To wonder how it is affordable to be a SAHM?

[Moobieboobie]

This is not a WOHM vs SAHM debate but am genuinely curious ....... I am on mat leave with DC2 and keep being asked if I am returning to work. I would love to stay at home this time round but sadly this is not a possibility as both myself and DH earn roughly the same thus my salary is 50% of the household costs. We would not receive any benefits etc as we would still be above the threshold even without my salary. If there is someway around this please let me know as I will try anything!!

There are associated costs with going to work like travel, work clothes as well as childcare.

Would it be an option to work part time?

Depends in your outgoings. Usually how much your rent/mortgage is for the area I would say is the main factor.

I've just seen that you live in London and it does make a difference. We've lived both in the South East and in the North - and in the South east we were pretty hard up, running out of money halfway through the month. It could be that you'd have to downsize and move out of London to make it possible? I don't know how practical that is with your dh's work.

I've just handed my notice in at work to not return after my mat leave ends. The cost of full time childcare is the same as the amount I would bring in each month working. We are lucky that we moved from a super expensive city centre flat to a terraced house just a few miles away for half the amount of rent just before dd arrived, so we haven't felt the hit money-wise with me going on statutory maternity pay. I know we are extremely lucky that we aren't tied in to paying an expensive mortgage every month, and can afford for me to stay at home. If we hadn't been able to move house, I would have definitely had to go back to work.

I think lifestyle has a big influence on whether you can afford it. For example a friend of mine is a sahm, her dh is on twice my dh's wage and they have half as many children. They are struggling financially though, the difference between our two families is mostly lifestyle. My friend has expensive tastes, must have items, a beautifully decorated home etc.
I also realize that if you are buying property in an expensive part of the country than there will be more pressure on you to earn in order to pay a bigger mortgage. We live in the north of England and our rent is small by comparison to many places.

Depends on your outgoings obviously.

If you rent a cheap two bed flat above a shop somewhere rural up North it's perfectly do-able.

If you've chosen to buy a property in London on a normalish income, then not so do-able.

You need to cut your cloth yadda yadda yadda.

I live up north by the way. That probably makes a hell of a lot of difference.

I earn more than the childcare costs but after mortgage, bills, food etc there is not much left! We are not living the life of luxury - one car, holiday every couple of months. I deliberately having stated how much our joint income is as I know that I will be told its loads but the cost of living in London is v.high. Family, DH job means that moving out us not really feasible.

moobie

Its not difficult you just make it your priority above everything else if that is what you want.
We are/were quite frugal it is much easier now as we are older and can have some luxuries as well.
You go for a smaller house maybe, not south where it is expensive, have no childcare fees or other working costs, go to one car, no holidays, maybe leave the national grid for a while, just generally live cheaper. Shopping regularly for best deals rather than a home delivery every week or just one big shop.
It is hard when you are just starting out, many of my generation didn't have a pot to piss in, but it does get better and easier.

I'm a sahm and this works financially for two reasons:

1. DH always earned roughly double what I did so his contribution to household expenses was always proportionate to this; therefore less impact when I have up work.

1. We live in an area where costs are v high and this includes childcare - it's somewhere between £8 and £11 per hour depending on whether you opt for nanny or childminder; nursery costs in excess of £100 per day. With 3 DC it makes far more financial sense for me to stay at home!

In my experience, in London, for most families it boils down to whether or not they can afford the childcare.

Those with willing grandparents or free childcare are the most likely to be able to work two jobs, but London is a city full of younger people and most people I know are incomers here and they don't have family nearby.

If you want to pay for two children to go to an unsubsidised decent nursery in London its like the equivalent of earning £35,000 or something.

We afford it for a few reasons:

We made a lot of money on a flat before we had kids so out mortgage is small.
We live in Scotland and not in a big city .
We don't drive new cars.
We don't have expensive holidays.
It was something we really really wanted to do.

Thing is when Ds was born dh was on 23k and out outgoings were pretty much as they are now. We only had one kid instead of two but now the kids have various clubs etc so I reckon about evens out.

Dh earns 38k now and I look back and wonder how the hell we managed before but we did and tbh we aren't exactly rolling in it now thanks to car disasters and an ill dog.

If you really really want to do it I think there's a way of managing for most people .

moobie

Moving wasn't really feasible for us either, we moved 250/300 miles from family because we were prepared to do anything.
It isn't a criticism but if you say you are prepared to do anything then sometimes it means doing what you wouldn't want to do.

Many people have a well paid partner. Some people sacrifice luxuries and don't buy any designer handbags or go on fancy holidays.

Holiday every couple of months?! We haven't had a holiday in about 5 years and even then it was to a caravan at haven for 4 nights in autumn!

We have two dc. Dh earns just above minimum wage and I don't work mainly due to a myriad of health problems but also because I used to have a very highly paid job and I hated it so I was and am happier at home. We just about manage with tax credits and child benefit as well. We have a 12 year old car that cost us £500 when we purchased it and we budget down to the last £ (which I am currently struggling to do a little because our roof needed £5k of work doing and it wiped out our savings so we need to build them back).

But.. part of the reason we manage is because my previous job has meant we have a mortgage which is half that of the average family in the same house. And we relocated from London to south norfolk (commuted at first and now dh works locally).

I think you have to really look at what you want to do long term - could you relocate? Personally I would rather stick pins in my eyes and live on bread and water than ever go back to work! (And I say that as someone who returned to work when my youngest was 4 months old, I was very career minded 11 years ago).

I find it frustrating when people say I'm lucky dh earns so much so that I can be a sahm. No. It's nothing to do with his wage. It's the fact that £35k minus childcare - petrol = negative. Nothing to do with dh!

Some reasonably basic steps help but you do have to swallow your pride/prejudices. Shop at budget supermarkets or at least choose 'value' options. Cook from scratch (which you'll have more time for). Accept that holidays are rare and something to look forward to, rather than something you always do once or twice a year. Recycle and up cycle. It's not always easy but it has worked for us. Good luck.

I have a well paid partner but it was still hard to lose an average London salary on top of that. Still, that's what happens when you have children. They are expensive! Any full time sahp is putting in the sort of hours that would cost you a fortune to outsource.

You say "this time round" so do you have two children? Nursery would be £3k a month or so? In that case everybody with a take home if less than £3k who works the same days/shifts as their partner will be better off if one becomes a sahp. Often whether they want to or not. That's most of the population.

Depends how much you want to afford it.

I do wonder if todays younger generation will ever get that choice, given what it will cost them to get on the property ladder in the first place though.

We can afford it because my OH earns enough to cover our expenses on his salary alone. My salary wouldn't cover childcare so it made sense for me to be a SAHM. I will work again in the future, for the moment though i don't.

arethereanyleft

I agree with you, my dh has only ever earned min or just above min wage.
The cost of working is really expensive for most people.

I think it depends on what a prospective SAHM earns as compared to child care costs, overall family income and whether they want to be a SAHM. I managed a year at home after DC4 after never having more than 6 weeks maternity leave but a) I really didn't enjoy it b) I was rubbish at it and c) it made no sense financially as I earn 2 or 3 times what DH earns and his job is so flexible that child care costs were negligible.

I'm another person who can't afford to work. My youngest son starts school on Wednesday, so I have to start rebuilding a CV so that I can get a job sooner rather than later. I really, really want to be earning my own money again.