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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming with the nursery assistant?

151 replies

APotNoodleandaTommy · 29/08/2014 17:26

My son (9m) had his first full day at nursery today.

His dad and I are pretty laid back in general and only give minimal 'instructions' as requested by the nursery (eg bottle time, and how to give the bottle to him as he can be a bit awkward)

So I pick him up and he's exhausted after only sleeping half an hour all day (not their fault!). They decided that because he didn't eat his breakfast that they would bring his bottle forward and split it. When I asked, she said they'd made the porridge with water, that she'd asked my husband if he could have it with cows milk and 'he said yes but didn't seem sure so they made it with water'!?!!! (He says this is bollocks!). He then refused the rest of his milk later so he's only eaten finger food and had half his bottle three hours early!!!!
She then asked about him having birthday cake next week, as we've said we don't want him having chocolate or cake just yet. I said i would rather he didn't have any, so she said that she would get the mum to bring it in party bags for the other 'so he didn't feel like he's being punished!'. I was a bit Shock but then she said 'depriving them of sweet things has been proven to cause problems and lead to obesity later in life' Shock Shock Shock
Now I'm a bit pork life but my husband is tall and skinny and our son completely takes after him.
I was left feeling completely shite to be honest; it's hard enough having him start nursery without being given no confidence that he's being fed, and being made to feel that I'm depriving him by saying I would prefer him not to have chocolate cake! He's 9 months old!
So I guess AIBU to say that I would rather he didn't have cake at 9m old and AIBU to feel a bit upset that I was made to feel guilty about it?

OP posts:
ArabellaTarantella · 29/08/2014 17:29

It's been one day.......give them chance. They, rightly, were not happy with your DH's answer re the milk........so they took precautions....again, quite rightly.

Will a little bit of cake really really make such a difference to you? You are entitled to your wishes though - just that you need to pick your battles imo.

HoldenMcGroin · 29/08/2014 17:31

Yanbu

Out of interest, splitting the bottle : did they decant the half into a fresh bottle or just stick the half drunk bottle in the fridge (ewww)

Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 29/08/2014 17:33

Arabella, my husband said they didn't ask him about the cows milk and I do believe him as he has been at home with the baby for a month whilst I've been back at work making his breakfast with... Cows milk!

OP posts:
ANM07 · 29/08/2014 17:33

Yanbu however also don't see the big deal with him having a mouthful of cake rather not not being allowed any in front of the others. Hardly a big thing to worry about

gentlehoney · 29/08/2014 17:34

I think you will just have to trust that the nursery will do what they think is best for him.
It wont be the same as the care you give, but (hopefully) he will healthy,happy, and safe, and that is all that matters.

Fairylea · 29/08/2014 17:35

Completely agree with arabella.

I think they didn't say it very well but if he's otherwise happy I'd let it go in all honesty. Does he seem very hungry?

I know the cake issue is a contentious one but I've allowed both my dc cake and chocolates from an early age and neither are overweight or have sugar issues etc. As a birthday treat I think it's fine.

But I guess we are all different.

Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 29/08/2014 17:36

Holden (fab name!) we had given them a bottle of pre-made aptamil today for ease so she just decanted half

OP posts:
tiggytape · 29/08/2014 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oddsocksmostly · 29/08/2014 17:37

YANBU, I wouldn't want to use a nursery where it was the norm to give cake to babies. At that age you want to make sure that calories have nutritional value rather than load them with sugar.

Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 29/08/2014 17:37

Fairy he was starving, have him a bottle and he's passed out so his routine is wrecked this eve!! I don't blame them at all for the lack of sleep, he needs to learn to sleep in a busy room which will just take time

OP posts:
Janethegirl · 29/08/2014 17:38

Maybe provide them with a list of what you want him to eat and tell them no other things are to be given. Alternatively if the list is shorter, give them an idea of what not to feed him.
When my dcs were little, nursery had a list of definite no nos as I have a history of allergies.

