To wonder if actually there IS a paedophile round every corner?

[CundtBake]

I know it's fashion on here to not really worry about this kind of thing, and pretty much act like it doesn't exist, but given the sheer volume of stuff in the press at the moment, AIBU to wonder if we should all be more worried in general?

Two people in my family (now dead) were heavily suspected paedophiles. I was abused as a child (not by them) and a LOT of people I know also suffered abuse as a child. And that's just the ones who have shared with me.

AIBU to think it is a lot more common than we might like to think?

It is if you live in Rotherham

I doubt that's the only place is happens tbh

It happens*

There's one round the corner from me and one along the road.

Maybe then.

I think they have always existed and we are now more knowledgeable about them.
Did anyone ever get warned about "the funny man" who lived on the corner, or a few doors down etc.
I'm sure this is what our parents meant.

I know they've always existed, and yes we're more knowledgable now but I'm wondering if we still play it down too much

I don't know, maybe the older generations don't like to talk about it because they seem somehow responsible because they let it go on and turned a blind eye.
I'm pretty sure people wouldn't do that today.
I think its a similar question to dv, how many more people act on it now, would help a neighbour etc. there was nobody there for my mil everyone who knew turned a blind eye.

As of today I have to agree, I found out an old acquaintance of mine (I hesitate to say friend) has been jailed for sexual harassing school girls.
I will forever be less trusting.

I can remember sitting with a group of 10 college friends years ago. Of the 10, 9 of us could remember some instance of an adult trying to assault us/assaulting us - ranging from friend of the family sticking his finger in child's knickers to dodgy school bus driver everyone was warned to stay away from to older man trying to pick up young teenage boy in the park.

As it happened the 10th person, was the one who was actually abused seriously by her brother as a child - she just wasn't able to talk about it at the time.

It's nothing new.

Apparently when families all lived in one/two bedroom places and multiple children/family members shared beds it happened an awful lot.

I think it is much more exposed now and the victims are more likely to get the message that it wasn't their fault or shame and open up about it.

There is definitely a paedophile around every corner.

Whether that person would physically harm your children is another matter.

I don't take chances and I don't apologise for seeing a paedophile around every corner.

There are lots of paedophiles and lots of people who will abuse children.

Normal caution and good boundaries should apply.

Not letting your kids go to the park or have a normal childhood or looking with suspicion at male nursery nurses and male teachers is NOT fine.

Children are most likely to be abused by family members

Sorry, this post is horrible, but:

There's a researcher called Gail Dines (she's a fairly well-known feminist) who I heard give a talk partly on this subject.

She did a big series of interviews with men who'd been using child porn and that sort of thing, and they pretty much all said they didn't start off having urges towards that specific kind of thing, but it was presented as more 'extreme' and so they went for it. Of course, it could be they were lying and had always been, as it were, 'real' paedophiles who were sexually attracted to children (and obviously such people have always existed). But she didn't think so, and she said that judging by the patterns of these people's lives, it didn't seem likely: it seemed they genuinely had seen this as an opportunity rather than something they were compelled towards by their own sexuality.

I find this really chilling. I don't think it's unique to our current society - I think the same sort of opportunism must be what's behind stories in my grandmother's generation of fathers who abused their children, or priests who abused children in their care, in contexts where the adults knew the children would be silenced if they tried to speak out.

So, I think it's not 'paedophiles' in the sense of people who are primarily attracted to children. It's people who are just horrible, horrible people taking advantage.

I think that might explain why it feels so prevalent at the moment. We'd like to believe only a tiny number of people are actually attracted to children (and it's probably true), but sadly, far more are disgusting excuses for human beings who take advantage of the fact children can be exploited.

There is definitely a paedophile around every corner

Where's the evidence?

Rotherham is an extreme example ir am I naive?

If the rate of abuse by non-family has stayed the same for fifty years despite paedophiles having less access to children, and despite the children being warned about it from a very young age, and us all being more aware, then surely that implies that there are more dangerous people now than then?

You're probably right LRD

I used to know someone who was - gosh, pillar of the community doesn't begin to describe it. Social worker, then teacher then deputy headteacher then headteacher ... married, wife, child. And he killed himself about nine months ago after indecent images were found on his computer.

You just DO wonder who you can trust!

Family members aren't more likely to abuse children because they are family members but because they have close access to your children. I advise caution but I see no need to send my children blithely skipping away because their dad is statistically more likely to harm them. It's when people have unsupervised access that harm is done.

Still the number of men (it usually is men) who have been convicted of a crime relating to a sexual offence against children is huge, and that's just the ones who have been convicted.

Paedophiles and child abusers are different categories though the outcome is the same

Being attracted to children and (sometimes) carrying out illegal acts is paedophilia. People who abuse children are not primarily doing it because of a sexual urge but because of power or opportunity.

nota - that's awful. And as you say, it's not predictable.

Be afraid really. It is very common, we should all be vigilant and I make no excuses for that. Having worked for SS probably doesn't help.

I've never thought so.

Until this week when the parents of DD's best friend called to let us know they had called the police regarding inappropriate texts and phone calls the best friend had been receiving. Luckily, DD was not involved but the perpetrator is the (fairly recent but serious relationship) DP of the mother of another of her friendship group.

It's been a scary wake up call for us. We thought we were pretty vigilant & careful.

I know what you mean Terry! I sometimes wish I didn't know some stuff, if you see what I mean (I don't work for SS but I found some things out a while back and it frightens the living day lights out of you.)

I used to be quite trusting until I started reading some of the information in connection with all the recent cases of child sex abuse.

What i find truly chilling is the (rather obvious when you think about it) fact that paedophiles will search out opportunities to be in proximity with children.

It doesn't mean that I won't let my DS do things, but I must admit to being relieved that he didn't want to go to Beaver camp and isn't that keen to do sleepovers yet.

When I was a child, my grandma assured me that there was a paedophile round every corner, and told me how to avoid them, and how to avoid attracting their attention. She was rigorous in this.

When I was middle-aged and finally knew for sure that her husband, my grandfather, had been one of those she was protecting me against, I was grateful. But she hadn't protected my mother...

So yes, round every corner, in many homes, everywhere, all the time. Opportunist or instinctive, doesn't matter to me, the outcome is the same.

I don't nesscessarily believe there is a paediphile on every corner but I do believe there is a sex offender on every street.
if you think about all those reported crimes that never get to court then add in all the un reported sexual crimes, abuse within the home and illegal internet viewing, it a hell of a lot if sexual abuse taking place