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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming with the nursery assistant?

151 replies

APotNoodleandaTommy · 29/08/2014 17:26

My son (9m) had his first full day at nursery today.

His dad and I are pretty laid back in general and only give minimal 'instructions' as requested by the nursery (eg bottle time, and how to give the bottle to him as he can be a bit awkward)

So I pick him up and he's exhausted after only sleeping half an hour all day (not their fault!). They decided that because he didn't eat his breakfast that they would bring his bottle forward and split it. When I asked, she said they'd made the porridge with water, that she'd asked my husband if he could have it with cows milk and 'he said yes but didn't seem sure so they made it with water'!?!!! (He says this is bollocks!). He then refused the rest of his milk later so he's only eaten finger food and had half his bottle three hours early!!!!
She then asked about him having birthday cake next week, as we've said we don't want him having chocolate or cake just yet. I said i would rather he didn't have any, so she said that she would get the mum to bring it in party bags for the other 'so he didn't feel like he's being punished!'. I was a bit Shock but then she said 'depriving them of sweet things has been proven to cause problems and lead to obesity later in life' Shock Shock Shock
Now I'm a bit pork life but my husband is tall and skinny and our son completely takes after him.
I was left feeling completely shite to be honest; it's hard enough having him start nursery without being given no confidence that he's being fed, and being made to feel that I'm depriving him by saying I would prefer him not to have chocolate cake! He's 9 months old!
So I guess AIBU to say that I would rather he didn't have cake at 9m old and AIBU to feel a bit upset that I was made to feel guilty about it?

OP posts:
Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 30/08/2014 13:18

Have I dropped into a parallel universe where being annoyed about someone lying about conversations with my husband and not wanting a 9m old to have cake is 'pfb'?

OP posts:
Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 30/08/2014 13:18

Thank you, MissDuke

OP posts:
LatteLoverLovesLattes · 30/08/2014 13:32

Apparently Grin

ProfessorVonIgelfeld · 30/08/2014 14:15

Have I dropped into a parallel universe where being annoyed about someone lying about conversations with my husband and not wanting a 9m old to have cake is 'pfb'?

No, OP, but you do seem only to be interested in the posts which back up your stance, and to be dismissing anyone with a different opinion as being 'aggressive' or 'spoiling for a fight'.

Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 30/08/2014 14:18

Professor, that's simply not true :) I've agreed that being fuming was OTT and that relinquishing decision making to someone else was probably causing more stress than I had realised

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 30/08/2014 14:27

Oh lol,i see the leave em with strangers line has had a shout out.kerching!
Applying that logic Of leaving with strangers you've renounced all your parental rights
Better get some overtime in,pay for the therapy for attachment issues.all those strangers.

unlucky83 · 30/08/2014 14:30

I said a teeny bit pfb .....
Didn't give Nursery too much info
just how to give a 9mo a bottle (because he can be a bit awkward!) Hmm
Maybe not as tactful as some other posters - but lots are telling you the same thing...
It is hard to hand over control to others -especially for your first born
I don't think anywhere you said it was your first - but it is obvious...
And nothing wrong with that...most of us have been there...
(I blush when I think of things I said and did ...)

As to the cake - no I definitely wouldn't give my pfb cake at 9 months - at 13 she eats a can of squirty cream for lunch ...troughs as much crap as she can (inclined to believe that research may be correct - although she isn't overweight - yet). Such is life...

And I'm not even saying you should give your 9mo cake ...

tobysmum77 · 30/08/2014 14:33

yabu overall and tbh if you actually want to use a nursery will need to relax a lot.

The cake thing would have irritated me slightly, but I don't understand how you can be so sure a 9 month old 'takes after dh' Confused which sways it for me. a simple smile and 'research says lots of things, this is my decision' would have sorted it out. Personally I would just let the child have it, but that's me.

The porridge non issue for me. bottle they didn't keep for hours. If you are bothered give them another one, sorted.

Or alternatively get a nanny.

Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 30/08/2014 14:33

What a meant by not too much info was, we didn't do a 'pfb' of giving reams and reams of info of do's and don't's as we are pretty laid back... Except regarding his milk feeds as he's awkward with them (had bad reflux as a wee baby)

OP posts:
Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 30/08/2014 14:35

Tobysmum, I didn't say to her 'oh he takes after his dad' - but he's clearly tall and slim, and they checked his red book - 75th height 25th weight!
I don't want to use a nanny, I want him to go to nursery. I would also like the few specific requests we make to be respected, that's all, and a call if they're not sure.
Which is what I'll tell his key worker on Monday after constructive advice from some on here

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 30/08/2014 14:41

Cant quite see why you're getting a pasting,its reasonable to want a dialogue about baby with nursery
Of course you want the nursery to adhere to your preferences.and the cake is reasonable preference
There is no robust evidence that no eating cake 9month is harmful.but do be aware as he gets older the social side of party and cake will be significant.and in that case id not restrict

tobysmum77 · 30/08/2014 14:43

Yes he's tall and slim at the moment that's my point, many don't get that ime.

yabu to be 'fuming'. yanbu to expect them to follow your instructions if they are clear. You need to calm down though, or you will make yourself look like a loon.

FWIW I have recently complained about a few things at dd's nursery (calmly). I found them really open and responsive to my comments.

tobiasfunke · 30/08/2014 14:46

Our nursery allowed people to bring in cake/treats for a birthday but they were always handed out at home time to the parents to avoid this sort of situation. I honestly think is best practice as it means nobody feels left out for kids with allergies etc.
It is very difficult- you are giving other people control of the most important thing in your life yet it is difficult to make your choices clear as you worry they will then mark you out as PITA and it will affect their attitude to your child.
TBH there are some nursery workers you don't like and some you do- you probably just got one that had a bad way about her. The rest could be lovely.
IME if you don't like it after a while it's best to change nurseries. Some are a better fit for you and your child than others. I hung on too long at DS's first nursery for the main reason I didn't want to be PFB and irritate the nursery staff. I should've been more forceful but it's hard.

Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 30/08/2014 14:47

Tobys, where does it say anywhere that I complained or kicked off? Don't project, dear, I was polite and friendly and courteous and hid that I was upset. Hardly 'loon' behavior!

OP posts:
tobysmum77 · 30/08/2014 14:48

your post says 'am I being unreasonable to be fuming' erm, nuff said Grin Confused

Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 30/08/2014 14:51

Scottish, AIBU brings the swivel eyes out. I over-reacted INTERNALLY yesterday and had a rant on here, read some sensible responses some random ones and will speak to the key worker on Monday. Maybe I naively thought we covered most things off on the induction visits but I guess that the first few weeks will be the real feet finding

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 30/08/2014 14:56

Aye,thats the rub.getting that rapport and understanding between parent and nursery
I laughed at the leave baby with strangers line Haha - that wis you well telt
Its is a leap,leaving the wean with strangers at mrs hannigans daycare

Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 30/08/2014 14:59

Yes, Tobys, my post yesterday shortly after collecting an overtired hungry upset baby after his first full day at nursery DID say I was fuming... Subsequent posts of mine have confirmed I am no longer fuming.
Because nothing ever irritated you regarding your child, ever
Because you are perfect

OP posts:
Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 30/08/2014 15:01

Scottish, I'm always prepared for the 'working, how dare you?? Unnatural woman!' posters. Thankfully I ignore them and live and let live. I love being a mum and I love working so I do both and I also know that once things are sorted that he will thrive in nursery. Bollocks to giving up work though!

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 30/08/2014 15:02

Its better to offliad,fume etc at home,online than in person.its a regulatory mechanism
Most people do hold it together in the moment and have a fume later
Its only problematic if one remain fuming,or stuck.which op has not

Original poster
APotNoodleandaTommy · 30/08/2014 15:02

Tobias great advice thanks. I will make sure we try to get a balance between 'issues' and 'fit'. I desperately want it to work out and for him to enjoy his time there

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 30/08/2014 15:05

You see you failed in not being mc laissez faire,you should have left wean a rollie and quavers
By showing any preference,whatsoever,you've become pfb.imposing upon nursery

scottishmummy · 30/08/2014 15:08

Cakes and birthday are social,do let wean participate in birthdays and cake
Its about balance,so long as wean has balanced diet you'll not go wrong
There was wean i knew all cakes,ginger,etc banned.at parties mum gave a rice cake..yum

Loletta · 30/08/2014 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Loletta · 30/08/2014 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.