Cheby · 29/08/2014 17:38

YADNBU. Not their place to comment on whether he has cake or not, completely not up to them! The majority of my friends don't give cake and sweets to their young babies and children, there's enough time for that later on. My 17mo has just started having the odd treat now, definitely not at 9 months!

I would also be pissed off about them ignoring your husband's instructions. I'd give them one more chance; id go back in on Monday, explain what then problems were to the manager and get them to give you assurance that it won't happen again. If they can't do that then id look for a new nursery. You are (I assume) paying them a significant amount of money each month so they need to follow your instructions!

MrsCumbersnatch · 29/08/2014 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairylea · 29/08/2014 17:38

But it wasn't the "norm" to give cake... It was for a birthday. A special occasion. I don't think a bit of cake in those circumstances is a big deal.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 29/08/2014 17:40

The first day is a bit of a learning curve for everyone involved. Perhaps have a more detailed chat about his requirements and see how you get on.

I think the think about the cake is actually a good thing as they did ask you whether you'd be happy for him to have it rather than just giving it to him (so they did listen to you). I think the assistant is probably right that everything in moderation is better than restricting sugar completely, although that probably applies more to a toddler than a 9 month old.

Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 29/08/2014 17:41

Tiggy you're right. We had out re no cake/choc in our food forms so she already knew, she was just reaffirming. I merely said I'd rather not when she offered the extra advice.
Personally, I don't see any need to give a 9m old cake but I now am appreciating that the room he's in goes up to 2 years, so the cake issue will arise again!
I think we will probably give him a little cake on his first bday but personally as he's only 9m i would rather his food was nutritious. I'm not raving scary about it, it's just our choice as parents

OP posts:
LEMmingaround · 29/08/2014 17:42

Surely they have been through dietry requirements with you before he started.

Nothing wrong with a bit of cake once in a while.lack of it or its presence will make not one jot of difference to him getting fat later in life. Unless of course its his staple food!

Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 29/08/2014 17:43

Thanks Cheby and MrsC, I think that the main issue is his key worker is on holiday (he's had about 5 settling in sessions but this was his first day)
She's back Monday so will have a proper chat with her then

OP posts:
Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 29/08/2014 17:43

First FULL day soddy

OP posts:
Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 29/08/2014 17:44

Sorry! Ffs

OP posts:
tobiasfunke · 29/08/2014 17:44

I wouldn't be happy with a nursery handing out cake to a 9m old and I'm not some sort of sugar nazi. I also wouldn't be happy with her spouting a load of old bollocks in order to justify it either.

Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 29/08/2014 17:45

They had, Lem, and we put it in there, hence why I was a bit surprised by her asking!

OP posts:
BackforGood · 29/08/2014 17:51

YABU to be "fuming" but maybe you have been quite stressed about his first day?

  1. They weren't sure, so they avoided cows milk - seems reasonable
  2. He hadn't eaten so the made a judgement to give him some nourishment that he would take - seems reasonable
  3. They decanted the milk so they still had half for later - seems sensible
  4. They know there will be cake, so asked you in advance if you would be OK for him to have a taste - sounds good to me.

The unwanted advice was perhaps not the most tactful, but sometimes youngsters working long hours on minimum wage aren't the most tactful.

Piffpaffpoff · 29/08/2014 17:55

I do think that it's important as another poster said, to pick your battles on this. My attitude with nursery was that I didn't want to pick up on every single thing they did that I would not have chosen to do at home because then you potentially get a reputation as the mum who complains and then the day you really do have something to complain about, you are taken less seriously.

I think that YAB a bit U about the cake thing (although there's a chance I might have done the same with my PFB!) but YANBU about being upset re the comment from the nursery assistant. But I think, for the sake of good relationships, you'll have to let it go.

littlejohnnydory · 29/08/2014 17:57

I'd be less happy with them making porridge with water than the cake issue tbh, it's just not nutritionally adequate.

Having said that, dd was 9 months when she started nursery, left with instructions that she was to feed herself and be given the proper toddler meals rather than baby food. Her first full day, they tried to spoon feed her purees and wondered why she refused. She was starving. She didn't have any milk during the day (breastfed at night). After a chat with the manager they were great from then on.