was working part time. Less petrol costs. No expenditure on work clothes and extras. Less exposure to advertising. Less takeaways as I was too exhausted to cook.

To some being a sahm isn't a life being eked out but living life to the fullest.The benefits for many outweigh any negatives.

Op it's cutbacks,life planning and different priorities.

Op off the top of my head have you done the following:-

Got rid of 1 car(ensure it's reliable but no need for a new one with monthly payments)
Got rid of all dd you can eg Sky,phones etc(Freeview,payg Tesco phone and Netflix at a push are great)
Switched to Lidl(we only spend £70 a week for 5 and eat well)
Got a decent coffee maker(a cheap stove top produces fab coffee and cuts the need for coffee out)
Got rid of debt
Got a tent
Downsized your house as far as you can
Changed your attitude re clothes( nobody really needs hoards of new clothes every season)
Made sure you've got a few like minded friends
Got a library card(you can order brand new books for 50p)
Made sure you squeeze all errands into one day to save petrol
Cut the gadget addiction many have
Cut your water and electricity consumption
Got a decent pair of walking boots,found free places for entertainment and a NT card for your bday

If you've done all the above and the figures still aren't working than maybe it isn't.I may have left some out though.

We're nearly at the end and I'm looking for part time work the tax free salary of which will seem like a huge addition to our coffers after several years on 1 salary.I'll be career changing to something less stressful and a lesser job if you like but it's exactly what I wanted and planned for years ago.You only live once and I'll have had a career,time as a sahm and hopefully a part time job giving me life balance.I always wanted to have all 3.

Tbf though if you can wangle going back part time I'd aim for that,might be easier than trying to break in to the part time market later iykwim.A part time job is the ideal scenario imvho. You get the best of both worlds.

I earned about 1/4 of what dh earned. He'd been watching me as the plan had been for me to return to work 3 days a week. But he did the maths and when I said at 8 weeks that I didn't feel ready to return (in the days of 14 weeks mat leave) he was able to tell me I could stay home if I wanted to.

By the time I had ds, we would never have been able to pay childcare and had no help from grandparents.

When I did return dd was at school, ds had started the school nursery but the childcare was a killer for the 2 years until ds went to school.

What really baffles me...why do so many women say "MY salary doesn't cover childcare costs" - surely this is seen as a shared expense? It just devalues women's economic contribution so much.

I understand that the cost of childcare can equal or outweigh one salary but in this case, I would see it as an investment in the future, pension, better on CV etc.

This ^

We've been very lucky to always be able to afford to get by on less than two FT salaries. This has involved various combinations of FT WOHP/SAHP, student on PhD funding and PT WOHP, currently dh is FT and I am PT but from home with a trip away for a couple of nights every one or two months. We have always lived a pretty modest life, until fairly recently, when we found our income rising quite dramatically and tbh are enjoying being able to do more stuff and I think it would be hard to lose that. The other thing is affordability in the very long term. We could not theoretically afford for me to stop work, but I feel safer keeping my hand in (my earning power is roughly equal to dh's though we are in different industries and I obv earn less as PT) and maintaining my capacity to support us should anything happen to dh. Plus I love my job (which is also a new thing for me) and I would hate to give it up now.

One thing that has contributed to our being able to manage is that we live in a country with decent state-subsidised childcare. The UK childcare situation is, looking in as an expat who has lived away from it all my adult life, utterly bonkers. It's madness that a nursery place can eat up a whole, decent salary.

I know its a cliche, but it does depend a lot on what you are prepared to give up to SAH

If you cant give up paying the rent/mortgage/food/clothes (who can ??) then you will have to work

if you can give up 2 cars, holidays abroad, nights out, shopping now and then, then yes you can probably give up work

Y'day I looked out the window and seen a man dropping his son off at the childminders opposite, at 7.30am, they both looked knackered. His car was brand new with a private reg. I just thought thats why hes working and his son is going to a cm at 7.30. I know its speculating when I haven't a clue about him, but that was my first thought.

Its very personnel to you and what you feel is more important to you.

You do just have to balance priorities, I didn't really want to go back, but did want to keep running two cars (live in a small town in the sticks, friends and family not accessible by public transport, never not had my own car) and maintain career/pension prospects so back I went, ft after DC1 as DH was establishing his own business and pt after DC2, no regrets looking back.

Sorry, that should say 'we could now theoretically afford for me to stop work'

But surely the needs and happiness of children and a family equal or even outweigh future financial benefits.

It's for each family to make their own decisions and conclusions not society as a whole.

Children,families,characters and even jobs vary hugely.There is no one size fits all.

I'm a SAHM mum and we get by. DH earns just under £30k and we have a relatively low mortgage. Our lifestyle meant we never really spent a huge amount anyway, but we have had to make cuts. Our eldest is only two, but we haven't had a proper holiday for nearly ten years as we had to save hard for IVF with ICSI to have him. We got used to going without then, so my staying home hasn't changed many things. Now that we have two children it wouldn't be possible for me to go back to work anyway as childcare would cost more than I'd earn. I'm secretly quite glad about that, I love being at home with them.

Yes seagulls, but what are those needs in each instance? When dh got his current job we had to move to the sticks. This is not an area with a great standard of education or a wide choice of schools. I like being able to provide my children with enriching, stimulating activities (concerts, workshops, music lessons) they wouldn't otherwise get. I also think it is good for them to be exposed to a wide range of experiences. Then, again in our instance, there is the language issue. My children are only exposed to English through me. One speaker is not enough to make a proper native speaker. It is very good for them, linguistically, socially and culturally, to be able to go 'home' to the UK reasonably regularly. My salary pays for those trips.

As you say, each family needs to make their own decisions based on their own circumstances.

I couldn't afford childcare on my wage and only being on a temporary contract, it was easier to SAH.

I'm now looking at going back to work and I still don't know how we can afford the childcare and how I could pick two DC up from two separate facilities each day, let alone afford the cost

moobie, you said earlier

"Family, DH job means that moving out us not really feasible."

do you mean it is feasible, but you dont really fancy it? thats the crux of the matter, doing what you might not quite like but it enables you to stay at home.

You live somewhere where the cost of living is less and property is cheaper

also there's some great advice on the money saving boards here, if you look.

I think often when women say their wage doesn't cover childcare they just mean that even though the childcare cost is coming from the joint pot it still swallows up most or all of the profit of them going back to work. I don't think it necessarily means women see the childcare cost as theirs alone. It's just easier to explain it like that.

There's no point in two people working if once the cost of childcare is split you end up with the joint income either being the same or marginally better - very often that increase is lost in work clothes and petrol!

Of course if someone wants to work then that's different - when dd was little I worked for about £10 profit a week because I wanted to - but if someone doesn't want to then it makes no sense to struggle on for very little financial reward.

Long term perhaps.... but then again why struggle worrying about problems that may or may not happen (redundancy, divorce, illness etc). If we all did that we'd never do anything.

I never had any desire to be a sahm. I loved working part time. Was only thing that kept me sane!!

I work part time and it works well.
I'd love to stay at home particularly as this is my youngest last yeR before school.
Trouble is if I didn't work if not have the money to afford to do stuff with her such as run my car, have days out, take her fir lunch and activities like music group and ballet.
Also the days I work are rewarded by us being able to have nice family holidays/days out/hobbies.
Can you work part time?

I'm a sahm mainly because I can't afford to work - the cost of running a second car (essential, due to where we live) and childcare for two children would outstrip anything I can realistically earn (despite being a graduate with 15 years work behind me). So that's it, decision taken out of my hands.