To wonder how it is affordable to be a SAHM?

[Moobieboobie]

This is not a WOHM vs SAHM debate but am genuinely curious ....... I am on mat leave with DC2 and keep being asked if I am returning to work. I would love to stay at home this time round but sadly this is not a possibility as both myself and DH earn roughly the same thus my salary is 50% of the household costs. We would not receive any benefits etc as we would still be above the threshold even without my salary. If there is someway around this please let me know as I will try anything!!

janine I was a lecturer in a higher education establishment. I worked like stink: 60/70 hours a week. Obviously quite highly qualified with Pgce, Masters' degree and so on, plus professional body membership.

It simply wasn't compatible with motherhood, so I gave it up, thinking I'd go back, and haven't, yet, really!

As someone who's a SAHM I'd say to any parent to think very carefully about giving up work - a bird in the hand and all that.

I was made redundant whilst on Mat Leave, then DS was seriously ill requiring long hospital stays and recuperation afterwards (hopefully out of the woods now but it has had longer term health implications which still require further monitoring/tests) - a job was the last thing on my mind. Also my parents work ft (being a SAHM is a rarity in my family), MIL doesn't want to know and DH's work isn't flexible and now has to travel so the buck stops with me (even for school drop off/pick up and school holidays) We're happy with this set up for now but I am looking to being self employed when all are at school/finished house renovations.

So that's the way the cookie crumbled for us (for now) but fortunately we live well within our means (we're not high maintenance are a pair of scruffs ). When I worked we bought our house as a doer-upper (and doing most of it ourselves) and we had been overpaying mortgage for years knowing we wanted to have kids but this came at a cost of forgoing holidays etc and have a good amount of savings to tide us over if DH lost his job as well (also DH inherited a small amount of money from his DH not 10,000's but every penny counts and is much appreciated)

Good luck OP, it's hard not to compare or to think the grass is greener, all you can do is the best for you and your family x

I was SAHM fur 6 years. Am back in old profession now. Not at same pay grade but enough to be worthwhile.

It's not all doom and gloom. You can take time out and then go back.

I had a bit of an epiphany on this subject recently. There were several threads over the summer months asking if people liked their jobs, if they'd work if they didn't have to, and the majority view was that people:
A)disliked their jobs.
B) wouldn't work if they didn't have to.
Lightbulb moment of realisation when it dawned on me that the passive aggressive sniping is almost always motivated by envy or resentment where people have no choice but to work.
I haven't bothered on threads like this since, (well, until today!)

Janine I was a senior marketing manager for a luxury cosmetics brand working at the head office in London. I just hated it. All of it. I am naturally very introverted and didn't enjoy having to be around other people all day everyday. I hated the commute. I hated having to work for something I didn't really give a shit about - for me personally I feel being at home is more worthwhile as everything I do is directly related to helping my family, as opposed to some business I don't really have any real interest in (and that goes for all my jobs). Of course you could argue earning money is doing something for the family - I totally understand that - it's just for me personally I felt more fulfilled being at home. I gave up work when I had my second child having always been very career minded previously and I don't regret it at all. Dh on the other hand loves working despite earning a fraction of what I used to so it makes sense that he works and I don't.

Having said all that the fact I did have an extremely well paid job means we have a tiny mortgage and could be mortgage free if we chose to sell up and downsize a little but we like it where we are. So obviously that helps a lot.

I do think having a good career prior to being a sahm helps financially but I don't think it should mean there are no options for those that don't. You just have to see what your budget allows.

I've also been through a high and dry divorce where my ex dh left me in 30k of debt and just buggered off (literally disappeared) and had to downsize dramatically and was made redundant all in the space of 6 months. So like most sahms I'm not naive about what might happen. I just choose to be positive and not worry about what might or might not happen. Who the hell knows?

Janine

I owned a national entertainment company, basically supplying entertainers, musicians, dancers and actors to establishments.
I was also a children's entertainer and dj having learned quite a lot as a coat at holiday camps.
We used to tailor make programmes and packages for individuals too which was a bit of a niche.
I loved it and considering at the time I had no quals at all had done pretty well for myself being a hr tax payer during early twenties.

I gave it all up when ds1 was born as our only choice to continue was a nanny and then the work wasn't really compatible.
I don't regret it for one minute and could have gone back at any time as helping dh has helped me keep up to date and keep contacts.
I don't want to though, the freedom I have as a sahm is priceless.

I was a teacher.

I can't afford to work. Childcare plus travel to work comes to mire than my salary. And it isn't a particularly low salary, so I imagine there are many in this position. so, those who can't afford to be sahm probably earn more than those who have to! Everyone is different, different expenses, priorities etc.

