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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming with the nursery assistant?

151 replies

APotNoodleandaTommy · 29/08/2014 17:26

My son (9m) had his first full day at nursery today.

His dad and I are pretty laid back in general and only give minimal 'instructions' as requested by the nursery (eg bottle time, and how to give the bottle to him as he can be a bit awkward)

So I pick him up and he's exhausted after only sleeping half an hour all day (not their fault!). They decided that because he didn't eat his breakfast that they would bring his bottle forward and split it. When I asked, she said they'd made the porridge with water, that she'd asked my husband if he could have it with cows milk and 'he said yes but didn't seem sure so they made it with water'!?!!! (He says this is bollocks!). He then refused the rest of his milk later so he's only eaten finger food and had half his bottle three hours early!!!!
She then asked about him having birthday cake next week, as we've said we don't want him having chocolate or cake just yet. I said i would rather he didn't have any, so she said that she would get the mum to bring it in party bags for the other 'so he didn't feel like he's being punished!'. I was a bit Shock but then she said 'depriving them of sweet things has been proven to cause problems and lead to obesity later in life' Shock Shock Shock
Now I'm a bit pork life but my husband is tall and skinny and our son completely takes after him.
I was left feeling completely shite to be honest; it's hard enough having him start nursery without being given no confidence that he's being fed, and being made to feel that I'm depriving him by saying I would prefer him not to have chocolate cake! He's 9 months old!
So I guess AIBU to say that I would rather he didn't have cake at 9m old and AIBU to feel a bit upset that I was made to feel guilty about it?

OP posts:
Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 30/08/2014 15:17

Grin at quavers and a rollie

OP posts:
slightlyglitterstained · 30/08/2014 15:19

I wanted to wait until DS's first birthday to give him cake, & know a couple of parents who did the same, so didn't think it was particularly unusual as a request.

Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 30/08/2014 15:34

Thanks, slightly, I think that's what we are going to do. My brother and his wife waited until their kid was 3 before they were allowed any! Their choice so fair play but agree the social awareness aspect as he gets older.
I'm not crazy about it; if one of the older kids shared theirs and he ate some I'm not going to go booloo, I would just rather he didn't have jt just yet!

OP posts:
Mushypeasandchipstogo · 30/08/2014 15:36

YABVU. I thought that you said that you were laid back? He has been at nursery for one day and they are not force feeding him chocolate cake they did say it was for a special occasion. Do you really believe that he will be obese before his first birthday?

Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 30/08/2014 15:41

No, mushy, I don't believe that at all. I do feel that there's no nutritional value in cake, and that he'll eat plenty of cake in his life without starting at just 9 months. That's our parenting choice. It's hardly the crime of the century to make a few parenting decisions, is it?

OP posts:
Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 30/08/2014 15:42

Mushy, would you be pleased if they had lied about a conversation with your husband re milk? Why is everyone focused on the cake?

OP posts:
HaroldLloyd · 30/08/2014 15:50

OP, you can take comfort in the fact it is both the crime of the century to allow cake, and to not allow cake on mumsnet.

There are no winners. Grin

Hope next week goes a bit better for you, I'm sure it will.

Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 30/08/2014 15:52

Thanks, Harold Grin I didn't realise it was so controversial!!! I'll know better in the future Wink

OP posts:
missbishi · 30/08/2014 15:54

Err, you do know that there are masses of starving kids all over the world and you are fuming because they made porridge with water instead of milk? FFS!

Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 30/08/2014 16:01

Miss, sigh, I'm fully aware that this isn't the problem of the century, it just happened to be my problem, yesterday. Because she lied. The porridge was the subject of the lie
I suggest if threads like this annoy you then you read only the guardian online and not mumsnet

OP posts:
GreenPetal94 · 30/08/2014 16:02

It is very upsetting sending a baby to nursery and I think you need to see that for what it is. So its ok you feel unhappy, but is it really about what you posted or just about leaving your little one for the first time.

In a lot of ways the first day went well, at least your ds didn't scream and scream.

Are you confident that the nursery is good at playing with your son and caring for his needs, aside from dietary concerns? Are the staff friendly and keen?

If he has no allergies then that is such a blessing and although its your choice to avoid cake, actually its great that if he did eat some he'd be fine.

Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 30/08/2014 16:12

Hi Rainbow. I knew I would find the nursery start difficult. My husband has been on additional paternity leave and has therefore done the majority of the settling in sessions so I can focus on getting back into work (my job is pretty stressful and higher responsibility than his so this has worked for us and he's loved being off)
I think perhaps I'm guilty of not preparing myself by trying not to think about it. I know he'll be fine - he's outgoing, he's not clingy at all, and he's always been on someone's lap having cuddles when we've collected him. I was just left angry that she had lied, I guess, and also that she was thoughtless. But in the cold light of today, we are all just getting to know each other and I'm sure they did what they thought was best; I may just need to reinforce that if they're not sure, please just call and ask
And yes we are blessed, firstly with no apparent allergies (knock on wood) and also that he's not clingy

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 30/08/2014 16:12

Oh its the thread that just keeps giving.now you're berated there are starving kids in world
Applying that logic,op shouldn't complain if porridge made up with dirty water
As some children ingest formula made with dirty water.so dont be pfb or first world problemo about wean porridge

HaroldLloyd · 30/08/2014 16:17

I'm surprised miss you have time to read MN what with all the worthy thoughts you must be having.

No need for that snarky comment, which I hope you are going to go and post on the other 99% of threads on mumsnet it could be applicable to.

DirtyDancing · 30/08/2014 16:19

I am 100% behind you with regards to cake. It is your choice, your baby. Cake?! Sugary, non nutritious crap. At 9 months when you are trying to establish good eating habits . Really everyone?!

Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 30/08/2014 16:22

Clearly I'm such an unworthy mother; I should have got a goldfish instead... Confused

OP posts:
HaroldLloyd · 30/08/2014 16:23

Oh sod off with your judgey crap dirty your not going to help anyone.

It's no big fat deal if you allow or don't allow one slice of birthday cake.

scottishmummy · 30/08/2014 16:30

Err,miss you do know there are masses of starving kids all over world who've never had tattie scone.FFS!
Whits to be done?

LittleBearPad · 30/08/2014 17:02

And it's possible they may be looked after by strangers. The horror Shock

Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 30/08/2014 18:09

I've never had tattie scone... Sad

OP posts:
HaroldLloyd · 30/08/2014 18:10

Will NOBODY think of the children. Sad

3pigsinblanketsandasausagerole · 30/08/2014 18:15

WTF is a tatty scone?

I would discuss your concerns with the key worker

Piffpaffpoff · 30/08/2014 18:23

Tattie scone is a flat fried potato pancake thing. Scottish breakfast delicacy and absolutely delicious.

(Runs off to make some for tomorrow morning....)

3pigsinblanketsandasausagerole · 30/08/2014 18:28

Like a potato cake?

insancerre · 30/08/2014 18:35

So you've got a very stressful job with a lot of responsibility?
Do you work in a baby room too?
:)
It is stress full and sometimes things don't come out the way they were intended when dealingwith parents
I am ssure the practitioner didn't mean to offend
She sounds like she was thinking of your baby and not wanting him to feel left out when the others have the cake
We have a little boy who isn't allowed cake. In fact he is only allowed organic stuff. He compensates by stealing everyone else's food, mostly from the floor
It is hard leaving your baby for the first tome with 'strangers' but you have to realise that you can't control what they do and eat when you are not with them
You have to trust the nursery to care for him and not interfere unless it is something that is really important

You really don't wan t to gwtca reputation as one of those parents

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