To be pissed off dd1 keeps eating dp tea!

[Anotherchapter]

She is 19 for god sake!

She has hers when she gets in from work around 7:15pm . She has probably quite a large meal for some one her size (she is very petite) finishes it all off then with in an hour or so I can hear her in the kitchen faffing about looking for food.

Recently she has taken to taking food off dp plate as he gets in at 9:30 ish.

She knows it's left for him And I tell her to leave it alone. I didn't plate his up tonight (did a beef curry) I heard her come down stairs and go in the kitchen. I heard the lid off the pan lift up, I told her to leave his bloody tea alone, then a few seconds later I heard her put it back and go back upstairs.

Just been in to check and she had took all the fucking meat out of it bar one shitty morsel!

If she gets hungry she knows she can make toast or cereal but to be taking his food - when she knows it's for him and that's all there is pissing me off.

I've just been up and told her off - she said she only had a tea spoon full

I don't know what her problem is.

empathetic... I have had disordered eating issues and may well never have a normal relationship with food for the rest of my life so please, keep your platitudes about bingeing to your own experience.

There is NO excuse for taking food off somebody else's plate. Eating disorder or not. Where food isn't plentiful you can't take food (that you've already had and eaten) from somebody else. That's utterly abhorrent.

And I think diagnosing eating disorders on the basis of what the OP never said is irresponsible. Where did she say her daughter was stick thin?

... and OP's daughter never eats the plentiful carbs that are available. There is no bingeing there.

OP didn't say it, ilovesooty. She said she was petite. Some posters are really projecting like mad.

As somebody who has suffered with both anorexia and bulimia her cherry picking of food is not typical at all.

If she was anorexic she either wouldn't eat or she would throw up within 15 minutes of eating a big meal, exercise to a ridiculous level and take laxatives like it was Cadburys ( I used to have to visit the next town to purchase them I took so many).

As a bulimic ( which led to my anorexia) you tend to binge eat high calorie processed/ready made food. This again is usually carried out in secret as the shame is over whelming. I wouldn't stop at picking bits off a plate I would devour the whole lot. Again vomiting usually follows this ( my poor dentist has dealt with the effects of my ED's for the last 10 years).

Your DD sounds as if she is dieting because it's the 'in' thing to do all day and then eats in the evening but actually can't be arsed to make anything when she's hungry plus I think it is in part a power trip for her.

Have a word with her as you have planned to OP and don't let arm chair diagnosis being banded around worry you.

yy Flossy, the 'diagnoses' being peddled on this thread are quite ridiculous and very insulting actually.

lying I agree. For every problem on MN you'll find someone waiting to diagnose them with something. It's dangerous and unnecessary.

ziggie at the risk of following you about I agree.

YANBU it is pure greed and disregard to whoever's meal she is picking at, I don't think id eat my meal if I know someone had been already eating from it. She should be grateful shes been allowed to move back home and only has to pay 25 a week, maybe you should threaten increasing her contribution if she is going to carry on taking others food ??

This thread is a classic example of posters being shitty on AIBU for no good reason.

I wouldn't bother reading more OP.

Thank god some level heads come back on but it's AIBU so it's expected

flossy I agree on your summary, but I also think I have had a part to play in this. Looking back I did the same with my mum and nan as they never minded. And I didn't really. It just becomes startlingly obvious when she starts taking somebody else's. After speaking to my gran this afternoon. She said she also did it with her while they were on a cruise. Gran just laughed it off though. I think we need to realise she is legally a grown woman and she needs to grow up.

She was/is a great kid and I've never had any trouble or brattish behaviour of her. That's probably why I just went with the flow as I've never really had to take her to task over anything serious.

There are a few issues here, boundaries, status and respect. I will wait till she comes back after work on Monday. I don't like rowing with her but I'm going to lay it down straight. She doesn't take anything that does not belong to her - being a sneaky piece of meat, a pillow or my body creams.

Regarding her rent. I'm going to leave it as it is. BUT I would like to 'proof' of 'savings' for travelling otherwise rent bumps up.

Are you reading a different thread, TeWi? Most of us are in complete agreement with OP, this can't go on.

Report if you think something needs reporting maybe, rather than just loftily appearing just to assert that posters are shitty and OP should move away... MNHQ won't issue you with a badge, if that's what you were hoping for?

tewi I'm not. Drama over, I'm packing up and going!

Thanks all!

lying I think tewi means further up thread posters??

I think that is the way forward OP

I'd like to apologise for my assertion that you wouldn't do anything about it. I was wrong and rude. Good luck with sorting it out.

op, a simple solution might be to give her a snack when she gets in and for you all to eat together when DP gets in - would this work ?

Re savings - why not take some more money for rent but keep it for her ?

Best of luck with your daughter, Another, it's not easy but it has to be tackled and you're doing that now. Just so you know, my dad was forever pinching from his childrens' plates, my brothers are now three of the greediest guts people you could ever meet. It really does have an impact.

There's a hell of a lot of projecting going on in this thread. I think that's the best thing to do with her Another. If she doesn't listen to reason and stop the food thieving you'll just have to sell her on ebay

I don't need a badge thanks. Lying

Sounds like a good plan OP.

Darn! We're fresh out of badges! Just popping in to say hi, and to remind everyone of the new peace-&-love-style AIBU . But seems that it's not needed as ilovesooty and anotherchapter are now besties .

Surely you just state to her in no uncertain terms that she can have xyz if she is hungry after dinner but she is NOT to touch dp dinner. If she does, she will have to buy and cook her own next time. If she doesn't like snacks on offer she must buy her own.

Although she is 19 she is acting like a child and needs to be treated like one. This is not about food, this about disobeying you.

Sorry hadn't refreshed, glad you have a plan of action.

Ilovesooty "Where did she say her daughter was stick thin?"
^^^

The OP said this at 21.22:

"But she is constantly dieting not that she needs to. She could climb through a letter box"

I don't think that anyone bigger than stick thin could climb through a letter box, metaphorically or otherwise. That is beyond petite.

I wish people could take on board that eating disorders are a mental illness - with the highest mortality rate - and have some sympathy. Thankfully i have never suffered from one but I have read a lot of the research and have experience of sufferers. I stick by my post; being stick thin, constantly dieting and then eating 2 suppers is a strong red light in terms of an ED. One of the saddest things about EDs is that often the family only recognise it with hindsight.

"Getting cross" will no more work than will telling a depressive to "pull themselves together". Sigh.