I can't afford to work. Childcare plus travel to work comes to mire than my salary. And it isn't a particularly low salary, so I imagine there are many in this position. so, those who can't afford to be sahm probably earn more than those who have to! Everyone is different, different expenses, priorities etc.

AllSorted

We heard you the first time

I would like to add a friend when working out financial implications of working/sahm calculated her net income and deducted everything she bought because she worked. The nice handbag, the extras for dc at xmas and she said she bought guilt pressies too, coffees, work clothes childcare just from her wage as obviously wouldn't need it if not working, running a second car, petrol.
She ended up with quite a minus, then she took off all the things they could do without or cut back and she realised they could manage quite well without her working.
I think if you look at the cost of work it can be surprising.

As a previous poster mentioned, I think having family to help with childcare makes all the difference. Of all my friends who had children, about 80% of them worked, albeit virtually all of them worked part time. Of my friends who worked, the overwhelming majority had family who helped out with childcare.

In fact, out of all my friends, only one put their children in and paid for childcare full time. Everyone else did a combination of part time working / family helping with childcare / shift working (or hybrid parenting ) etc.

As for affordability, I think age comes in to a lot of it. I'm in my late 30s. Most of my friends who are a few years older than me have similiar sized houses (modest modern 3 beds) but have approx half the mortgage I've got. They were lucky enough to buy in the early 90s before house prices rose massively. We bought out first house at the end of the 90s, after prices rose massively, so our mortgage is double some of our friends for exactly the same sized house (and I bought my first house within a year of leaving uni). But again, we have friends who bought houses a few years after us (early - mid 2000s), they have similar sized mortgages to us, but their houses are a lot smaller than ours.

My friends who tend to be able to afford to be SAHM tend to be older (40+) and those who couldn't tend to be younger, but where I live there was massive house price rises during the 90s and again in the 2000s. That makes a huge difference to what people can afford in terms of downsizing, mortgage size and whether they can afford to work or not.

Read this thread with interest.

OP, many people have detailed how they afford it. You can do the sums. You can see whether the compromises/sacrifices are worth it.

For me personally they weren't. I grew up poor, worked my ass off to pay my way through uni, did some seriously tough graduate fucking dogsbody jobs to get myself to a position where I was both financially independent and comfortable. If I'd given it up, I'd be back there scrimping and saving as DH's wage covers the bills with about £200 left over plus child benefit. I didn't want that. I'm not ashamed to admit I like having nice things. I like holidays. I like paying for music lessons. I like meals out. I like the freedom having money brings.

I did work part time when children were younger (about 5 years) but always with the view it was "keeping my career open". Now they're both at school, I can see I made the right choice, but my right choice isn't your right choice.

If you're going to be back at work with your heart aching to be at home, well, you'll just have to crunch the numbers and MAKE it work. If there's no way at all the numbers will add up to allow you to be a SAHM then you'll just have to get on with it. If you can do it, but only at a pinch, you need to think whether you personally can live like that - not everyone can.

I always think it's more difficult for women who have the choice tbh! If you HAVE to work or can't afford the childcare then the decision is made for you.

I think the other thing is that many ppl have posted saying "we can afford it with tax credits/housing benefit".

What it actually means is "we cant afford it but society has (quite rightly) decided to support families on low incomes by paying benefits to tose in work but on lower wages".

With the cost of housing, I'm not sure any of us can afford to live if we look at it too carefully.

To answer the pps question, I trained as a chartered accountant and originally I went back to that job part time, but then I changed careers to something with no commute and a good pension scheme, so that I could be home by 6 every day and build up a decent pension despite my time out of paid work.

But you have to look at this over the long term, I think. I have never regretted my 7 years SAHM and 5 years PT. i enjoyed that time at home. I look at women 10 years younger than I am, who have reached the top of their pros signal already, and think, maybe too much, too soon. What do you do for the next 25 years? Whereas me, I am still pretty much nobody at work, so lts of scope for climbing that greasy pole in my 50s and 60s.

But equally, if I had never gone back to work, now I would regret that. When DS left school there were mothers there, their youngest just having hit 18, saying vaguely they must get back to work some time. On the whole, it's been a bit too late for them, and they are frustrated because they have a lot to give but no context to make the contribution they want to. Volunteering and so on, nice of course, but they want something more.

So for me anyway it's about keeping your employability fresh but not feeling you have to rush straight back into it.

Pros signal = profession, that was weird.

I think anyone thinking of becoming a SAHP should be aware of every possibility. We couldn't use childcare as DC was disabled, therefore one of us had no choice, had to give up work. Carers allowance of £61 a week anyone? Yes we got tax credits as total wages were low but CA is pitiful. 11 years later and only work available for someone with an 11 year employment gap? Yep, zero hours contract on minimum wage.

The bottom line is that everyone can afford it as the UK allows people to choose not to work and pays benefits for those who make that choice particularly if your children are under 5 so actually no one can not afford it. Many of us work full time because we adore our work though and think it is the right thing to do. I enjoy it as much now as when I started and I hope I have another 30 years doing it. The fact I own the business and the work is intellectually fascinating helps and the high pay.

I hope this isn't going to turn into a benefit bashing thread.

Tax credits make up the difference between a wage that is a living wage and a wage that is not. If employers were made to pay a living wage the government would not need to offer tax credits.

We all use state funded benefits - unless you'd never call the police or an ambulance if you needed one. Unless you don't use the nhs at all. Unless you wouldn't take advance of free childcare if you were entitled to it. All those things are state funded benefits.

There is nothing wrong whatsoever with being in a low income family and claiming what you are legally entitled to and living within those means whichever way you can.

If sahms in lower income families managing on tax credits all suddenly returned to work there would be less jobs for others and tax credits would be providing the childcare element of tax credits instead. The benefit bill wouldn't suddenly go down.

You'd need to move out of London it sounds. The town near us has a 50min commute to London St Pancras, family (3 bed) homes from £130,000. It's safe, pretty, has good schools and plenty to do without compromising (free museum, great library, lots of cheap groups and activities, large well maintained park etc..). All you have to factor in is the cost of the commute against the savings on your mortgage (compared to living in London). You no longer have to worry about child care which is a huge financial burden lifted and if it's a well connected area (lots of shops, public transport, and walkable distances) you don't need more than one car to get by. Get a Greentech Skoda or the like, dead cheap to run, zero car tax etc... Some of things we did was buy shared ownership to save further. I am a SAHM, I work from home now although we got by just fine without and on a lesser income.

DH once said the best relationship advice he ever got was from an old couple who said once a week they thrashed out their finances over a cheap meal out, and that kept everything running smoothly. We've lived all over the country from Durham to London, and I think we're living proof that if you are willing to thrash it out with one another and change your frame of reference you can be a SAHP without too great a compromise.

Greengrow - some of us do not claim ANY benefits at all, our DH/DW/DP work at a job that earns highly enough to support our family in full and we do not actually qualify for anything. The UK does not therefore "pay benefits for those who make that choice"

When I had 3 all needing child care I worked a couple of nights while dh was at home. I used to grab a bit of sleep when and if they did or when they were at school or playgroup. I found that was a good way to too up our income without incurring chikdcare costs.

We could have gone without but we've always been fond of our holidays.

Is there any flexibility in how you both work. Most companies have to consider flexible working. My husband was able to work a 4 day condensed week and I managed to get a 10 hour contract that I worked on one day a week. I gradually increased my hours as the kids went to school.(I had 3 preschoolers for a year so childcare would have been extortionate) We have only ever had one car and my kids have always had clothes from charity shops/ebay.Even their school uniform was from school second hand uniform.We shop in Lidl and have holidays where we stay with friends and family. We don't have a tv licence(just use catch up on computer)or sky etc, cheap mobile contracts. Put all our expenses on a Tesco credit card and use the points for days/meals out. Life does not have to be extortionate BUT the size of your mortgage is always the killer and the only way to change that is to downsize/move out of London.

If both of you did not work the UK pays benefits. There is a choice for all couples or single parents not to work and the state provides so those who think parents father and mothers ought to be with children 24/7 then neither parent could or should work and they should both be home with the children (or just the mother at home if the parents are split up).

Every family in the land where they don't work is kept by the state therefore there is no need for any parent in the UK to work. It is a choice to be apart from your children - the right choice in many cases - but a choice.

wheres the op gone?

Well I certainly didn't want this to turn into benefits bashing. I was making a different point- that actually it can be unaffordable to live in certain parts of the UK because of housing costs, and ppl need state help to be SAHPs in those areas, it's not just a matter of being frugal.

But I do recognise Greengrows tone, having been here a while. I wouldn't rise to it myself.

I already work flexibly albeit full time but a sabbatical/career break could be an option but would have to think about the impact of re-entry to my profession. Re: relocation- I would have to balance moving out of London with being quite far away from support networks inc. grandparents, cousins, friends etc and for me that would be a compromise too far. But I will relook at all the options I haven't considered and see if it might be possible. It really comes down to how far I am prepared to compromise on current living standards and some of the ideas outlined may work for some families but just would not work for me.